A year ago, when I bought my burial plot and put a deposit on my tombstone, I was certain that I was doing the right thing. I only asked God to grant me one thing, and vowed that afterwards I would be willing to carry out my end of the bargain. I was granted the time I wished. Now, that time is over and I realize I no longer have that excuse. But although I already feel lifeless, I’ve discovered that I am too much of a coward to follow through. And, I also realize that God knew all along that I wouldn’t have the […]
I haven’t been here or posted for 11 months. Since then, I’ve been taking different anti-depressants, and seeing a therapist. Sometimes they just don’t help, but I knew I had to stay to take care of my oldest cat. I know how ridiculous it sounds, and I know there are are people with far worse things to deal with this Christmas night. My plan was always based on my old guy’s death being the initiating event, but in addition, this summer I suddenly lost a younger car to cancer, and then, after adopting a kitten that melted my heart, I had to euthanize her 12 […]
After reading some of the replies to my post “What if its God’s plan?”, I’m no longer quite sure if it is His plan. However, my plan included buying a burial plot and headstone without my wife’s knowledge. I paid cash for the plot in the cemetery where my father is buried, and put a deposit on a tombstone that matches his. Whether or not I complete my plan, it is still important for me to see my headstone placed in the cemetery My plan involved getting a credit card (again w/o my wife’s knowledge) to pay for the stone. I do have a pre-approved […]
I hope I don’t sound like a “holy roller” and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but a year ago, I suffered a loss that I felt was punishment for my vanity. Afterwards, I told God in my prayers, that if he would grant me two things, I would die to atone for the things I’ve done (and haven’t done). First, that he would help my son pass the rigorous physical and medical tests to be awarded an ROTC scholarship, and second, that he give me more time with my elderly pet. My son started ROTC last fall, and a year later, my pet is […]
If you’re still out there, check your post from 12-12-14 for a comment from wth_ami that he added on 12-31-14. You and I seem to be “in the same place” and his comment applies to us both. I hope you are still with us, and just haven’t been posting. Its strange that I don’t care what happens to me, but after all you have apparently done for your family and country, I think your death would be a tragic waste. If anyone else has had contact with rea3366 can you post some info?
I’m not sure why I’m feeling the way I am. When I made my decision and came up with the plan, I felt relieved. When I took the first step and bought a burial plot in the small cemetery where my father is buried, I felt I had accomplished something concrete. I already have rough drafts of my letters written, and decisions made on where and how. I’m just waiting for one more (unwanted) event to occur, after which no one will need me anymore. Yesterday I went out and ordered my headstone, which looks just like my dad’s, except that I wanted to put […]
This is a request for advice from those who have had a family member commit suicide. I am attempting to finalize my funeral arrangements so that I can prepay for the services. I have already purchased a burial lot in the small town where my father is buried, about 2 hours from my home town. That town is about 4 1/2 hrs away from where all my in-laws live. I have some distant family members who reside near where I will be buried. I have little contact with my family members in my hometown, and no friends who will miss me. I will soon have […]