i attempted offing myself about a 2 weeks ago….ive just been to damn ashamed to say anything….what is this….attempt 12…..13maybe?? i think ive gotten to the point where im just used to the failure. The pills only made me spaz thru the night. i kinda get a kick out of how cruel God is. it surprises me tht i can still have a relationship with God, no matter how one sided it is…..i begg and pray, and he just looks on. i swear my pain and eternal torment is his entertainment! Atleast Death holds me in the night. tho its not time for me to […]
WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE?!!!
i took a total of 18 painkillers, 7 ALIVE, 5 midol, and like 10 other types of pills and im still here! i didnt even have to go to the damn hospital!!
everytime i fail it just makes me hate myself even more. it makes me cut deeper and longer, and not even tht works!
why does my dear lover Death elude me?! why does he not want me to join him in a world we can spend forever in? i would be doing the world a huge frippin favor if i left!….whats keeping me here….and why?
….i wonder what if i OD on my happy pills/ anti-depressants if  i’ll die happy:) lets find out shall we! maybe i finally wont have to fake it HORRAY!! its about time im happy with something in my life….<—-or would i be happy with something in my death??….o well:)
you know when you say you hate someone, and then everything they do seems to annoy the fuck out of you?….well thats where i am in my life right now. im at the point that i hate everything i say and do.
 i hate the way i speak, my voice seems too boyish to be a girl. was i meant to be a man?
 i hate the way i walk. was i born with a fucking stick up my ass?
 i hate the way my breasts make my shirts tight. i just wish i was flat chested like everyone else in my family!
 i hate the way i look. […]
 i have a story tht needs and deserves to be told….
a kid knew pretty well died of heart failure. me and a few others were pretty upset.and then i looked over and saw someone saving his seat. “oh dont sit here. chris is dead now.” i wanted to knock tht kid out! he’d bullied chris everyday! from “FAT ASS!” “LARD ASS!” “WHERES UR BRA CHRIS?!” tht kid was such an ass! so i stood up and punched him in the fucking face. fuck my suspension. atleast i broke the fuck faces mouth:)
i dont know where tht came from, but it seemed relevant….when i die tho, i […]
i’ve been picked on my entire life, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being told I’m ugly, fat, and untalented. I KNOW! i don’t need you to tell me that I’m undesirable! you dont need to tell me to go kill myself….i already want to.
i just wis someone could see and accept me for who i really am. i’m a 16 year old cutting, impulsive, wild, “fat”, “ugly”, black, bi, metal loving chick. i wish people can just take it as it is and leave it. i’m sick of changing who i am just because people dont like certain parts of me.
i keep telling […]
i’ve cut myself since i was 11(i’ll b 17 in 6 days). its of course gotten “worse” since then. but i just wanna know if anyone else cuts themselves. im tired of being called sick because i find solace in a blade. does anyone else feel the same? i need someone whos going thru what i am. i hope we can continue to tlk, cuz i need someone i can identify with
i always feel so used. No one accepts me for me. i’m assaulted everyday by both dudes and chicks grabbing my tits, it makes me sick! you’re supposed to be my friend. the one who doesn’t care about the size of my chest or my ass. I’m supposed to feel safe around you. i hate my body. if i could, i would get these DDD’s chopped off my chest. if i was ballsy enough, i would do it my self.
i spent the night with you as a friend, but left, feeling like a piece of meat. you touched me, in a way friends weren’t meant to. you […]
im just a few weeks from my 17th birthday….and im honsetly not sure if i’ll make it to see it. i’ve cut myself since i was 11, and i feel that i’ve NEVER been understood. when i wake up in the morning, i feel like God is punishing me even more, and he does’t even hear my prayers. im sick of life, and im sick of playing happy. i want to die! i want to be successful in my attempts! i’ve failed at overdosing, hanging and drowning….but i refuse to taint cutting, by slitting my wrists….cutting has been my only faithful compainion. im plotting killing […]