Author

-M-

Im Ready to Die…

by -M- 4/21/2017

written by -M-

This may be triggering for some, so dont continue if you think it will. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore…

Over the past three years, I have lost several important people in my life. Most of them walked out of my life purposefully without a goodbye; one died due to a disease we both are affected by. However, all of them have left me to wander through life stranded and alone. All of them took pieces of me away slowly and now nothing is left worth preserving.

So that is why I am here tonight: to tell everyone why I an ready and willing to […]

4/21/2017 6 comments

To My Family

by -M- 1/15/2017

written by -M-

Dear Family,
There have been many times I have tried to write this letter, many times where I would pour my feelings onto the page without even stopping to worry about anyone else. All I do is worry about each and every fucking one of you, isn’t it? I put all of your needs before my own, even though I have far more needs and far more important needs than any-single-one of you will ever have. But look where carry about others has gotten me in life: a fat, insignificant, ignorant, stupid, non-respectful, two-faced burden you all secretly wished no longer existed. Do not even […]

1/15/2017 2 comments

Make It All End.

by -M- 11/17/2016

written by -M-

Can someone please just make everything end for me? I can’t stand causing so many issues for my family and watching them all suffer because of me. My family fights over shit I could have prevented if I had done something different earlier in the day. My parents are miserable because they have to constantly take care of me due to my severe health issues. My siblings always miss out on needed parts of life because there is no way to transport me anywhere.

I hate my life. It is just that plain and simple. If someone were to give me a gun and say I […]

11/17/2016 2 comments

Comatose

by -M- 3/20/2016

written by -M-

You would think it doesn’t hurt anymore. When people come in my life, gain my trust and friendship, then rip away a piece of me as they walk away like I never meant anything to them. But the truth is, it hurts so much more each time it happens. It hurts so bad that I feel numb until another part of me disappears. It hurts so bad because of the feeling that I only ever made friends from pity and I cared about them more than myself. It hurts so bad that it puts me almost to tears, but then a dark part of me […]

3/20/2016 0 comment

Happiness Is In The Mind

by -M- 3/5/2016

written by -M-

Want to make me happy? Put a gun to my head and pull the fucking trigger.

3/5/2016 8 comments

No Friends, No Hope

by -M- 3/1/2016

written by -M-

I used to have many friends, all who would talk to me and lift me up through the deep/hard parts of life. But they keep walking away from me, as if I am not worth their time anymore. I do not blame them because I would walk away from me too if I could. I just wish I had more people in my life who actually cared about me and not themselves or their own person interests. For once, I want someone who will ask me how I am doing and keep talking to me even when I am down.

But the world is a cruel […]

3/1/2016 3 comments

No Reason to Fight

by -M- 2/29/2016

written by -M-

I don’t know why I keep fighting through this shithole called life. Every force, being, and power is pushing against me, hoping to drive my head further into the darkness. The worst part is I am losing. I have to reason to push through to the invisible light at the end of hell; I have lost the traction that helped move my feet forward. I cannot do this anymore. It really is easier to let go of everything, even including yourself.

2/29/2016 2 comments

Fuck Life, I’m Done.

by -M- 1/8/2016

written by -M-

I am so sick of the lies in my life and the false hope that people keep feeding my already dead heart. Nothing is worth going down the endless road of life anymore. None of my friends talk to me anymore, they are just too busy to care about how I am doing anymore. I have so many issues with my health and head that no one should ever be able to love me or ever want to risk loving me. There are 7 billion other people in the world who are better off without me and the world doesn’t need my useless self taking up any space […]

1/8/2016 1 comment

Hey….

by -M- 10/17/2015

written by -M-

Hey guys. I haven’t been on in a while. My life really hasn’t gotten that much better. I did start on an antidepressant, but I feel more suicidal now. I started self harming again. I burn myself a lot. Life just sticks and I hate it.

10/17/2015 6 comments

I Need Friends

by -M- 8/1/2015

written by -M-

I don’t have a lot of friends and it stinks because here lately I have needed someone to tell me to stay but no one is there. Maybe any of you could just help me by being my friend. Message me on Kik if you can. My name is Chipmunk0529

8/1/2015 2 comments

The Night Holds My Demons

by -M- 7/20/2015

written by -M-

Night is basically my very own poison of the mind time. It is where all my demons like to hide and plan all the ways they are going to attack me. It is the time when my mind likes to remind me that I am worthless, pointless, useless, hopeless, and unwanted. It is also the time I make all my suicide plans.

7/20/2015 3 comments

But I Can’t

by -M- 7/19/2015

written by -M-

“I am hungry but I can’t eat.

I am tired but I can’t sleep.

I am depressed but I can’t cry.

I am suicidal but I can’t die.”

7/19/2015 9 comments

Do I Really Matter?

by -M- 7/18/2015

written by -M-

I have a lot of time on my hands almost everyday and it gives my mind a lot of room to think. What I ask myself most often is if I honestly matter? Do I even have a pirpose in life? And if so, why does it seem like my purpoae is to only cause people pain. I don’t matter to anyone, they all just act like they care so they can get something out of it. I am sick of this. What do I do besides leave everything behind?

7/18/2015 2 comments

I Want To Die

by -M- 7/17/2015

written by -M-

I can’t take anymore of this life. I can’t take the back and forth feeling of being happy to being depressed/suicidal. I don’t want to keep getting like I don’t belong anywhere and that I am a worthless waste of space. Please someone just kill me already because I am unable to do it myself.

7/17/2015 2 comments

Depression Is Taking Over

by -M- 7/16/2015

written by -M-

So living with constant depression and daily suicidal thoughs has changed me and my mind into things I wish never existed. I think most people going through the same things would agree with me when I this.

1.) Everytime someone asks me if I am doing okay, I have to put a fake smile on my face and say I am fine because I don’t want people to see how much depression truly controls me.

2.) I can’t take my necessary daily medicines without thinking of overdosing.

3.) I can’t cross the road without the thought of wanting a car to hit me crossing my mind.

4.) I can’t […]

7/16/2015 4 comments

These Voices Won’t Stop

by -M- 7/15/2015

written by -M-

Over the entire 16 years that I have been alive, many people have told me different things. Now you woukd think that all the good things woukd stick with me and make me feel better, but that is not the way that this stupid ball of dirt we live on works. All the negative, mean, and hurtful things have stuck with me and I keep hearing these voices in my head repeating them. I can hear “Are you really that self-centered?” “When you lived with your mom, you were so horrible I alnost didn’t want to come back.” and “I have known you for over […]

7/15/2015 4 comments

I Hate This Feeling

by -M- 7/13/2015

written by -M-

I have always told myself that contradictions can be a good thing and a bad thing all in itself. Good ones teach us how to make good choices in life but the bad ones show us how bad this can really be. But life gets really hard when you are a living, breathing, and bleeding contradiction.
I am a contradiction because I love the warm feeling that life can give me, but i want nothing more than to feel the cold grip of death on my shoulder. I am a contradiction because so many people have told me that I am a gift and bring […]

7/13/2015 1 comment

A Thought Leads to More

by -M- 7/13/2015

written by -M-

Hi. This is my first post being on here and I am sort of scared to share my story with everyone. But I will try my best to tell it in the least amount of words possible.

Well, I am 16 and I have bad thoughts almost everyday. I have hated myself for the past few years and I would say it really start when I was turning 13. I started to have feelings for my best friend, who is a girl, and I thought that I was some disgusting freak of nature. My mom was okay with it when I came out to her but […]

7/13/2015 5 comments