I don’t think I’ve been on here since February . Well I’m back. I think I’m more so back on here because of how lonely I feel.
All my friends moved back to college and I’m taking the semester off so I’m home . I don’t really have any friends around here now . I spend most days alone and it’s sad . I eat out alone, go shopping alone, lay in bed most of the time . I almost feel happy but sad at the same time .
I think I’m figuring a lot about my self in this alone time . But I’m not […]
My biggest fear is my life passing too quickly and not accomplishing anything. I hate waking up in the morning just to know that night will soon come . I feel like I am just present during my day to day lifestyle . I am not satisfied . I don’t care to see the same people everyday, or do the same activities . I hate repetition. I can’t live a life where I wake up to work everyday regurgitate the same bullshit the next day .
I would be happier if my lifestyle was different . But it’s unrealistic. My ideal lifestyle could never happen. […]
Anxiety , bipolar disorder , and depression. I feel like I have been falling some what back into my old ways again. I’m falling apart . And all I can think about about is suicide again lately . I find it bringing a peaceful end to my life .
Hey guys .. I haven’t been on since January or the beginning of February . I’ve been so busy with my job .
Let’s just say my life has dramatically changed in the past few months . I got a new job and have been making good money , and met a whole new set of friends . I never thought my life could change so quickly . I was doing really well but I feel like I’ve been slipping off into my depressed state again. But it’s not as bad as before.
I realized a lot about my self over the past few months . I’ve […]
Happy Tuesday y’all…
Things have been really good and busy for me lately . I have been working and going to school.
I love my job. I have made so many new friends , and it’s given me a new perspective on everything .
Anyone you meet opens a new door for opportunity .
I don’t really have much to say other than the fact that I’ve been well. I’ve been better . I’ve been more active . I drag my self out of bed everyday . I’m engaged in school.
So everything is looking up 🙂 I hope things are great for y’all too 🙂
It’s 80 degrees today . I love spring . It came early this year . And trees are blooming .
Flowers and life make me happy. It makes me feel alive .
I love to walk on the grass barefoot . I feel connected to Mother Nature.
And I love sitting by the water.
Today is good . I think winter made me
Sad .
I also have been playing around with essential oils and spraying them. Aromatherapy is real. I feel like I’m in a better mood .
Today is just beautiful. I wanted to share that with you all .
I’m about to go hangout with friends and […]
The past couple of days have been really good for me.
I’ve been hanging out with some childhood friends again and surrounding myself with great people.
I’ve been trying not to put myself down as much, and if i catch myself doing so then i try to focus on something else like music.
I’ve been training for my new job. I’m excited. It’s going to be better than what i thought.
I’m just trying to look on the bright side of life. I spend too much time being pessimistic. And life is wasted if the only thing you do is feeling pessimistic.
I know i’ll have bad days […]
Happy February everyone… Today it is 70 degrees. My favorite temp. Not too cold, not too hot. Just perfect. I feel alive today. I stepped outside and felt the nice cool breeze on my skin. Spring is going to come early this year here in Virginia beach. It’s been a warm winter. I’m gonna go to the beach today or go to our state park and walk on the trails.
For some reason, days like this make me happy that i haven’t given up yet on life. It’s so peaceful out and pretty. I wish every day was like this.
I hope all of your days […]
I got into Portland state university . I applied for the hell of It and I got in haha . I’m seriously considering moving to Oregon from Virginia . Most of my sadness and anger comes from this state.
I’ve never been to the west coast though. But I feel like Portland would be nice . Oregon seems like it has lots of trees and nature .
I would feel so much better if I got away. I could meet totally new people, see new places , eat at new restaurants .
I hate seeing the same old boring stuff that’s been here since I was born […]
I don’t know what to do.
It’s all I ever think about .
It’s taken over my mind . And joy I have.
I am failing in everything that I do now.
People say I’m lazy , but I just don’t care .
The only think I look forward to is going back to sleep. I hate all the obligations that make me get up in the morning .
I feel like I’m going to go insane . I broke down yesterday but I feel it coming on today again .
I don’t know what to do anymore . I don’t have hope .
In so embarrassed for feeling this way . […]
In my dental assisting class my teacher is the worst person I have met .
When I get a answer wrong she tells me to hang my self . I have gotten so angry and have gotten a attitude with her . She’s dropped my grade so much .
What she says to me is so unprofessional . I want to be like you know my mom killed her self with a bottle of pills ? And do you know I’m suicidal ?
Allvthe girls in the class are mean to me too. They say things like how I look like a heroin addict .
That class just pisses […]
It’s been a really shitty past couple of days.
I have realized that absolutely nothing makes me happy anymore.
I see and feel no point to anything that i do.
I hate going to class, i don’t care about my job.
I don’t have the ability to feel anything.
I don’t know why i haven’t left already.
I love this guy and his music . I have the biggest crush on him lol.
But this song is good . It’s called “lily”
Tonight is my friends 23rd so were going out to celebrate. I’m excited. Hopefully that will entitle us to some free drinks. lol.
This weeks been rough, but it’s Friday and i couldn’t be any happier. I got a job- which is a good thing, & finished all my work in my classes for the week. So i’ll have a nice smooth weekend.
Another shitty thing that i found out though this week was finding out the reason why this guy i was practically in love with stopped talking to me. He started “Seeing somebody else” . LOL. We were supposed to see a concert tonight that […]
So I got the job . But I’m not the least bit happy . I could honestly care less .
I dont know why I haven’t killed myself yet . But I have this feeling the time is coming soon.
My days have gotten worse . And I can’t enjoy the least bit of anything .
I don’t even know why I’m typing this . I’m so angry and sad right now .
It all started with presenting my research paper . I couldn’t talk . And when I did I just sounded like I had no idea what I was talking about. I did so bad .
Then I took my dental assisting tests . I was so freaked out . I don’t even know why.
Then I went to the group interview . It was the stupidest fucking interview I’ve ever been to. You literally play games . And dance to music with randoms . I mean it was alright but still. All the staff members were annoying . I couldn’t stand any of them.
I fucked up on […]
I’m actually feeling good about my job interview tomorrow . I have one at top golf . It just opened in my city . And it’s a group interview . You play games with people and have fun so it’s not even like a real interview .
I just get nervous . I feel like if I get this job then I will feel like I have something to do . It will take my mind off things .
So wish me luck tomorow … It’s gonna be a nerve wrecking day . I also have to present my research paper in class .. That’s […]
I feel like nothing . I am nothing. I don’t do anything anymore . Today I skipped my job interview because I was tired and I was scared . I never used to be like this ? I’m terrified of being judged . So I didn’t go .
I have another tomorow so I’ll try to go … But I’ve been having social anxiety for months now . People used to say I was a social butterfly.
I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately . There is nothing in my life that makes me remotely happy. Absolutely nothing . Probably eating. But suicide is the […]
Deleting all my social media last summer was the best thing I did. This is what I found:
1. It’s only use is for people to show off what they have. It’s a ego thing.
2. You loose friends . I lost every single one of my friends. I was cut off from the “real world”, but wasn’t I the one really living in the real world?
3. Everything online is a lie. The Internet and social media is just a place where people can be someone that they’re not. Life’s shitty , I don’t blame them.
4. You gain confidence. I didn’t spend hours looking at […]
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a body that’s drowning. She’s so sluggish and sad . And tired.
Why can’t I enjoy life like “normal” people ?
I wish I woke up excited to see day instead of wishing I was back to sleep.
It feels like there are demons inside me . Taking over who I am. Erasing the last bit of happiness that I could possibly have.
I always wonder if people understand me, but everyone sees everything differently .
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