I hate mornings, it takes me all night to fall asleep then all morning to wake up. I set my alarm super early but just turn it off instead of getting up. Was also able to lie to my boss and not go to work today or tomorrow which will take me right through the weekend. Perfect, I don’t have to leave my house for at least 4 days. I need to start planning the end but I’m too depressed to do much of anything. I need to put it together. Anyone out there?
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
41 comments
I’m here colonel,
some times you gotta suck it up in the face of adversity – i know it all seems hopeless – but there is still a glimmer of hope and until that is gone, you need to show you family how you face your mistakes with honor.
sorry if I sound like …
hard ass drill sergeant dawg 😉
You know my situation. It’s going to be a long road with no light at the end of the tunnel. Why are you here? Your life seems great and the fact that you help people makes your life even better.
my friend – my attitude may be great and I feel good helping others – but that doesn’t make my “life” great. my story is posted here, you can look it up – the super short story is money family and legal problems all creating the “perfect storm”
but I don’t really feel “sorry” for me – I accept my responsibility for putting myself in this position – but I am resigned that when the last card is played and I lose the game – it’s ‘game over” just like that – done. like turning out the light in a room. that time is close – but every time I think ‘this is it” something happens that extends me just a few more days – the past is past – the future is what we make and what we find
Help me help the kids here while waiting for your d-day – but don’t give up until it’s “check and mate”
philosophy dawg
FYI – I really do feel your pain – and you do have my sympathy for your situation – but I AM going to be harder on you than the kids here – you are an US Military officer – no matter what the outcome of your CM you still need o face your demons with the bravery and fortitude that your soldiers saw in you that made them respect you – if you are as good as you said – and I believe you are – then your men STILL believe in you even though you’ve been relieved – they will still be there to cover your back – all soldiers will have your back – politics and military go hand in hand – we deal with it for what it is. But I KNOW you have it in you to snap out of this funk and get through your CM and to move forward through adversity – just like you did on a battle field – you get the job done period.
rally dawg
Hey Dawg …
But sometimes we gotta help the helper … I think they call that Karma 🙂
Not sure where you are at with your thing but i ave a few ‘alternative’ suggestions …outside the box if you will. Only suggestions though …its ur call mate …
You mentioned the need to repair your truck, so i assume you provide some kind of related service.
Have you possibly considered co’s as per below? ie NO money is exchanged , rather services are bartered ~ they do something for you and you do something for them …
Depending upon how big the Barter co is depends on how many services exist and how liquid the market.
~ http://www.americanbartertx.com/
~ http://www.barterquest.com/
~ http://mytradeamerica.com/
~ http://www.u-exchange.com/barteringusa (enter truck repair into key search for ur area)
~ http://www.barternews.com/mappage/default.htm
~ http://www.canadianbartersystem.com/faqs.html
Below is another idea – and maybe further resaerch could reveal something similiar in your local Area. Also maybe try the various ask nearby charities and ask what would they recommend. Do they offer loans/grants etc?
http://www.charitymotors.org/autoimprovement.php
example of An Auto Loan co ~
http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/auto_loans_from_ways_to_work.html
Info on charities that might be able to assist with Vehicle repairs
~ http://www.modestneeds.org/intro/
~ http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/charities_and_organizations_th.html
~ http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/free_car_repairs.html
Trust that gives you some things to consider outside the norm …?
Regards,
Ad Astra
hey lon ~ can u approve my comment above, as ur the mod for this thread …?
Many Thanks…
Can i also suggest, some prqactical tips for sleeping better? Stay off the net & ry not to listen to hyper music 2 hrs b4 bed ….try read a good book before bed?
Sure. The only happiness I have is getting online and playing a frign video game with my brother and old buddy both who live far away. I forget everything while playing with them, then when they get off for bed or the gym, I’m depressed again.
I dont know your personal situation Lon3, so excuse me, but we can continue to focus on our ‘past problems’ or decide one day to focus on our future solutions, byt starting today ….
That said, Dawg is quite a good thinker and communicator so u are in good hands also.
Coming up with positive solutions requires ‘good quality thinking’, but mostly, YOU must then take action …. and last time i checked, the military is quite big on developing this skill no?
Im sure you have AMPLE courage within you and are a VG thinker, when you combine the two ~ progress starts.
Everyone can feel sorry for themselves (ie pple have all kinds of challenges) but no one will ever get anywhere until pple make a +ve start ….. you included.
Take Care
Ad Astra Per Aspera
ps: playing video games is fun, but it doesnt solve or address any problems …. ?
thx for approving Lon. Appreciated ..
