today is my first day, i am actually going through with it,i didnt eat anything at all today,i wont till i die,your body has to stop working with out food some point,this aint a attempt you cant get not lucky with either, but its hard as hell,i dont feel good, i feel sick to my stomic,i have no idea how to imagen what the last day on this earth will be like suffering starvation,but i really want out so here it goes,
i want to be somebody els, she is so lucky, she got out of the group home and she practically made a new family with the staff and calls one of them mom,how do somepeople get so lucky? i dont have anyone i no some people that live two hours away, and i actually wish that girl would want to be my friend cause i looked up to her, im just not an exception
i called a suicide hotline to talk to someone about wantig to kill my self and my pain, i bearly started talking and she told me to hold on a minute, and i was on the phone waiting for atleast a minute till i got pissed, i realized it must have not been that important,wtf,
i sit here alone in my apartment, i want to just leave this town but i cant deal with being in a group home again,im sick a being thrown every where,when im done with being protectivly placed i will jump a train if i have to,im alone,i always been,i called my support staff and she was being a ***** so i broke down,people that are there to sapport you dont, some people may think if i want to end it so bad why dont i just do it, because the pain of knowing noone would give a damb rips my heart open,but the pain of […]
people ask me why im so angry, when theywant to know me, i tell them they cant know me,for one i dont even know myself,usualyy when i think i figured it out things go down hill, i turn my hurt into anger cause it feels better then pain to me,i dont trust anyone,i push people away cause i want to hurt them before they hurt me,cause i cant take the damage,i wear masks,i never act how i really feel,this is what life fucking did to me,if i ever become something great in life im gonna fuck everyone that has hurt me over,my rage is hidden […]
i fought through everything in my life, starvation, homeless, abandment, even times i wanted to take a bunch of pills and end it or excape for a little while,i stopt abusing pills when i was 19,i thought if u fight like u want what you see and want what you crave in life then it has to happen,my family dont give a shit about me, my dad only calls to ask if i heard from my twin and how shes doing, can somebody atleast act like they care?o i forgot ,people do, and they end up showing who they really are wen they leave you […]
my life seemed perfect up untill i was three.some things you cant forget but the fear and hurt always comes back to visit me. the shit i would do to remember what it feels like to have my mom love me and be dadies little princess, till i started watching her beat my older sisters, she would beeat my oldest sister everyday after school stomp on her in the corner of the bathroom like a bug, pull her pants down and make her shit in a bucket sometimes shed say she was gonna beat the living shit out her just for having her period,when moma started […]
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