bc other people lack self awareness.
and advocate for it or make it more accessible. as well as the other life improving stuff, too. that’s going to be my mission. i screwed up my life out of fear and committed social suicide. this isn’t heroic. that’s what people think but it’s not that at all. i’m killing myself because i can’t stand the mistakes i made. and how they affect me. not how they affect others. people keep interpreting it that way. they only think my life is deserving if i’m of use to others. i probably projected that onto myself. oh well.
i’ve given up on talking to chatrooms. or the […]
overthinking every little thing. feeling bad others aren’t doing well. disdain for how i spend my time. nobody i can relate to.
Cognitive Empathy vs. Emotional Empathy (verywellmind.com)
guess i can learn all this psych/social psych stuff i’m on my own, but i always need an audience..
in my case, the people at home are not suitable to have conversations with, period.
all of it are social ills. i once thought that people committing suicide over words or bullying/harrassment had to be some form of narcissist. but narcissist doesn’t mean bad. in a way, it almost does. i guess bad just means killing people over it, i don’t know, like a school shooter. there was a recent shooting in iowa. but i hear about people who have done things like this and still, some people don’t condemn them. what i hate the most about society is our lack of forethought. i consider myself to be a considerate individual. i think people need to pay more attention to […]
Saw two posts here about midlife crises, and another about people talking about their life circumstances.
Saw a book by this title that talked a lot about this stuff. The misconception around midlife crises being a thing, and another about life circumstances making you happy.
I also remember heartlessviking talking about how hearing about suicide might have made him more likely to commit it. the book addressed this and said while there was no study on the effect of this, there was no support of that claim either. actually, i also recommend that book to him, as he was interested in psychology. admirable book.
this is my baseline state. no one needs to interfere to regulate it. i’m disappointed. i’ve lost at my own game. i don’t accept it.
the one thing i do value to some extent is fairness. i don’t really dislike society at large, what i dislike is life. i dislike the fact that we are not born equal. i’ve been living my life ignoring my gifts because i don’t particularly like giving out the message that i have more than others, but i guess that is their burden to bear. people need to learn who they are and seek out their own advantage. it’s […]
Where have I been the last couple of days, you (do not) ask?
This is not a threat, this is a statement. I have been successfully pushed over the brink/the edge.
At the same time, I’m fucking insane. My suicide is an attempt to make others feel pain. I have been wronged, but I could have read the room and set realistic expectations for myself/I could have never developed the expectations I had in the first place/I could have done my level best to adapt to my environment.
My suicide is essentially me telling life it doesn’t deserve me. I said something similar a while ago, that “this […]
i don’t even know how i feel about anything. i also don’t like adapting to my environment, which makes other people think i cause my own problems. in the end the control factor is what i want. i feel like i’m inching toward some realization that i can’t have this. i always threaten suicide, possibly like a true narcissist, and i can’t really tell if this is the hill i want to die on or not.
i just want my decision to be my own. no pleasing people, or trying to get on their good side..
i wonder if i’m going against how i really feel. i […]
something i didn’t understand
i don’t know if posting confusion on a suicide forum is worth it but i feel comfortable here. i feel so confused. i look at people engaging in things and getting involved in things and i just can’t see a reason to. the only things i do day to day are eat and sleep. i don’t care about reading/intellectual work, i don’t care about “emotional expression,” bc nothing i experience is that fantastical or interesting, i don’t understand why people romanticize anything, i don’t really even care about eating or doing anything like that, i don’t know what relationships or other people are even for, […]
why tf can you edit other people’s comments? like their user, i can see their email too and i can edit their message. why tf would i do this unless i’m trying to do information control?
just realized this is another self deception. i’m here not saying how i really feel. i’ve deceived myself very well.
it’s not i who thinks i’m a joke. i don’t think i’m a joke. i think others are a joke. and that’s the thing i need to work on.
my life is a joke to most people. i’m the comic relief, or someone they cringe at. and i’m starting to really become fine with it. as in, i need to accept it. i might be mentally ill, but i think embracing it is much more desirable for me. i may not win the long game, and i know this, but i’m not ready to give up my “bad” habits yet. after all, who says they are bad?
i also don’t need a therapist. self reflection is enough. circumstances right now are making it particularly hard to self reflect.
i might actually kill […]
do you relate to king magnifico from that new wish movie from disney?
you talk about being a cult leader or something. if you’re a good person, you can have power. i wonder if you demonize yourself
not solving my problems. done
Looking for a purpose in life. Tying it to a certain person. Perhaps being self destructive. There’s nothing wrong with my circumstances except I’m what someone might consider to be a malignant person. I’ll do whatever it takes to fulfill my agenda. It just looks like I’ll be dying alone, confused, and most importantly, with a wasted life. And it’s all my choice.
I want to be alone. I want to stand apart. To hell with most relationships. Someone from my past left me alone and I don’t want to exactly say it hurt me, but it got me very disappointed in myself. The […]
Just to preface, I am thankful for my relative circumstances.
However recently I realized that life just isn’t that great. I can do without this. This somewhat took a bit off my back. I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot because somewhere I know, that it’s not because I’m sad that I would commit, but because there’s genuinely nothing in life that would make it worth it. Sure, things are nice, but I can do without them, and eventually, I’d get tired of them. And again, I realized – not that nice. I just tell myself it is. I try really hard to attach […]
When I got over something else, something else majorly bad happened that I can’t get over. Just my luck. But it’s a little less daunting than the last thing. I opened up more about things, and it hasn’t gotten better, but at least there’s some more clarity. I feel like I should be even more devastated, but the relative scale of things makes me try to numb myself to it. I’m feeling pretty devastated already, but the trade off is that I’ve opened up more. Whatever.
By a miracle turn of events, my fears were unfounded. I just want to post this as an update. While things aren’t really that great still, I feel like I’m back from the brink. I didn’t post on here often when I was feeling a little better, but I want to post this still as an update. I’m thinking I need to do more work and hopefully going to see a counselor.