I used to come to this website a year ago, Im 19 years old and i have my struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. A year ago i was severely depressed and tried to kill myself numerous times. I found this website and would come and vent and seek out help, some of the kind words people would say to me, even the smallest things would make me feel better. i felt like i wasnt alone. Im sorry for all the people who feel sad, not good enough, and depressed. i know how you feel, your not alone. Today im doing so much better, im […]
I hope when Im dead, my mom, brothers, friends, family, read all these post. They don’t know I’m suicidal, not the slightest clue. When they find me dead I hope they read these post, maybe then they’ll start to care about me… I hate crying, I can’t wait to huff this can of hairspray, feel my body go numb. Maybe it’ll stop my heart or something, or at least it’s supposed to. But no, I’ll wake up tommorow with a massive headache and put my days on repeat, how much longer?
I’m worn out. I feel like the depression I’m in is different from what it’s ever been. It was easy to be depressed and sleep and smoke my problems away. I didn’t know how hard it would be to face my problems head on. I can’t throw myself into a mad depression like I used to. I go to school, work every single day I pretend I’m fine. I’m so worn out I catch myself repeating I hope I die over and over in my head. Sometimes I huff and I hope that maybe all these inhalants will stop by heart. I want my mom […]
Im so hurt at the moment… I lost my virginity to a 24 year old guy I’ve only known a month. Im 18, I made a promise to myself I would wait til marriage to have sex. It was important to me, it meant something. I’ve been this good girl my whole life, I rarely date. I would never do something like that, but I did…. I would barely let a boyfriend kiss me. I guess for the past year I’ve been in a spiral downfall and depression. My mom all my brothers moved, and I was left in this town. I’m still in high […]
these past couple nights ive had dreams of my little brothers.. dreams about me and them running away from all the bad. they’re why i live. what happens when i have nothing to live for anymore? im so scared to be hurt again, so scared that i always have a negative way of looking at things. i try and find god in my life, i try to be a good person. but a good life seems so far away. why do bad things happen to good people? why am i suicidal? why does my mind race? why am i never good enough? im trying. i wish […]
Today, tommorow, ill spend my christmas without my family. Ill spend christmas with this insecure girl. She can’t keep it together, she doesn’t know what she wants. Her thoughts control her mind constantly, she can’t close her eyes and pretend shes someone else, because closing your eyes on the the world is only for cowards. so this girl will face everyday, hurting, and trying. i promise im trying to get through this. someone save me from this life. I don’t know where this life is taking me. Im terrified of everyday that come. My past is my past, but im 18 years old and my […]
Yesterday i got my first college acceptance letter, it was a great feeling. i felt happy for moment. i thought about college, how i would have to move. Move even further away from my brothers. I have a 5 younger brothers, a not so stable mother, and a dad who isn’t present so much. When i was about 12 my life when out of control, my mother lost her self, in her depression, drugs. I had to be a mother to my brothers, i loved them more than i can ever say, i raised them and as i sit here i think how i never did a good enough job. i never […]
Im 18 years old and i question my life everyday. My depression gets ahold of me, and it doesn’t let go. It gets into my mind and i go crazy with these thoughts. My depression gets so bad sometimes there isn’t a moment i don’t think about killing myself. Don’t tell me i have my whole life ahead of me, i know i do. I don’t know how much more of this life i can take. Sometimes i wonder if all these people that surround me know im on the verge of tears most days. I feel like i don’t have anyone to talk to.. […]