Author

kurea

Its been a while

by kurea 8/24/2015

written by kurea

It’s been a while since I last logged in here. A long while. A few years. I don’t know what made me think of it now but I remembered it and how at the time, writing helped.

The depression is back. It never really left I guess, but after I was put on meds I was on those for about two years and became a semi functional member of society. Then I was taken back off them, and I had gotten myself to an okay place and kept trundling on living day by day doing anything to put a bit of sunshine into life. But it’s […]

8/24/2015 1 comment

Day 9 on Citalopram

by kurea 10/13/2012

written by kurea

Mood’s crashed. I knew it wasn’t going to last long. I had a pretty good week, things were going alright i even made a new friend 🙂 but no, i’m not allowed to have that level of peace in my life.

Those same fears are creeping back in. One at a time, they’re sort of bypassing the firewall so to speak. I’m sick at the moment as well, so that’s not helping much. Haven’t cried but to be honest i think it’s just a matter of time. I’m trying to keep busy, like i said i made a new friend and he’s lovely, i’ve tried doing […]

10/13/2012 0 comment

Day 6 on Citalopram

by kurea 10/10/2012

written by kurea

It’s a weird feeling. The first few days just felt hectic. Bit sick, but nothing too bad. Woozy more than anything. It seems to have stopped now though.

The side effects seem minimal so far. I can’t stop yawning. For hours after i take it, i yawn constantly. And feel a bit high, like my stomach is floating and i’m kind of doing a space walk. Been zoning in and out alot, not thinking about anything in particular but just staring into space. Other than that and mild sickness, things seem good on that front.

The biggest change is my mood. I seem incapable of negative thought. […]

10/10/2012 6 comments

Joining the medicated masses.

by kurea 10/5/2012

written by kurea

Well it’s official. Went to the GP again today, and after a long talk with a very nice doctor (making a point of saying he was very nice because i’ve had some crappy doctors in the past) i’ve now been given a prescription for anti-depressants. I’m both happy and sad about this. Happy because finally, maybe, i might get some control over how i feel and sad because it’s actually taken medication to get this sorted out. Medication was kind of the option i was saving for last. In the UK medication isn’t usually the first option they jump to, but he knows the councelling […]

10/5/2012 10 comments

Getting help sucks sometimes.

by kurea 10/2/2012

written by kurea

So yeah went to the councelling session today. I didn’t cry, go me. She insists on telling me how brave i am to have overcome this this and this, as always. Sometimes i think she just doesn’t know what to say to me. We talked about the fact that my education is a shambles. She suggested i should aim towards a degree in youth work, because of how i’ve always been so focused on helping others. That i should be aiming towards a caring profession. Social work and psychiatry is a no no, but if teaching isn’t going to work out for me then i […]

10/2/2012 1 comment

Today’s been a crappy day :(

by kurea 10/1/2012

written by kurea

For no reason in particular. Nothing bad happened to me. It’s just been one of those really down days and i can’t seem to drag myself back up again.

It started out fine. I stayed in my boyfriend’s last night. Got up early, got ready for class, he left for work. Got to class, included myself in some conversations, actually laughed a few times. Then i dunno, all started going downhill i guess. My mood just crashed. Same old same old what am i doing with my life arguement. I’m fed up crying over how i’ve messed my life up. I’m good for nothing. I haven’t […]

10/1/2012 22 comments

Mummy’s girl.

by kurea 9/28/2012

written by kurea

Not feeling overly great today 🙁

Last night i broke down crying in front of my mum. A pile of crap just kept spilling out of my mouth about how i was afraid to leave the house and how afraid i was that she’d die (completely unfounded, it’s not like she’s terminally ill there’s no reason for that fear) and i just couldn’t stop crying. We were discussing the possibility of me moving in with a friend. Whilst i’d love to be out and be independent with a friend so i can actually have something resembling a normal life, i’m terrified to leave her. Almost like […]

9/28/2012 3 comments

New to this place

by kurea 9/25/2012

written by kurea

Hey there. Was going to use a fake name but it’s too much effort so you can just call me Kurea. She’s a character from a japanese anime i like.

I found this site on google. I can’t even remember what i was searching for. “What’s the point in living” or something similar i suppose. But i found it and it intrigued me. Not alot interests me these days, maybe it’s the idea other people feel the same as i do. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone though, not even my worst enemy.

I guess we’re all depressed here. Well so am i. It’ll be 6 years […]

9/25/2012 8 comments