I’m *VERY* behind in my schoolwork. This *should* be my last real week of university, and I *should* graduate the week after next, but I’m so behind in my capstone that I feel like I’m going to lose it. My mom is fucking insane. She rambles on like a neurotic, won’t leave me alone, is incredibly verbally abusive, and I don’t have anywhere or anyway to go. And she *KNOWS* the pressure I’m under, but she won’t leave me the fuck alone. She knows I even had to take 2-3 weeks off from work just to be able to almost have enough time to work. […]
NeverKnown
Who do you imagine when you think of a suicidal person? Age, gender, ethnicity, background, etc…. I figure there’s a lot of different suicidal stereotypes. Where am I getting at with this? Well, I mean, I figure I always knew this, but I just thought about it…
There is no actual suicidal look. Anyone can be suicidal. Anyone, regardless of how they dress, how they talk, how old or young they are… It’s not much of an epiphany I suppose. But would anyone guess that I want to die just by looking at me? How many people around me are suicidal, and I don’t even know […]
Oh, you’re too slow? You must be bad at time management, -30 points even though you completed it correctly. Oh, you work 20 hours a week, spend 4+ hours in public transit, barely get 4 hours of sleep a night, and have a major project in every class? And you were crying all night because you got stuck on something and this assignment was 1/5 of your homework grade? Too bad, you should’ve started earlier. You had earlier deadlines you say? That you also had trouble keeping, you say? No excuse.
But no worries! A grade is just a number! It’s not like you spent years […]
University, high school, middle school, elementary… all torture. I’m a senior in university, and I feel like most of my life has been torture. You sit down, shut up, write as fast as possible, and attempt to learn the material at an acceptable rate, and work and work and work and study and work, and try so hard to finish your load of work before the due date lest you be penalized an absurd amount because you were a few hours or even a few minutes late. “Oh, you should have started earlier,” they say. But… when was that? When I was working on other […]
After I asked the financial aid dept at my school a question because I planned on graduating in the fall, they removed more than half of my assistance for the fall without asking me, officially fucking me over. In order to pay for school, I’d have to take a shit-ton of loans when I’m already deeeeeep in debt. Or… you know, they coulda told me before doing that so I could consider not applying for graduation in the fall before they fuck me over.
It feels life everything in my life wants me dead. The landlord, my mom, my school… Work is literally the only good thing […]
I have to finish this project. I have to get a couple hours sleep. I have to call the landlord in the morning to try to save us. I have work in the morning. I have to make sure I’m prepared for school next week.
I have to focus. I have to focus. I have to focus.
It’s so hard to focus. We could lose everything for no goddamn reason, just because my mom and my landlord won’t get along. I’ve been working hard. I thought money would solve our problems, but shit’s always unnecessarily complicated. My mom doesn’t want me to interfere, but whatever she’s doing […]
But I guess that isn’t a surprise given this website. I live with a goddamn crazy person who is in control of literally everything but refuses to actually use her control to make sure we don’t get fucking evicted. She’s going to get us both homeless and make sure that I lose every fucking thing I’ve ever owned. And talking to her is like talking to a goddamn brick wall. Her mindset is so off, that logic doesn’t do a goddamn thing. She’s so anxious and can’t possibly bear facing the landlord because she absolutely refuses to cooperate with the fucking guy. But we have the money because […]
If it comes down to losing everything, I’m going to kill myself.
Because you can’t expect me to just get over losing everything. Anyone who expects me to experience that and just cope with that is no friend of mine. Yes, I understand there are people who have gone through homelessness and losing their material possessions and have come through that stronger, but I do not wish to be another one of those people. Where is the line drawn between “can” and “should”? Yes, I’m sure I can, physically survive losing everything, if you tie me to a chair, kicking and screaming, while I watch everything being torn away from me, tossed onto the sidewalk or into the garbage. […]
I was 17 back when I was active on this site. I’m 24 now. Wow. It’s scary now that I think about it. Seven years ago I made an account on a suicide website, and here I am again. Seven years later. I’ve checked out this website every once in a while, but I’m finally posting again.
It isn’t too much of a surprise that I’m still alive though. Sure, I had suicidal thoughts, but I was always too afraid to actually go through with it. I’ve met people on this site who were way worse off than me.
I don’t want to make it sound like […]
Ever make a small mistake, try to fix it, then make a bigger mistake, then… ?
Excerpt: This is the story of pure torture that has been going on for the last few hours. It is completely my fault, and hopefully someone will find this amusing. Click to read the full story.
I dread catching the bus to school. I’m am sick of seeing that fat, black lady’s face, covered in makeup, twisted into an arrogant smile, with large dark sunglasses hiding her eyes.
She watches our every move. “Don’t sit there,” she says to one girl. “Move to the back.”
But let me start at the beginning.
She was a new bus driver, and an annoying one at that. We could deal with her radical arrivals: She would come at 8:50 one day and 8:15 the next. Not to mention her fast driving on the turns and over the bumps. But it was okay. She gradually improved.
But then she […]
I know you might think it strange, but…
A few months ago, last year, I had spent nearly an entire day and night desperately searching for a free psychic reading on the internet. I just felt so lost and so hopeless and wanted a little insight.  I didn’t necessarily want my future told; I just wish I knew more about me … a little idea of what to do.
Sometimes (rarely), it feels like I can understand everyone and everything. But most times, especially now, I feel so confused. I wish that things would just get better!  But they don’t. In fact, they get worse and worse. […]
My life is falling apart.
It was fine. I mean, it was awful, but my grades were good… things were working. But then my dad had to screw everything up… I had to screw everything up.
I can’t take the arguments… the overwhelming stress. I’m a 17 year old girl. It’s my senior year in high school, and I feel like everyone has abandoned me. My friends have already applied to colleges, and I couldn’t finish my damn application essay. I can’t focus anymore. My unweighted GPA was 3.6 or so after junior year… sounds great right? But my grades dropped. I failed multiple classes. It probably […]