i dont know
what to say
the blinking cursor
is taunting me
its a blank page
a brand new post
what do i write?
do i write how i am?
do i write how you are?
do i write whatever?
i dont know really
i guess my message
for today,
that is within this poem
is;
im going to stop posting.
i cant take it
i have made more people
worry about me
more people think i matter
more people care about me
more people to bring pain to
when i say my final Au Revoir
its hurting me too
Hi Guys,
Impeccably tired and I do not feel like writing at all what so ever so..
How are you?
Au Demain
PS: I am doing… *shrugs*
There are so many reasons to die, there are so many ways to die, there are so many ways to kill yourself. There isn’t a lot of reasons to live. There isn’t a lot of ways to live. There isn’t a lot of ways to just make your self live…
Adjusting to the lights dimming
Adjusting to the hurt
Adjusting to the hopelessness
Adjusting to the lies
Adjusting to the late night cries
Adjusting to the mental pain
Adjusting to the terrible images
Adjusting to the temptation
Adjusting to the suicidal feelings
Adjusting to the suicidal thoughts
Adjusting to being alone again
Adjusting to being hurt again
Adjusting to being lied to again
Adjusting to being left again
Adjusting to being ignored again
Adjusting to being not cared for again
Adjusting to being something that doesn’t matter again
Adjusting to being a nobody
Adjusting to being just a fake
Adjusting to being nothing but a lie
Adjusting […]
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Breathe Me – Sia
That moment when you make a connection with a song….
Hi Guys,
This post is going to be bit short… Sorry about that… It’s a bit late here… About 10:30 here… Sorry about posting so late…
Anywho how are you guys?
How am I? Physically: Sore. Mentally: Let’s not even go into that….
My physical state… Soo I am bit tired… My trip was after school (around 2:30) the group I was with drove up to Menogyn (Took us about 6-7 hours? Maybe seven… Not sure… I think driving was 7… And then picking up everyone was about 1/2 hour… And eating dinner was 1/2 an hour…) Anywho so after that […]
On Thursday night after you didn’t reply I felt alone
On Thursday night it was the first time in a few months that I sobbed myself to sleep
On Thursday night I felt so suicidal
On Thursday night I felt the lowest of low
On Thursday night it was going to be the second time I cut
On Thursday night I was so frustrated with myself I threw my scissors across the room
On Thursday night I was so so so so so close to the edge
On Thursday night I felt very very very worthless
On Thursday night I felt very very very useless
Hi Guys,
Sorry for the late notice… But I am disconnecting from the world to go Dog Sledding. 😀 So I will NOT be post today or tomorrow. I will post Sunday though. Have a good weekend!!! And don’t worry about me! 😀
a blinking cursor
a crying girl
a flickering screen
a dying heart
a white screen
a black background
a red blade
a clear tear
a silent cry
a loud scream
a hurt yell
a broken howl
a thinking mind
a scaring monster
a running person
a loving soul
a pale face
a pink cut
a blue wall
a dark spot
a violent whisper
a quiet scream
a hopeless word
a panicked voice
i dont know anymore. i thought i could recover. i thought i can hold it in and just keep it to myself. to just keep it in all of it. all of the secrets. all of the lies. all of the masks. but i dont know. i dont know if im close to breaking all together. i dont know if im close to just going. i dont know if im close to jumping. i dont know if im backing away from the edge. i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what personality is which. i dont which smile is which. i dont […]
Hi Guys,
I broke.
Au Demain
PS: How are you?
Hi Guys,
It’s 8:30 here and I am already exhausted… I haven’t been getting much sleep these past few nights… Maybe 4-5 hours at the most? Maybe less? All I know is I have been going to bed around 1-2 am and waking up at 5-6:30 am… So not much sleep there… But ya know I don’t really care… Well I guess I do because I feel lonely those 3-4 extra hours and I don’t know what to do with myself…. I start overthinking things. I start wondering, questioning, questioning my very own existence. Why am I here for? What am I here for? What is […]
Hi Guys,
It’s almost 10 here and I am exhausted… Needless to say I do enjoy writing, just not when I am extremely tired. So if this is short I do apologize for that.
