Blood: mine and everyone else’s. It becomes an obsession. I love to see it. The very thing that keeps us alive. Available in large or small quantities. In small portions it can be a necessity, yet deadly to someone else! And in large it can drain you of the essence of life. It oozes from a cut as a throbbing life form becoming free. Entering the real world and clinging hopelessly to the skin only to be brushed off and thrust into a hostile environment. Drying and dying, the blood and its gift of live wither away into a dark, hard shell of its former […]
I just realized I never really introduced myself. I am ‘bones. A teenage girl who was born with a sense of duty. The model child. People thought I was wierd. Mature for my age. People still think that. As far as a reason for being depressed, it is mostly a control issue. My family expects and demands perfection, and controlling me is like an insurance to them. “If she doesn’t have room to mess up, she won’t. But if she still does, lets completely restrict her!” As a way of claiming something for myself, I became addicted to not eating and to over-exercising. After the […]
Let me know if you relate, because I’m pretty sure I’m the only one. This is how I feel, and I really contemplated sharing. So here goes:
My life has entirely consisted of me striving to be the best child I could possibly be. I didn’t sneak things. I always listened to my mom. I was the perfect kid. Until I made a friend at my school. She was a good kid, but thought she wasn’t. She fooled herself and got away with anything because her parents just thought it was easier to just let things go. Just letting things go caused her mom to […]
I was raised to think that depression and suicide were selfish acts committed in the despair and hollowness of one’s own soul based on their selfish desires. My mom gave me this idea. Strange, seeing how she used to be suicidal.
I have seen the families of suicide victims first hand. They rot away until they are dead themselves. Mere skins of the people they once were. And I feel selfish.
Why do I want to put my family through that? Why do I want to take my own life just because it would benefit me? Went to church today and the preacher was talking about […]
Dear ole friend:
We were bullied together. This bonded us.
We fought with each other. This strengthened us.
We teased each other. This helped us.
Your mom killed herself. This broke us.
You won’t talk to me. This hurts me.
I wish I was your mom. Then you wouldn’t die.
But I know. You’re just like your mom. I just hope I can wait until after you die so you don’t lose two people in the same year.
I used to hate you for trying to be my friend. But you finally made it.
I’m gonna miss you. Bye…
~Me
Does the depression or the results of the depression hurt more?
Does the cut or the fact that I can’t hold hands hurt more?
Does death or the hole caused by death hurt more?
I have OCD, depression, and a fear of weight. For a girl in a christian home, that is the stupidest thing ever. I feel so ungrateful when I think about why I am the way I am, but I can’t change, and I don’t want to. I will be like this forever… or as long as I live.
![oh to be her: confident with her body and herself to [...]
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I have been stuck here for 15 years. I have parents that are very old fashioned, but lately have been slacking up with my brother (5 years younger than me) and it is pissing me off. He has turned into a sneaky brat. And my parents thing I’M the disrespectful one. No, but the two of us shouldn’t have the same rules. They smother me and I am not allowed to go out. Oh, and I weigh 90llbs and want to weigh 80. So I basically just want me and my boyfriend to move away into the forest with our guns, horses, and no food […]