I don’t know if it’s a moment of weakness or what but today I reached out and told a trusted person that I am depressed and suicidal. I asked for help and for a referral to a therapist. Part of me wants help, part of me still wants to die. Telling this person wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be though I do worry about how me might perceive me from now on. I guess I can’t control that, right?
I don’t know what will happen from here. Though I have the name of a therapist I’m not sure I will make the […]
Mama Hen
(Don’t worry, this post isn’t about trying to convert anyone. I’m just outloud thinking).
I’m a deeply religious person and very solid/comfortable in my beliefs. I’m a liberal Christian (is that an oxymoron?) and have years of theological education. I believe in a God who is caring, merciful, gracious, and forgiving. When my life transition is complete, I believe I will be with God. I’m staking everything on this! I want so badly to be with God, to be with my deceased family and friends. I want that more than anything that could ever be or happen on earth. I heard a scripture in […]
I’m trying to cut ties with people, be it personal or professional. I realized that I go days without talking or seeing “friends” and that used to bother me, now it makes it easier to write ppl off. Had a drink with a friend last night, one of the few true friends I have, and he remarked that I was melancholy. I thought I was just mellow (big difference) but apparently not.
Cutting ties with people is not as difficult as I thought it would be. I guess I kinda don’t care anymore what others think so it’s easy to not call, […]
I just discovered this site about a week or so ago and did my first post a few days ago. I am so relieved to find an outlet where I can express myself or read that others are going through similar experiences. We aren’t all miserable or unhappy or even suicidal, but all of us are facing some giants. I find some hope, for myself, in reading about your strengths and experiences. Thank you all-for being willing to bare your soul.
Last night I started making a list of what I needed and wanted to do before my transition (i don’t like calling it suicide or death or whatever, I prefer to think of it as a transfer from life to eternal life). Yes, I am a Christian and I believe that after this life I will live in eternity with God. I don’t care what others believe or don’t believe about that–but for me it’s one piece of hope. Anyhoo–I started making this list and I found such calmness in the process. I guess it’s maybe one of the last pieces of control […]