rivets

Social distancing. Shhhh. Stay quarantined in your apartment. Watch stupid nonsense on youtube forever. Play video games. Chase cats. Walk to the grocery store, and walk home carrying groceries. Talk to no-one.

But I am a robot. How can I answer that question honestly and still post things? I’m a lying robot. Bad robot. No oil-cookies for me.

Hello nature, goodbye noise of airplanes and traffic. May you be banished forevermore. Bring on the leeks.

Is it amoral to smack someone upside the head with a baseball bat if it’s for a good reason? Asking for a friend.

Just a little bit. Legal issues. Car got impounded. Ride to work is consistently late to work. Stress headaches every day. Life is peachy, cops are great, I’m going to have to write a Christmas note to the cop who pulled me over. “Thank you for your service! You’re doing a wonderful job preventing working folks from being able to survive in this economy. I hope you get a bonus this year and won’t get run over by a bus while writing a ticket!”

You know, I sometimes wonder why we call it mental illness. Why not call it what it really is – affliction of […]

The ghost of George Carlin speaks.

Not ever. Except when drunk.

That civilizing force. Everything’s boring now. It’s all scripted. You have you entire life laid out for you, like noble children of old, only now it’s everybody. I don’t think this is the kind of egalitarianism past generations dreamed of.

Now everything is cheap. Cheap, yet expensive. It’s cheap to make, expensive to pursue. But pursue it, we must. Why? I don’t know, because all the other lemmings are doing it. And if you or I don’t do it, too, the lemming police with baton you in your lemming head. The boundaries are strictly defined – in this world of blurry, hazy transitions, it’s mind boggling […]

The  world is absurd. Politics are absurd. The news is absurd. Even an absurdist would feel depressed looking at this sheer lack of exploitable material that exists in the present. Everything is doing the work for them already, and there is nothing left to make fun of. It’s all making fun of itself.

Hourly jobs are absurd, and yet countless humans the world over continue to clock in precisely on time every day.

Healthcare is absurd, and yet countless people stress over how they’ll pay for their procedures (in the States, at least) every day.

The economy is absurd, and yet countless people worry that the housing market […]

Would my landlord be mad if I did the equivalent of this, just inside my apartment? Hmm…

Quit gobbling at me all the time, humans.

I wish I lived in a world where humans were not the dominant species on the planet, and had to hide in little enclaves, consumed by the daily tasks of survival, rather than scheming and pantomiming their garbage mass-produced culture. I don’t give two bits of excrement what sports are on TV right now. Give me my beer and stow it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSmWyT0Sa04

I’m not so sure. The language makes it seem like I do – we have words for that, you know. I, me, my. Have you ever felt like you’ve melted into the landscape and lost all perspective of the things those words refer to? I miss that feeling. Whenever I have to deal with bills, being presentable, cleaning, fixing something that’s broken, talking to someone to clear up a misunderstanding, it detracts from that sense of flowing with my surroundings. It’s like a skipping CD (for those of us old enough to remember that). Why would anyone want to fill the world with something so […]

When you reach your last day on earth and you look back at your life, does it seem strange that this is all there was? Working every day, feeling exhausted all weekend, going back to work every day, paying bills, doing all that god-forsaken math to balance your budget, with brief moments of spontaneous enjoyment like little rays of sunshine piercing through an otherwise stifling room? Well, at least you got to stack some boxes every day at work for 25, 30 years, and at least you got a change of scenery every time you changed jobs or got laid off. At least you got […]

Rivets smash. Most things break if you smash them hard enough. I smashed 280lbs of glass today. I will do it again tonight. That’s the best part of the day – the smashing hour. Tempered glass goes “BOOSH” when it smashes. It’s the greatest sound in the world. If I could find a job where all I had to do all day was smash glass, I’d take it in a heartbeat, even if it paid minimum wage.

So I’m a little drunk. Bite me. I’ll probably regret typing the things in my brain when the buzz wears off. Go figure, that’s life I guess.

Have you ever thought about the expectations people have for you? At work – they expect you’ll want to be a good employee, to fit the mold for a leadership position, because who doesn’t want that? That you’ll want to advance your career, such as it is, and take on more responsibility. Or at home – that you’ll want to start a family, have kids, a wife (or husband), a house and maybe 1.5 dogs. I don’t know what […]

Just for relaxation’s sake.

I’m not here to impress you. I don’t need your validation. I don’t require your consent for my continued existence. I don’t exist as a foil for your otherwise perfect day. I am not here to perform services for your benefit. I am not here for you to look at and think, “My how pretty.” I am not interested in your thoughts about how unkempt my beard is. I am not concerned by your shock at my disregard of your social norms. I am not interested in your social norms.

Does that make me a bad person, a crazy person, an antisocial person, or does it […]