Well working on my stupid Ph.D isn’t working. Dealing with lawyers all day, I don’t want to get into it, I’m such a coward.
hope sleep comes easier, wish you well and thanks for listening./
atleast you made it this far, and your healthy, enjoy it,. continue on your path there is light at the tunnel, dealing with lawyers is better than dealing with nothing… adklshf qu’l ankgmqe’lvlkn[[o]pg[NHW
\-JO9U=0QIE2 9IJU 8
Getting up to take a piss is hard to do. I hate getting up.
I don’t even know why I’m here complaining about this. I just need to do it but can’t. I’m a *ussy and I’ve never been one my whole life.
@Lon3-Spartan….would love to pick your brain….lol….any history of abuse here?….just wondering why the lethargy and depression are so severe right now…do you happen to suffer from PTSD as well?…..just wondering….would explain a lot of your symptoms
in the end….if today was your last day on the planet…..what would you do?…..if someone else tried to end your life….what would you do?….just wondering
you seem to be an upbeat, helpful, caring,empathetic person…..when you get outside of your own trauma….and are helping others…..what gives….why can’t you give the same degree of care to yourself without thinking your selfish?…..just wondering
sorry if i ramble and ask a million questions….just the head space i’m in today
Namaste
No. From a nuclear family, educated (BA & MA with honors), vet of 2 wars but that doesn’t both me I enjoyed the good we were doing over there, own property. I do care about my family & friends they are number 1, politics, sick puppies, and for some reason everyone who hurts on this site…you name it I care. I’m in better shape than most people half my age. But this stupid arrest is going to cause me to lose my job and this life I built for my family will vanish. Crumble like a deck of cards. I explain it all in my post yesterday. I need the medical benifits for my family. If I go they are covered by insurance finacially and medically. After that they can I can be replaced, no worries. Me being here is just torture for them right now.
colonel – it ain’t over til it’s over brother! and you mentioned two very important words … “Right Now” … yes shit is fubar … right now …. but you didn’t get to your level by giving up … how would you counsel one of your men if they were in the EXaCT same situation? Would you really tell them to “eat the Glock?!?”
spend some time feeling sorry for yourself – it’s ok – and it’s natural – then get up, dust yourself off and start making contingency plans!
If DD Eisenhauer didn’t make contingency plans on the fly for his mistake for leaving the Ardens too thinly guarded at the battle of the bulge, europe would be completely german right now – but istead of dwelling on the MISTAKE and who’s fault it was – he focused on the SOLUTION and dropped in the 101st and 82nd to block and turned Patton north and ultimately kicked kraut ass back across the rhine – what do we learn? it’s not how bad of a mistake you make – but how we respond to it!
it’s time to Fight for your men/command, your family and your DOGS! For Gods sake if nothing else – Fight for your DOGS!!! Find out ever possible outcome of your CM and make a reaction plan for each possibility – and kiss some ass with your superiors, that never hurts 😉
take the time NOW to insulate your family from the fallout so they don’t get hurt too much
I would trade you MY situation for yours 10 out of 10 times!! If you are working on a PhD, doesn’t that mean you have a masters already? are you telling me that after your CM is resolved you can’t find a decent job with benefits with a masters degree?!? come ON Man – If anyone can FIx this – YOU CAN!!!
I Believe in you brother! don’t let the ‘perfect” be the enemy of the “good”
taffy 3 dawg
Yes, but if this was a tactical or strategic situation it would be different. I’ve made tactical mistakes, that’s all part of the chess game. It’s not, my family is at stake. I have no idea how it got this far. It should have ended at self defence, why is the DA pushing this? Nothing makes sence. My relief is the hardest hit.
Dawg…I feel your passion and fire and desire you showing to lon3. You brought tears to my eyes as I felt your care and concern for. Dawg is smart lon3. Take his words to heart because he is speaking straight from it.
Hey mwtele, good morning man. I know he is and appriciate it but its not easy over here. I am going not going to be able to provide for those who love me, this way I will. I need to do this and soon, but can’t.
IA CM is a felony conviction.
I was in a similar situation where my ex-wife accused me of abuse (that never happened) – at the height of the OJ trials – I though I was ToaST for SURE … bu a jury of my “peers” found me not guilty – I risked serious prison time instead of taking a “plea” … I was mentally prepared for prison but the truth prevailed and I walked away free – and she was branded a liar
good things CAN happen to good people.
can you talk to a chaplain for some guidance?
true – your family is at stake – which is exactly the reason you should be fighting that much harder for them. I really don’t think your family will see “eating the glock’ as their chosen means of deliverance – call me crazy
cuckoo dawg
I don’t know, Dawg.
