But the username misssk88 was one of my best friends. I never got to tell her but I really did care about her… Fuck it, I loved her. I never got to tell her, might as well write it here. Anyway, she left most of her stuff to me in her actual suicide letter, which I may post here, but I still just feel really fucking weird about everything. I saw she frequented this site and for a second I got a sick feeling like maybe people on this site told her to do what she ended up doing… like some sort of weird site […]
And that’s being a fucking failure. I failed this semester. Couldn’t graduate. My parents won’t talk to me… even though I left them messages saying I felt awful and suicidal. I don’t have any friends, they’re really all I have. If they don’t give a fuck about me, who do I have? I bought a ton of dope last night, with intention to overdose and die. I was so fucking close. I woke up on my floor all disorientated, my limbs all numb because of the way I was laying on them for so long when I passed out… I FAILED AGAIN!!! I can’t even […]
Lately I’ve been slowly hating myself and wishing harm on myself less and more so moving those feelings and urges towards others. I have PTSD, which causes anxiety at times and just the other day a couple people pointed out my anxiety and how it makes me seem like a timid, pathetic little thing. Let me tell you something. If you grew up with an alcoholic father who abused you physically and mentally while your other family members turned a blind eye (no matter how many times you stuck up for them when they were being abused)… if you were raped when you were only […]
I keep trying to trudge on through. I keep trying to tell myself “it’ll get better” but there’s just this overwhelming bellowing scream in my soul that exclaims “fuck it!” “bail! bail! bail!” “don’t kid yourself, get it over with NOW!!!” I feel torn and conflicted because on the other side there’s this tiny voice that tells me to “please hold on, it will get better” I’m exhausted on this inner argument inside my mind. I just want my mind to SHUT THE FUCK UP! and what better way to do that than suicide? I’ve been hoarding my meds. So far I have enough adderall […]
I’ve had two serious suicide attempts:
The first time I tried to kill myself (around age 14) was after my best friend had done the same a week prior and I couldn’t stand living without him. I chose to hang myself, but the beam I used to tie the rope on ended up snapping. I fell, hit my head and was knocked unconscious. My mother heard me fall and found me up in the attic and then called the EMS. I had a huge lump on my head, which ended up being a mild concussion and my throat was all sore and messed up afterwards. I […]