Hello again,
I feel so confused. My mind races constantly trying to figure where it ought to stop. The memories keep chasing me, I can’t stop to rest. If I do they’ll catch up to me. Lord please help me right now, cause without I just might fail.
My heart beats but not just for me
I need to keep trying cause if I don’t they’ll look back and know Ive failed
Even now I owe them the fortune of forgiveness
Don’t I?
I owe them my very begin because collective consciousness decided this is the life for me
I disgrace to everyone and I […]
What am i doing with myself? I keep thinking I’m taking steps in the right directions but when i look back I’m not making any difference. You know that part of you that fills with emotion…I’m feeling all raw intense feelings and i can’t focus on what my mind is telling me.
I knew I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I still did it.Opening my legs just to feel needed and wanted. I don’t understand why it only last for a few seconds though. Finding someone who genuinely loved me and all my flaws..is impossible. I know that People who were supposed to love me regardless of my flaws didn’t. My mom, my dad, family, friends. So what did I expect from people who dont owe me that loyalty. I’ve never been loved. I’ve never been thought about. I opened my heart a million times and its been broken a millon time. […]
She looks in the mirror disgusted by what looks back at her. She smiles the broken smile. She laughs the rehearsed laughter.
Wonder why i am up crying while my babys sleeping in the other room
Maybe its because i know im failing , im a failure
I hate myself. I hate everything about myself.
Its honestly not fair. You know to give your all and not be enough. To hate looking in the mirror. Being strong. Standing on two broken legs. Watching life happen in front of you and feeling all the blows.b
How can I be that stupid person. How can I attract people who only use me. No one comes in my life to love me. It’s not fair. I do so much. I give my all. But there’s always someone more better. More pretty. He’s never going to love me the way he seems to love every other girl he meets. Fuckkkkk??? God please send someone in my life who will love me and iviie. Love us as a priority and not as a anchor that’s holding them back from living there life. God please I’m asking you. I’m begging you I’ve been everything you […]
Its happening…its happening again.
Its me. They come in and out. Leaving so quick. I thought things were different but they’re not I’ll never be happy..i dont understand why i am being punished. Nothing makes sense. And now im sitting here with a handful of pills…and right in the next room is a draw filled with knives..down the street it a bridge. So many option. My head all fuzzy. To taste happiness and watch is disappear in front of your eyes worst kind of pain. To see what could have been but isn’t.
I am tired of saying what i hate
But even the tears don’t seem to release the bottled up emotions….lately i told myself its better not to feel anything then to feel everything.
I honestly hate my life and i always have..
But i love someone with all i have.
He tells me he loves me and im the best thing that ever happened to him…but idk
I hate myself so how can he love me?
I never had anyone love me before…not like him..
Someone who doesnt want sex..or money..or something…
And im so confused.
I wanna die..but i wanna live for him
Why is it that when you fix one problem another one appears…why is it people just can’t understand that it’s all pointless..who makes up shit like this…I hate waking up feeling like…I hate being imperfect…I hate that god chose me to live this pathetic life…I FUCKING hate it…and no matter how many time I try fix it I still wind up back in this same box….I really want to know when does it end…when do happiness come for me…when can I smile because it’s genuine…I just don’t know what to do anymore…I just don’t know how to pretend anymore…I just don’t know what they […]
If i could erase all my flaws i would…not to be perfect but to be whatever they wanted me to be. I would fix my shattered heart. And i would erase my memory forget all the pain that been stomped into it.
I would let go all the hatred
I would smile just to make someone smile
I hate feeling this way
I hate walking alone
I hate being the only one who suffers
I hate laughing to prove how strong i am
I hate being on meds cause of all the trauma
I hate myself above all else..for being a failure..a mistake
I hate myself for not being pretty..i hate myself for being dumb and unlovable
I should know by now..that the people who say they love you are so quick to hurt you. I am tired i letting things slide..but bc i love you i don’t want to throw away what i feel so easily. But today i thought why do i always get hurt? I am loyal..honest..and a bunch of other shit. I love you but you don’t love me.
I was gonna cut but then i realize i will only suffer the after effect of it.
So i will cry in privacy everyday
Why???
If things were different would you love me ??
If things were different would you not be ashamed of me??
I ask to many questions
I am too unsure
I hate myself
I am ugly
I am not what you want
I am flawed
I am too different
I am easily hurt
I love you
Why?
I am tired of asking the same fucking question
I am tired of smiling when inside i feel like i am dying
I am tired of the fucking bullshit
I am tired of lies
Don’t i deserve the truth??
Why does everybody seem to love screaming at me?
Fuck
Why did i have to be born??
Urrgh
Bone crushing pain i feel everyday
Tired of this cycle repeating
Tired of begging for help
Tired of feeling alone
Tired of myself
Tired of not being enough
Tired of making eveyone else happy
Tired of being left out
Tired of hoping for nothing
Tired of dreamless […]
Today has been one of the most emotional day of my life. I have never felt so useless..and alone. I realize everybody comes in my life when they need something. I want to die. I want to die. I already feel mental pain. Physical pain is what i need. Something to say you’re in control…stop…go…deeper. I HATE MY LIFE. There’s nothing that make me want to fight to live. I’m sorry.
Sorry for writing again.
I just gotta know when will the tears stop running down my face whenever i am alone.
I just gotta know when will i finally find peace
I just gotta know when will i accept that things…for me will never get better
I just gotta know when will i get the same love i give out
I just gotta know when does mg pain end
I just gotta know how many times i am have to get on my knees begging for your help
I just gotta know how many pills should i take the next time
I just gotta […]
My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
Sooo someone else just walked in my life saying they love me but i know the drill. They give…give….give until they’ve gained my trust. I want to just say yes they love me…but deep down i know they don’t. I am afraid of not being…well you know. Sorry for being an annoying *****. Sorry for alway’s repeating my story.
So i have or i guess had a best friend who i considered like a sister but i feel like she didn’t feel the same. We have been best friends for three years. I think that the worst part about losing your friend is not losing them but feeling like you are losing them. I feel less important when she talks to other people. I know that i can be easily replaced. She is sooooo pretty and smart. I just already hate myself and i thought since we were in similar sitiation we would have EACH other back. But i guess not. I can not […]
Newer Posts