Now how are you? (Don’t forget to comment! I do read them… Sometimes I forget to reply… Sorry, but I do read them!)
How am I? Physically: Sore, Tired, Exhausted Mentally: Broken
My physical state… Well I went skiing tonight (for ski club) fell down and my ski tip jabbed into my inner thigh soo that’s bruised. I had a few panic attacks and two breakdowns where I couldn’t take […]
Hi Guys,
How are you? How’s your life? How is your day? Don’t forget to comment down below how you are! I do want to know!
NOTE: Really sorry for this being a long post… I didn’t really try to… Writing is the only way I can get my feelings out.
How am I? Does it even matter how I am? Does it matter? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. How am I? Physically? Sore. Bruised. Hurt. Scarred. Mentally? Broken. In Pain. Hurt. Scared.
My physical state… I keep getting headaches… Waking up this morning I hit my head on my wall and it hurt like crazy, but […]
Hi Guys,
How are you? Again sorry its so late… Well it’s really not that late… Only not really… It’s 9 here…. Soo yeah…
How am I? Does it matter? Does it matter how I am? Does it matter what I am feeling? No it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Only you matter. I don’t. So yeah…. Um yeah…
Here’s a monologue thingie:
I have it planned out. I wouldn’t say goodbye. I wouldn’t tell you. It’d be a surprise. You would think I am fine. Because I am. To you I am fine. To you I am doing just great. To you I am perfectly […]
im shivering
im cold
im crying
im broken
im alone
im terrified
im shivering
doors close
radio on
darkness within
no light
pain hurts
hurting now
doors close
feeling lonely
feeling useless
feeling worthless
feeling terrible
feeling hurt
feeling suicidal
feeling lonely
i scream
i yell
i talk
i whisper
i hear
i listen
i scream
within me
within darkness
within pain
within hurt
within loneliness
within brokenness
within me
Hi Guys,
Sorry it’s so late… I just don’t feel like posting anymore… I don’t feel like continuing with these daily posts… I just don’t feel like writing things down anymore. I think it’s better for me and for everyone if I just bottle things up. So…. I think I’m going to stop… I’ll keep writing… Just not every day… If you didn’t see one of my last posts about this topic here it is:
ive decided to bottle things up again. ive decided that it doesnt matter if im breaking, broken, or perfectly fine. it doesnt matter that i want a hug. it doesnt matter […]
ive decided to bottle things up again. ive decided that it doesnt matter if im breaking, broken, or perfectly fine. it doesnt matter that i want a hug. it doesnt matter that i feel so broken and in pain at times. it doesnt matter. me. i dont matter. my feelings dont matter. everything about me doesnt matter. what matters if you guys are okay. if you are okay good. i dont matter. it doesnt matter. my life. my feelings. my pain. it doesnt matter at all. what so ever.
ive also decided that im going to start lying. if you ask me how i am […]
Breaking
I feel broken
I know its not good
To keep feelings bottled up
But I feel if I do tell my feelings
I feel annoying
I don’t know why
And I don’t know how
But I do
I will fake a smile
To make people happy
I will give you a compliment
To make you happy
Sometimes I want to be happy
But sometimes we can’t get what we want
I live a life of lies
I lie
I know I know it’s bad
But its not really lying
More like not telling the WHOLE truth
I want my friends to be happy
I know that in […]
Hi Guys,
Day 20! 20 daily posts!!! Woo… It’s been a rough and sad journey, BUT we are not done xD.
So how are you guys? (Comment below!!! I’ll try to answer…)
How am I? Physically: Drained Mentally: Drained
My physical state… I have a massive headache, I am terribly tired, I feel sick and blech and *sigh*. Right now it’s one of those moods, those depressed suicidal moods, but I will get through it alive… But maybe I won’t I don’t know…. I just need someone there ya know? I just *sigh* it doesn’t really matter how I feel I guess. I mean really does it? Does […]