Nathaniel_Morisawa

The fact that I’m going to commit suicide is a course that cannot be altered at this point. Although I was hoping to use an exit bag, various restrictions and alterations (regarding helium specifically) have made this method incredibly difficult to utilize and will increase my chances of being found out and possibly arrested should I pursue it any further. Thankfully, I have no shortage of other painless and quick methods at my disposal.

Anyways, I digress. This post is mainly concerned with what to do after the deed is done. A while ago I wrote a sort of “suicide check list,” that asked for advice […]

Hello all,

So I’ve decided that after paying back my loans and buying life-insurance that I’m going to commit suicide using the exit bag method. I can’t be talked out of this.

However, I find myself wondering about what would be ideal for an EMT/Paramedic to haul back to the emergency room–it’s a small gesture, but it’s the least I can do for anyone hauling my body around. What sorts of things will they do to my body upon arrival? What about when they take it back to the emergency room? Would a less clothed body be ideal? Am I free to dress myself up however I […]

It’s gotten to the point where I think about suicide irregardless of my mood. One day in particular stands out; I was at the waterfront here in my city, enjoying an ice cream and watching the sunset. It was a beautiful day and I felt great. But even in that moment, I thought “you will have to commit suicide once you pay off your student loans” and I just nodded to myself and then went on my way to see a good movie.

This is good though. The more I become desensitized to the idea of committing suicide, the more likely I’ll actually go through with […]

Good things are inevitably sullied. By my own hands, no less. The gains I make, the good things I allow to materialize, they are always torn down by these clumsy, shaking hands that have no idea of how to properly handle the copious amounts of beautiful people and things that’re thrown my direction.

This isn’t merely bad luck. This phenomenon inevitably occurs because of an inherent flaw in my design. As other people are at least, decently equipped to mingle with others (even if they don’t know this yet or think so) and receive the good things that come their way, I am not. A short […]

What makes for a good suicide note?

I could call the police before hand so they could send a paramedic to collect my body before my roommate gets off work at midnight. I would die instantly. Then it’d be over.

if I ended it now there would be no more sight, no more sound, taste, hearing, smell, nothing. Especially not this. There would be nothingness. I want nothingness.

Ohhhh. I really want to end it. I know what life will consist of. It will be more of this. More of this. And I don’t want any more.

It always comes back somehow. Every time I try to break away, something comes up that won’t allow me to move on from “this.” Inevitably, in reminded that I’m not like them and that I don’t belong in this world.

I think… That the only way to fix it all is to end my life. Even though I’ll die, there’s bound to be someone out there who’s of my same archetype. They will continue where I couldn’t.

This loneliness does not make life worth living.

Testing.