kamidaka

Happy post-valentine’s day! So, yesterday I told the love of my life how I felt about her.

I sent her a message I had already written for several months, but at last minute I changed some little things here and there. I guess you’re never fully ready.

My plan? I call it the Schrödinger’s confession. I would send her the message and quickly turn off the wifi so she couldn’t reply. Delete the application from my pc and phone, log off from all I could use to contact her and never look back. And everything went just as planned. Of course there’s this small possibility I turned the wifi off […]

University’s classes start tomorrow and I won’t go. If you don’t go for three days you automatically fail the courses. But I don’t care, it’s not my money, it was not my decision.

I’m tired of studying that shit. I hate that place. I’m just waiting for the gun to arrive so I can finally leave.

Hopefully it’ll arrive before they notice I’m not going (my “parents”)

I’m kind of scared, it’s the first time I won’t go to classes they’ve imposed me. I hope they won’t notice.

The gun didn’t arrive, and it’s almost time to leave.

Should I change method?

But after all the trouble I went through to get it… I don’t really know what to do.

It’s been quite a while.

I managed to buy a gun, it should be here next week. I hope it makes it on time. I’ve done everything I could.

I’ll message the people I love one last time with all my feelings, I hope my words will make them feel how special and unique they really are. Ah, what a shame, I would’ve loved to be there for them and also to see the end of all this.

I’m ready, more than ever. I won’t let them torture me anymore.

Very sick, but still alive.

But nobody cares, not even me.

I’ve been throwing up for a couple of minutes, I can’t s tand up

Nobody an  swers my calls, not even the   police

Is this the end??

I have a list of things I want to do before I die, and more than 70% of it is already done or in the process of making it. Even those things that I thought I would never be able to make. Is this a sign that I’ll really die in January?

God for once wants me to leave. After so long, you sick and twisted entity.

I don’t want to start a new semester in the uni, I’ll kill myself before that happens. I fucking hate that place.

But for now I’m at peace.

The summer sounds are like old friends.

Happy last birthday to me. Yay!

My mother traveled, so I am alone in my house. Can you believe it? It’s a miracle!

This is the best last birthday I could ever wish for. But at the same time not because I have a test but whatever.

I never believed I would live this much, it’s still surreal. But it’s ok, because I won’t live to see another one.

I feel at peace. Everything I wanted to do before I die is going rather smoothly, what a miracle.

So I guess it’ll be in January.

Oh and I’ll also confess my love the day I’ll […]

I can’t feel anything. I feel empty. The usual pain, suffering and tiny hope is not there, what’s happening?

This is so unfamiliar. What do I do?

Or maybe is the medication, I don’t know.

Everything was going rather well, better than any time. I traveled and had a great time with friends, good food and fun things.

But as I was returning to reality the familiar void was back. University and all the responsibilities I have now, it really sucks. I wish I could live traveling forever, with my friends and doing the things I love.

I’m about to fail a subject, but I’ll die anyway and I don’t care about uni, so whatever.

I’m considering changing my method of elimination to something where I can still be in one piece after I pass away. A friend of mine will probably help […]

I might start drinking now.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I don’t like alcohol at all.

But it seems it helps you to forget and soothe the pain. And have some fun.

And now that my reason to live is gone and coming back when I’ll already be dead, I think I really need it.

I’m crying a lot.

I tried to skip classes today. My mother came back early and found me playing some games. I got beaten so bad I can’t walk. She promised not to give me any food or money for the rest of the week.

Help me, I was already starving so I could save some money, but now I won’t have anything in exchange for my efforts.

I don’t know what to do, I want to die.