Breaking
I feel broken
I know its not good
To keep feelings bottled up
But I feel if I do tell my feelings
I feel annoying
I don’t know why
And I don’t know how
But I do
I will fake a smile
To make people happy
I will give you a compliment
To make you happy
Sometimes I want to be happy
But sometimes we can’t get what we want
I live a life of lies
I lie
I know I know it’s bad
But its not really lying
More like not telling the WHOLE truth
I want my friends to be happy
I know that in my mind I should come first
But my friends do
I worry about them
I worry about most things, actually
I know it’s probably not good for me
But its something that…comforts me
Something I can hold on to
I know its not the healthiest
But I don’t care
I mask my pain
I seem happy in day
But at night I cry
People think I’m happy all day, every day
And I know we all have our bad days
I’ve shown people that I can have bad days
But a bad life?
They don’t know that
They don’t need to
But sometimes I don’t want to be the anchor
The anchor of the group
I want someone to comfort me
But I think that sounds selfish
And I guess it does
Maybe my life is better this way
Masking my tears and fears
Masking my pain
So people will think I’m fine.
I am fine.
Actually, no I’m not.
But who cares?
No one.
I know I have friends that I can tell
But they’re all busy
So if I do tell them I feel annoying and blech while telling them
I know I should because they’re my friends
But sometimes I don’t know.
Sometimes I just don’t know
What to do in my life
Sometimes I’m not happy
Sometimes I cry
We all make mistakes
But I’ve think I’ve made the biggest
I’ve made this facade
This fake image of happiness
And I have my excuses from time to time
On why I’m not happy
But someday my barrier will break
I will break
And I don’t know what will happen.
2 comments
This is me.
Hi LetitGo! You know something?……you are not a fake, you are a real person. I might also add a real person who can write out your feelings so articulately. That my dear is a talent, a gift, and a way to heal. Sometimes we can not express to our friends face to face how we feel, but we can express to them and ourselves the way we feel in writing. So journal to us here or to yourself. It helps the feelings come out and exposes them to the air, which in turn helps them dissipate. If you are following my metaphors.
Take care my friend, keep the pen moving, it will help. Also write down some of your good thoughts, so you always know that you have those too!