I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so uncertain of everything. My mind is playing tricks on me. I have no idea what’s going on in my mind. Depression has taken over every part of my life. It’s taken over my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I feel like I’ve fallen off the right track. I feel like I have no control over my own life. I just don’t understand. Why did this happen? Does it even matter? If I get better am I just going to fall back down and feel as miserable as I do now?
I wish I wasn’t born. I wish […]
I am suicidal. Because I’m extremely depressed. I’ve been depressed for most of my life. I’ve been on anti-depressants for four years. I’ve gone to therapy many many times. I’ve given up on life, and I want to die. But that’s not going to happen. I realized that I’m not going to die unless of old age or if I get really sick. I just left college, a really good college because of my depression. and YES I was smoking weed 24/7 and I was dependent on weed, but I am not addicted. I was just self-medicating. So once I left college in January I […]
I’m scared of life. I think about the countless number of days ahead of me and I feel trapped. Trapped living. Trapped in my mind. I feel insane. I’m dying to get out. Dying to be free. I wish it it was all over. I wish I had the choice to end it all. Why don’t I have the choice? It’s my life. I’m the one who has to live it. I don’t want to live just because everyone else thinks that I’m sick. YEAH I am sick. But I’ve been sick and it’s not getting better. Why the fuck can’t I just die. This […]
Actually I don’t want to know why. I don’t want to know why I feel the way I do. I don’t want to understand my depression. I just want it all to be gone. Suicide, for me, is unrealistic. Only because I don’t have the guts and I’m just too afraid of the pain. I constantly tell this to myself because I know it’s true that I won’t kill myself. But I want to, I just can’t. I’m trying to stay in the present, and I’m trying to think about now and not about the future and not about the past. But the past and […]
For the past three months I’ve been a recluse. I was in college, excited about life, happy, and i was in control of my depression. Now I’m too depressed to continue school, scared of the future, want no future, and I just don’t have the will to live. I don’t want to continue life. I’ve been suffering and I’ve tried to manage my depression with medication, therapy, and alternative treatments. I’m honestly willing to electrocute myself to cure my suffering. I spend my days at home playing with my dogs and watching tv. My therapist and psychiatrist are pushing me to get back into the […]
Sometimes I wake up, lay in bed and just think I want to die then spend the next couple of hours thinking about how to do so. Sometimes I wake up and feel a little hope. And sometimes I wake up and I can’t help but think of last nights nightmare. My dreams are so uncomfortable and horribly vivid. They’re so vivid that I think about my dreams through out the whole day because they’re so uncomfortably real that I feel like it happened… Anyways throughout the whole day I’m just an emotional roller coaster I’m fine, I’m sad, I’m crazy, I’m hopeful (this is […]
I’ve spent the past two days reading and reading about suicide stories and people who are struggling with depression and other psychological diseases. I feel like it’s all my fault. I am the one who has developed severe depression. I am the one who is making my siblings and family suffer with me through my depression. Even though everyone tells me it’s not your fault for feeling the way that I feel, but I still feel so horrible, negative, and guilty. Some people have been raped, abused by loved ones, been through tragic accidents, and some don’t even have a home. Yes, I’ve been through […]
I’m Meta and I’m in constant emotional and mental pain. But this pain is caused by myself, my mind is just not right. I’ve been depressed ever since I could understand what the word meant. I was born in Indonesia but moved to the states when I was four to go to school here. My whole life I had to deal with culture differences.  I’ve tried to commit suicide in 8th grade, but in reality I knew it wasn’t going to work, it was a cry for help. I’ve been on anti-depressants for many years, but they haven’t seem to be working. Earlier in the year […]