Its hard lon3. You lots of serious thing being thrown at you at once. Throw them to us so you don’t have to go this alone. Something someone says might make things clearer for you. I’m not saying this is gonna fix everything but take some time and just sit here for a while.
Lon3-Spartan……sorry about my nonsense earlier….wanted it to be simple….but few things in life really are….
want to share something with you…..my partner lost his job(a very good job) almost 4 years ago at the beginning of this latest economic disaster….by September of this year we had gone through the severance, pensions, unemployment, retraining allowance etc……there are no jobs here for 52 year old men of any kind
he took a minimum wage job to keep body and soul together….and on the fourth day….went to leave work….and someone had stolen his car…..he earned $300 and it cost almost $2000 to get the car back….by then even the job was gone…just saying that it has been very hard…..in September…..he left…..
why i’m telling you this is because…..he left so i would qualify for my full disability pension….have benefits etc. again…..i’m currently wearing 14 year old eye glasses and haven’t been to a dentist in over 6 years….no benefits…no money
so now he’s gone…..they’re fighting me over my pension….i’m currently trying to exist on less than $800 a month and my rent is $675….and i still have a child at home to care for…..and even though i’m sure it will all get straightened out eventually…..all i want is for him to come home…..money really isn’t everything….take it from someone who has done without for the first time in my life….life sucks….i miss my safe place to fall….
i heard once that the only way out of a difficult situation is through it….if you want to end your life…..hope you don’t…..but do it for the right reasons…..unless you’re a total asshole….i’m sure you’re family would choose you over the money hands down
i know what it is to feel that kind of fear and despair and frustration and confusion
the new psych today asked me why i was there….i told her because i am frustrated and pissed off….she asked if i was suicidal….i said yes, that’s why i’m pissed…..cuz suicide is no longer an option for me…..i hope someday you realize that it really isn’t a solution for you either
got something that you might hear….the last verse reminded me of your situation….please take time to listen….if you are an old one….you probably know the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9e9eYlUN3s
Namaste
I’m just sitting here, no place to go. It’s a nice day out and that’s pudding me off too. I’ll get those sunset pics for u today. That’s what I have to look forward to.
Lon…..mediate my most current comment…..please….hope it doesn’t make things worse for you….never my intention
Hey, what you need is a suicide planner, someone who just comes in and takes care of all the logistical shit. Like a wedding planner, but more morose. Problem is, those who are good at this job wind up dead… wouldn’t it be great though? They can even help sort out the funeral.
could u imagine the looks ud get when u told someone ur job tho lmao
Im good at operational planning. It’s mission execution I’m apparently non-mission-capable at.
No, Amakua, you’re good 🙂
My weird gay uncle’s even weirder gay boyfriend euthanised himself, he claimed to have really bad cancer or something. He had all the medical stuff to do it. I think via IV drip. That sounds peaceful and everyone is cool with it when you say “euthanised”.
hey Lon3….just wondering….who is this everyone you speak of…..i for one don’t agree with euthanasia….i also don’t agree with medical intervention short of pain meds etc…..i believe when our number is called we will go….and not before then….you sound more confused and world sick than cowardly to me……i couldn’t have done half of what you have accomplished…and I AM a warrior….just saying
Stand and Fight Soldier
It’s Your Life
Peace
Amakua, that’s a nice song. Thank you. I’m more of a Metallica guy…lol. Honestly, thank you, that meant a lot.
oh yeah….just popped in my head….you have no problem fighting a perceived enemy….but now the enemy is YOU
Peace brother
You are loved
Amakua, Im a Eagle Scout too…lol. My bio is just that. I’m nothing special, believe me. Just an idiot who had everything, did something that was the right thing at a point but went over board I guess and will now pay. More importantly my family will pay unless I stop it. I’m pretty mediocre.
Dear Dear Lon
what makes you so very special….is that you are humble…..but enough is enough…..lol…..you know you are awesome….as for the mistake…..maybe not a mistake….just saying
went through the death of a grand child in October….mother responsible…..my son and i had been estranged for 2 years…..bad situation…..took it as an opportunity to heal…..i told him….we can do all the right things for what we believe are all the right reasons….but in the end we may not be successful….ultimately we can have a plan but in the end it really is God’s plan…..whoever your God is
have faced the possibility of jail time as well….not much sense when someone threatens my children unfortunately….i just figured if i ended up there….there was a reason for that as well…..my boyfriend said i’d probably convert the entire cell block in the first month….lmao…luckily i didn’t have to find out….and i have a feeling…..neither will you….but nothing is worth your life….it is your life……and just so no one starts ragging on me……i am not a Christian…lmao
Namaste
If you give yrself cancer maybe you can volunteer your body to the medical sciences
Start chain smoking?