Im so hurt at the moment… I lost my virginity to a 24 year old guy I’ve only known a month. Im 18, I made a promise to myself I would wait til marriage to have sex. It was important to me, it meant something. I’ve been this good girl my whole life, I rarely date. I would never do something like that, but I did…. I would barely let a boyfriend kiss me. I guess for the past year I’ve been in a spiral downfall and depression. My mom all my brothers moved, and I was left in this town. I’m still in high school, I’ve had to support myself and do this by myself. I wanted to feel loved… I wanted somebody to love me, 🙁 I don’t know why I did it, I thought it would make him love me. I knew what would happen, and it did. The minute after it happened I sat there and fought back tears, I was sick of feeling like a child with these childish fantasys about a prince charming. While my friends had been having sex since a young age, I stayed waiting for the love of my life. I threw it away in a matter of moments. I’m so stupid 🙁 ive lost my faith, I feel so far from god… I feel like I have nothing, I’m just like every other girl. I ask from help from god to help me out of this depression, and it just got worse. I wish I was somebody else, I wish god would take all of this from me, take these suicidal thoughts, this pain.. This struggle, this battle I feel like I’ve lost.
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I’ll write more later but you’re being illogically and unrealistically hard on yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. My first wasn’t the best…but I didn’t make it into a Disney movie. Come back down to Earth and relax…everything may not feel right at the moment, but breathe, take time to calm yourself. It’s okay. I was 21 when I seriously went all the way. Real love comes from within, not some guy telling you you’re beautiful…or validating you…You validate you. For now, go for a walk and don’t think about how wrong it all was..it happened….how you respond to things is key, so just for now, relax. It’s all good, and God still loves you, it’s only possible for Him to love you…He’s waiting for you to start loving yourself. And this event is making you think about that…it’s all good. Take care.
If i can help, please just feel free to ask.
If you made what you believe to be a mistake, then forgive yourself and learn from it, don’t waste the lesson.
Personally i don’t think you did anything terrible, but yes agree, rather then wait for prince charming to come along, just look to meet decent (ie not perfect) people. Perfection does not exist and often leads to disappoinment for people.
Rather, try for a more balanced life. Forgive yourself. Make friends, Study, work, and have some fun too. There lays life.
Take Care
Secrets,
It’s okay to forgive yourself. That said, you can’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone (whether they want to admit it) has made some kind of sexual mistake in their life. The important part is that you learn and grow from it. Try not to let yourself go into a spiral or habit. My perspective is a little different as a man, but I can tell you that it is difficult to *make* someone love you, even though you may want so badly for that to happen. While adastra makes an excellent point that perfect people are impossible to find, I believe that there is no shame in waiting for your “prince charming”, as you call it. Soemwhere out there is a man who will treat you well and care for you as a person and a woman. Being selective can be difficult, but you have to trust that he/she does exist. It is not a childish fantasy in my opinion, but rather a mature one.
You haven’t lost “the battle.” There are many, many battles in life – and you can absolutely win the ones which you will face in your future. Do not allow your friends or peers dictate what you should do witth yourself and your body. Do whatever you believe is right, no matter what that is.
You did not throw it all away. This does not make you a bad person. In fact, your reflection and deep thought makes you unique and a good person – at least in my view.
I hope that helps a little bit.
Make ’em wait till the sixth date. That’s the answer, plain and simple.