Wishing. Hoping. Dreaming. Longing. Living. Breathing. Smiling. Laughing. Hurting. Wanting. Crying. Walking. Waking. Anything and everything. I’m so tired. Emotionally, psychically, mentally, any way possible. I don’t know what to do or who to go to, I don’t know what the meaning of living is anymore. I don’t know what the point it. So many people have it worse than me, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t fix anything. Everything hurts. I’m torn down, broken, sad, no. More than sad. There’s no words for it. I have absolutely no motivation. I’m so emotionally numb to everyone and everything. I don’t know what […]
and here we are again. Back to old self-defeating habits. Hope?
What is hope? Is it believing that there could POSSIBLY be something better? Is it waking up and looking forward to the following day?
Happiness?… We use this word as if it’s nothing. As if in a split second everything could go from complete shit, to being honky dory and you could be happy for the rest of your life. When someone asks me why I can’t “Put on a smile! Get out of the house!” I honestly don’t even know what to say. Yes, I know how to smile. But I don’t know how to mean it. All […]
Lately if I fall asleep at all, I’ve had these dreams… In them, I can’t distinguish dreams from reality. It’s getting so scary so I just haven’t been sleeping at all. These dreams… they’re so horrible. I feel as if I’m awake all the way through and it feels like this stuff is really happening. Â and, my sleeping pills haven’t been working. FUCKING CHRIST WHY.
Whilst doing my daily moping on the internet, i found the registration for an intensive performing arts camp at my local college. The whole day I had been overly depressed as always, but as soon as I saw this it brightened. I immediately started to get the things for my audition ready, and  practicing. I think that if I keep my mind set on my career and other things it might keep the depression from controlling my life. I know, I know. “How can you go from being so suicidal one night, to now being so full of hope”. I did a lot of thinking about things, […]
I’m Hannah. It’s my first time on this website, or any suicide forum for that matter. I found this website researching certain things about suicide. I’ve made several suicide attempts for over a year now, and I’m dead set on succeeding  it this month. I don’t see a reason for living anymore. I’m useless. I’m so depressed that I don’t have the motivation to get out of bed, or eat, or speak, or even open my fucking eyes in the morning. It just all so pointless. The hurting, and suffering, and hoping. I grew up with an alcohol dependent, abusive, work obsessed father, a narcissistic, jealous, […]