LetTheLostKittensPlay

I feel like I’m barely a part of life, thanks to a little known and poorly understood DISEASE known as situational mutism. It’s so poorly understood, that people with this burden are having to refer to it as ‘situational mutism’ as the actual name implies it’s optional.

Just like most of us hear from others, ignorant people who refuse to believe we aren’t quiet or shy. In my case, throughout my late teens and early adulthood (from 18) I’ve been infantilised. Kick me if that’s the wrong spelling. In a condescending way I would have people speak to me in soft voices, as if speaking any […]

It wasn’t so long ago (if you think about it) that lobotomy was encouraged as a method to treat depression and other mental health issues. There’s a lot of mental health issues that still have no appropriate treatment, and there’s no help guaranteed. I’ve only recently become aware that when it comes to psych drugs, everything’s a gamble.

The doctors don’t entirely know what is going to help or what is going to happen as a result of SSRIs. In my case, Zoloft triggered anhedonia and left me with both insomnia and no positive emotions.

I’m sat here after 6 months of suffering trying to figure out […]

NOTE : THIS ISN’T AGAINST ANTIDEPRESSANTS, ONLY MY PERSONAL NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE OF ONE. PLEASE DON’T BE DISCOURAGED IF USING THEM TO HELP SURVIVE.

Now I’ve always been suicidal, some days more desperate than others, but never once had I felt it was something out of my hands. Even on the days I did want to be alive, I still had those days. Suicide was a plan in the background for when things really got messed up. I’ve been screwed around by the NHS time and time again, typical mental health team failing dozens, me included. Yet we’re just numbers, no understanding of what battles we’re fighting […]

I’ve missed out on so many life experiences, I have no idea how to function as an adult, my mind is trapped at a young age. And the worst part is, this is beyond my control. We cannot control how others treat us, we cannot fake “confidence” without being confident in the first place. My place is in a grave, and the sooner this happens, the sooner I don’t have to feel pain anymore.

Call me pathetic, but it hurts my heart. I wish someone could romantically cuddle up to me… I haven’t had any feelings reciprocated before. Needn’t comment on this part though, my problems […]

Therapists don’t look at what CAUSED the problem, only the SYMPTOMS of the problem. And that is what hurts. You can keep on tackling the symptoms of a cold or cough, and then it turns out to be bronchitis. Actually I did end up with a typical cough/cold that year, and yes it eventually turned into bronchitis. I know it isn’t the BEST comparison, but hopefully you get my point. It’s like putting a plaster on a gaping wound, that wound is going to stay open and collect bacteria and get infected to the point where that limb might need to get removed or it […]

I’m a twin who had to be born via emergency caesarean due to being crushed in the womb. My twin was pressed too tightly against me and was near enough stopping my heart. I wonder what the chances were that that could have killed me.  Probably only slight, but this just makes me think “was I even supposed to be here?” If only my sister survived and not me.

Seriously, I’m just so upset with myself and nothing feels great anymore.

I really feel like I’ve messed my head up so bad over the last 12 years, to the point of no return.

I had a panic attack today, first one in ages… guess why? The delivery person came, I ended up getting really overwhelmed for whatever reason… jeez.

I just hate showing my face to anyone. There’s a reason why I became housebound. I feel lesser than everyone else, to the point where I fear others can sense my insecurities. Can sense that I feel inferior. Even to a delivery person who’s just there to drop […]

I can’t stop falling asleep, no matter how much I try to stay awake I NEED TO SLEEP.

It could be my depression, but I’m not even sure as I have never been like this.

All I know is that I wake up and forget what day it is and the Earth around me feels unreal. I’m currently freaking out as it’s Saturday and I cannot even remember it being Monday!

Maybe I should stop staying awake until 2AM on the Internet. I have a real screwed up relationship with the Internet, I go aimlessly visiting websites for hours on end just to escape from my own problems. […]

I can’t shake the sadness off. It’s overwhelming. I keep trying to ignore it. To shield it. To do the things that make me “happy” but nothing is working anymore. I can’t tell people about this. I feel embarrassed. Why am I so suicidal when I’m supposed to be happy? Isn’t this what I lived for? To become my greater self? Then why hasn’t it happened? Why am I hurting all of a sudden? Why do I feel like I don’t belong in my own skin and that my thoughts don’t belong to me? I don’t feel comfortable anymore. I’m considering ending it soon. I’m […]

I haven’t been on my medication in what feels like forever and I don’t even know how to feel about this. All I can say is I’m really detached from the world, it feels like body isn’t even a solid mass, I’m just a floating mass or something. It especially unnerves me at night when I keep losing sensation in my limbs and worry that I’ll momentarily become paralysed if I don’t shake myself out of it. Sometimes the detachment gets so bad I can’t even stand up without feeling blood rushing to my head and nearly toppling over.

It’s almost like I’m intoxicated but without […]

So I woke up this morning in tears. It weren’t just a wet face I had, it honestly felt like my soul was being torn from me. I guess the pain built up on itself. I know I’m the one to blame, though. I can get out of this dark pit, I can make the hope for recovery possible again, but I’m stubborn and I want to see how much worse it can get.

I feel rather hopeless, especially after reading a few posts on here. Everyone has something that troubles them and everyone has a proper reason for their emotional pain and need to escape, […]

I’m sabotaging my own life.

I haven’t left my room for a while.

I’ve gotten into a bad habit of starving myself.

I haven’t showered for so long even I’m starting to smell it.

I force myself to stay awake at night and then spend mornings sleeping it all off.

I am now self-harming after 2 years of being clean.

I don’t interact with anyone. My friends are gone. My parents hardly see me.

I have given up on my education.

I’m going to be 20 next year and I nearly feel myself crying over it.

In fact, I have moments where I realise I’m crying and have no reason for it.

I’m giving up […]

I posted something on here a while ago and the thing got deleted. I’m not sure what happened. :c