That feeling, the overwhelming darkness creeping, the feeling of freshly sharpened nails attached to long slender fingers closing in around your throat.
Being sad or depressed, or grieving, it all gives off the same feeling. Pure, overwhelming black. A black mood some would say.
For me, it comes and goes. Some days I’ll be fine, smiling, laughing, happy. And the very next I can’t find the same joy I did the day before. Repeating the same monotonous tasks day in and day out. I’m too young to feel the way I do. Or so that’s what people tell me. I have my whole […]
I haven’t written in a while. A few years actually. I, honestly, for a while there, thought I was going to be okay. I thought it was getting better. I thought the three am thoughts were going away. I thought the pain in my chest was lifting. I thought my midnight sobs had quieted down. I thought the darkness was fading, but I was wrong. I was wrong about it all. I guess I just pushed it away for the time being. I was okay, or at least I believed I was. Here lately, it seems as if everything is crashing down around me. My […]
Yes, I cut myself.
My only problem is, I find any reason to start cutting again.
I deserve every cut I have given myself.
Contemplating your suicide. Every. Single. Day.
The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal.
Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war and I don’t think I’m winning anymore.
Emotionally: I’m pissed
Mentally: I’m depressed
Spiritually: I’m stressed.
Physically: I smile.
Sticks and stones break my bones, but words are what kill me.
Depression isn’t always that girl that’s crying in the bathroom or the boy that is always wearing long sleeves. It isn’t always suicide notes and pill bottles. Sometimes it’s all smiles and […]
Depression is a state of mind
but remember my dear
it is a crime
to cut the throat of a beloved soul
and suck the life from within the whole
cross out the lies that left your lips
and drink the blood with thirsty lips.
Snap her bones into shattered glass
hold your breath until the screaming passes
shout her name from miles away
he doesn’t move, he doesn’t stay
Rip the wound with foolish tears
and cover the scar with dreaded fears.
Taste the pain on your own bandaged tongue
and drip the tears into her precious lungs.
Shoot the smile from her face
and […]
I have so many questions
about life and why it does
this to people. I’m depressed.
Again. And I have no idea why.
Why won’t he get out of my
head? I don’t want him anymore.
I don’t want to think about him
anymore. I don’t want to love
him anymore. But it’s him.
The reason behind my smile,
my laugh, my happiness.
He made me love again. But
he ripped it all away from me.
My heart was ripped from my
chest when he left. It was thrown
to the ground and stomped on,
broken into millions of pieces.
My pieces are turning to […]
I want to cut. So, so, so badly, but I’ve made a promise not to, but then again I’ve already broken that promise more than once. Why is life so fucked up? I’ve known this for a while, but I still don’t have the answer. Do any of you have the answer? Why do people say they care when they really don’t? Why are people so good at lying? Does anyone really care? Or am I as alone as I originally thought? Is the world as sad as I am? Or am I just the sad one in the happy world?
~Kninea
We are monsters. Our animalistic instinct is our fight or flight reflexes. Most of the time our reflexes say fight, thinking they will win. Sometimes they say take flight. The human race is going to shit, we’re becoming animals, monsters even. And for some reason the only people who can see this are the people who have been through a tragedy, they’ve been through hell and back, not much has changed. So when it comes to depression you either fight it (work through the stuff, make it better for yourself) or you take flight (give up or commit suicide). That’s just they way we’ve always […]
I haven’t posted in forever, but I recently started thinking of this site because of what has happened. I’m a monster, I’m a horribly fucked up person. Apparently I’m great at breaking hearts. Apparently I get people to fall in love with me and then once I have that power I break their fucking hearts and to me this makes me a monster. I don’t want to hurt people, I don’t want to be this way, but I can’t seem to change. I’ve hurt so many people being the way I am and it’s not okay. I wish I could change, I wish I could […]
Today I wanna talk about suicide. I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say this, but most of you are looking for the easy way out. Now I know you’re thinking ‘You think this is the easy way out?’ When really it is the easy way out. You don’t want to stay and fight through the pain like most of us have. You can’t handle the pain so you want to end it all. The point of this post is to tell you all that are contemplating suicide that you don’t have to end it and you’re not alone. Look at all these people […]
I’m a normal person. I don’t ever do anything wrong. I mean yeah I smoke and smoke weed. I cuss and I cut, but that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, so why do these things always happen to me? Just… why? I haven’t done anything to these people so why does them say forget about me hurt so much? Why have I been depressed ever since that. I don’t care about that. I just don’t know what’s happening to me anymore. Why does this always happen to me?
~Kninea
I have dealt with more pain than you think. You have no reason to judge me. The simple fact that you judge me proves that you are smaller and weaker than me. You can’t deal with the pain I’ve been through. Yeah you can say all you want about me, but it’s not gonna change what I believe and I believe in myself. I don’t need to believe in you or your friends or your family. I don’t have to listen to you or what you have to say. I am me for a reason and no one can change that. You can go fuck […]
This may be a bit confusing to some of you, but it’s what has the need to be let out of my head. When you’re depressed you need to hold onto whatever you can to live. Make up an excuse and believe it. I can’t say I have felt more pain than someone else because no one can feel what someone feels. I can imagine what others have been through based on my tolerance of pain, but to say I have it worse than someone else does can’t be true. Yes, I know this is horrible, but at least once everyday I imagine killing myself […]
Hi, call me Kninea, and no that’s not my real name. We were told to not use them so this is my username now. Some of you have found this website the same way I did. Through a book, things like smooth passages. I have dealt with my own version of depression. Hasn’t everyone at least once in their life? I, myself, have fleeting moments of depression, but those moments are almost unbearable. I have decided to tell you my opinion on depression. I, honestly, have contemplated suicide, but I wouldn’t want my family to go through the pain I go through. That’s the only […]