noexception

my life seemed perfect up untill i was three.some things you cant forget but the fear and hurt always comes back to visit me. the shit i would do to remember what it feels like to have my mom love me and be dadies little princess, till i started watching her beat my older sisters, she would beeat my oldest sister everyday after school stomp on her in the corner of the bathroom like a bug, pull her pants down and make her shit in a bucket sometimes shed say she was gonna beat the living shit out her just for having her period,when moma started beating me it was like games,sometimes shed attack us and choke us in our sleep and wake up to her slamming one of our heads against the wall, daddy just watched,i watched blood run like a fucking foset down my sisters nose, i been pushed down stairs, the first time she attempted to abandond me she  pulled the car over on a back road through me out and drove off,i just sat on the gravle not noing what to do.the first time i had to sleep out side for the entire night i was 13,it was cold and i had nothing in my stomic for a little less then 3 days, she would make us go to bed hungry, cause eating was a privlige and she hated us around,they divorced wen i was 6,moma an me an my twin moved with her 1st abuseive boyfriend who melested me and make me watch dirty movies, moma new everything sometimes shed tell them to do shit an they did,at age 7 i started getting angery at the world,i cut my hair and made myself look like a boy cause moma and mike said they just wish they could have a boy,when she saw my hair she screamed at me calling me ugly,i remember the words(your so ugly!)she took me to the phsyciatric hospital and said i was crazy and she didnt want me,since 7 i been in foster homes,residential facilities and back to her,were i was deprived of food love, and sometimes a place to sleep,i said i love you moma, she said fuck off, god i hate you little *****,i tried to kill myself and use the hospital as a safe place, but soon they had enough of me i lost,moma would call me a waste of life and tell me to disapear and die, she told doctors i was crazy and now there i made proof but i just wanted somebody to love me,i was bullied so bad in school,i would hide in the bathroom stall all day so i wouldnt get jumpt, when i was 14 i was put in state cause i couldnt stand going back home so much i slit my rist and got 36 stitches, i almost died they said,i lost alot of bllod and anycloser i would of hit my vein and died, i was locked up for five years,in different treatment facilities,when i turned eighteen i was sent to a group home, i met the manager, she was so nice, i tried everything to make her hate me and get rid of me, or to see if she would, but she promised not,she was like a mom to me,sometimes id cry and hurt myself and she would hold me and tell me everything will be ok,she promised she would never hurt me or lie,she said she would show me what unconditional love is and she would never disapear from me,always be there,and she was, i put all my trust in her,i thought god mabey did like me,till she lied about everything she quit on my 20th birthday,i seen her a couple months later at a run in and she hugged me and cried,but time goes by im in an apartment now im almost 21 and she probley doesnt even care if i was dead anymore,i live right down the street from her and isee her and she pretends she dont see me, the x client avoids me, she talks to all the staff and they love her to death but me, im no exception,i dont have shit, nobody loves me,why do people have to lie and brake promises, she could talk to me if she cared,theres no regulations for group homes,she said i was precious to her, and now i aint shit! i want out,i go to college i work, i cant make any friends,iv been used by guys, thinking they care but they just want shit,im on papers still and cant move were i want, im lonley as fuck,