i fought through everything in my life, starvation, homeless, abandment, even times i wanted to take a bunch of pills and end it or excape for a little while,i stopt abusing pills when i was 19,i thought if u fight like u want what you see and want what you crave in life then it has to happen,my family dont give a shit about me, my dad only calls to ask if i heard from my twin and how shes doing, can somebody atleast act like they care?o i forgot ,people do, and they end up showing who they really are wen they leave you to die in your own blood, but i fight with all i got,nothing changes, is there a god? cause last night i prayed, right after i was almost attacked,its like bad luck is attracted to me, like im cursed,the only thing that is stopping me from takeing this pocket knife to my neck is i fear i wont die, and i fear i will still exist in this same world feeling what i always feel,i try to see the point of my life but i been used so fucking much i feel like my purpose is to be a punching bag and used,thats all i ever get out of this life nomatter how good i do,what the fuck els does this world want from me?if this is how it will be then i will go in my bathroom look in the mirriior and slit my throat cause im done.noone will give a crap,i want to be someone els.but ill never be her cause shes loved, shes an exception,
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Hey… I know this is a bit late, but I stumbled across this after googling, “When does life get better?” I am practically in the same shoes as you… Days are repetitive, day in and day out.. After work, I see couples holding hands, laughing and loving each other. I come home to nothing daily. Holidays are just another day, and birthdays to me, just mean that I’m getting closer to dying.. Still, I put my faith and my trust in God. When things go bad, and I only have myself to rely on, I pray as I’m walking or doing whatever it is that I’m doing. I don’t bow my head or do the traditional hand gesture. I pray in my mind. I find things to thank him for, many times it is hard.. I came to a conclusion, how can we know love and love others if we do not love ourselves? How can we purvey happiness if we are distraught and disappointed with ourselves? Why is it that we should care and waste time on what others think about us, when we should be bettering ourselves in general? I’m not saying to be selfish, helping others is a way to feel better about ourselves instead of wallowing in our own sadness, but care for yourself. Don’t slit your throat. Be strong and endure.