Fuck! Someone tell me what to god dam do? I cant seeen to fuckn readjust after being in two theaters of combat. Its like whatever I do back home is wrong, I try and try but always fuck up. I took a dark cloud or a curse with me. I cannot function here. No one can help. I need to run. i think I van do this if I run. Drop all my bills and mistakes and go. Live in the woods or canada or thailand. Just chop wood. I stare at my handgun. Â i cant do it and I cant run and no one […]
I’m not sure why I sneak out of bed every night, get my pistol and just stare at it for hours instead of simply pulling the trigger in my garage.
All my problems will come scretching to a halt, with one tiny trigger pinch.
Why the hell is this so hard????????????????
I made another mistake. Again another mistake. All the stress, disappointment, failure, wasted finances I dont have, problems at work, added to my already deterioratking career, empty  savings account, disappointed family and friends, car and motorcycle thay need to be rebuilt, jeez the list goes on. Just when you thought it was piled high or you feel youc’re making baby steps toward improvement THEN you get kicked all the way back into a crawl.
I dont get itk? All these other people are so successful, almost with out even trying. While I try my ass off s succeed  then FALL! I fall twice as far as […]
I just sat down for the last several hours and wrote a note or a “Suicide note” to everyone I will be leaving and it made me feel good inside. And brought me just a little closer to going through with it. Again I’m not a big church guy but Im planning on going to mass and penance this weekend too, for what its worth. In my note I don’t blame anyone, I just wanted them to know I love them and ensure them my end is not their fault. I also don’t want a funeral, I want to be cremated, spread at […]
I hate mornings, it takes me all night to fall asleep then all morning to wake up. I set my alarm super early but just turn it off instead of getting up. Was also able to lie to my boss and not go to work today or tomorrow which will take me right through the weekend. Perfect, I don’t have to leave my house for at least 4 days. I need to start planning the end but I’m too depressed to do much of anything. I need to put it together. Anyone out there?
Why do I set barriers up on how I should go? I can get a gun, which has got to be the easiest way to do it, but I feel like people will “blame” the gun? Is that weird? I’m all for gun rights and wouldnt want my suicide to be the cause of more gun laws? Why do I care?
I also won’t do it in my house because I don’t want the house tainted or haunted for the next person who lives there. Again why do I care?
Leaning toward a rope in my office.