I still have no idea what to do. I want more than anything to see my baby boy grow up. But this pain…I’m drowning. What did I do to deserve this. I didn’t want this. I was there for our baby when he wasn’t. Now he wants every other holiday…why didn’t he does this before the baby? We waited 3 years. As soon as we find out were expecting he all of a sudden hates me? What did I do? I didn’t want this. Holidays without my baby? I don’t know how to do that. I can’t do that. I feel selfish. I don’t want to be. That’s why I think I should just take my life. I’m not emotionally strong enough to handle this. I have tried so hard.
I think today I have decided to just end it. I’m not going through court. I think my baby would be better off without me. I hope and pray that his daddy will take good care of him. I’m so worried about that. He’s not very patient and cares more about himself…but I can’t handle fighting anymore. My baby is my world and I can’t stand sitting back watching this happen. Please god take care of my baby. Please. In less than 2 weeks I’m planning on being out of this world. I have failed. I’m too weak. Mommy loves you so much baby boy.
My husband and i were together 3 years before we decided to have a baby. He started cheating on me when I was 5 months pregnant. He left the week of Thanksgiving. Our baby was born early march. Ive tried so hard for my baby boy to make things work with his daddy. I feel like ive failed my son. I had made plans. Wrote a letter to my son. Set a date. Our anniversary…vicodin and alcohol. Then i realized im all my baby has. He doesn’t have his daddy he needs his mommy…but now were talking divorce…hes decided he wants to be in his life. I dont want to share. I didn’t do anything and i didn’t want this. I cant stop thinking about him someday having a step mommy. Hes too young to understand right now. Im not strong enough to deal with this. I cant compete with another woman for my son’s love. We could come to an agreement and we wouldn’t have to go through court and it would save alot of money. I feel horrible about it but ive got to fight to keep him away from my son. If i lose im done. Im going through with the plan while hes still too young to understand. Hes all ive got..