It’s almost 2AM. I’m in my room alone. Crying my eyes out wanting to die. I haven’t felt this way in over a month. I look at my scars and notice them fading. Why are they leaving me I don’t want to see them go. They’re such a big part of me, I swear they’re my closest friends. I’ve tried everything to clear my mind, but nothing seems to work. I’ve tried snapping a a rubber band, I’ve tried drawing a butterfly,I’ve tried all I can think. I don’t know what wrong with my mind. all I know is that it’s back. The urge to […]
I’m sooo scared to go back to therapy.. I don’t want to but my parents are making me! I was in therapy for 2.5 YEARS and it didn’t do anything! Honestly my church has done 100% more in 1.5 YEARS than therapy ever did. It’s annoying, makes the depression even worse, and honestly I haven’t even been feeling depressed lately… sorry for those of you who are not into Christianity (DO NOT GIVE ME CRAP FOR IT PLEASE).. I’ve gotten more involved with the church, gotten involved in outreaches, and might even be going on a mission trip to Mexico in August. I’m finally happy […]
So I don’t know if anyone on here is good at reading what dreams mean, but this is a really REALLY weird one that I had a few months ago (I had written it down when I woke up) and it involves the Holocaust, Ashley Purdy, and self harm. I am Hebrew (that’s the nationality Jew is the religion and I’m Christian not Jewish, but I had family members die in the Holocaust) and have struggled with self harm since the 2nd grade. I have also been a fan of Black Veil Brides since 2008 and Ashley Purdy is actually my least favourite of the […]
so here is a piece of my story that I’ve only told 2 people about….
As you can imagine I’m terribly nervous about doing this.
When I was 5 years old, my Great Uncle and Great Aunt came down to visit..
I never really liked my Uncle Jerry but this just gave me more of a reason to not like him. I remember that day like it was yesterday (when it happened 12 years ago) I was watching 101 Dalmatians the cartoon with him. We were sitting on the bed and I was wearing sweatpants and a green turtleneck. It was right around Christmas that year. I went […]
Back during my Freshman year of high school (I’m now a junior) I was really close friends with this gay guy in my drama class named Josh. He moved away that same year and we had our struggles keeping in touch, but he started collage last year and completely shut me out and stopped talking to me… It really hurt me because I had feelings for him for a while (yes I knew he was gay). We helped each other through things, he knew what it was like to be suicidal and struggle with self harm so we hit it off right away and became […]
today marks the 4 year mark of when me and my friend Hunter met… I still remember how we met. I tweeted saying “happy 6 year anniversary Mean Girls!!” and he replied with “On Wednesdays we wear pink” and instantly we started following each other on twitter and got to know each other really well. We were really close for 3.5 years. I was there for him when he got disowned by his parents and family, I was there when he had his heart surgery and almost died, I was there through 3 of 5 rehab trips, I was there to help him plan his […]
These voices are becoming too much to bare. I’ve heard voices all my life, but never to this extreme. I have counted as many as 20 voices all arguing with each other but agreeing over a mutual hatred of me. Telling me to kill myself. Telling me that I’m not worth it. Saying I’m waste of time/space/and money. Calling me a slut. Saying I deserved what those guys have done to me. Telling me not to as my crush out because he’ll just reject me, laugh in my face, and hurt me like everyone else. I fear they’re winning. Slowly driving me insane. I really […]
I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like […]
so there is this one guy who works in the photo department at the Walmart by my house and he is INSANELY cute and super sweet. Every time he sees me he comes up and says hi to me and asks how I’ve been and makes conversation… well apparently my mom told him (when i wasn’t there) that I like him… not only did she tell him that I have a crush on him, but he KNEW WHO I WAS!!!!!! This was a couple months ago. now every time I’m in there to get pictures developed (which I do quite a bit because I take […]
I’m such a fuck up I can’t even kill myself right..
I’ve tried 7 times and I’m still here….
3 of my friends have done it..
Why can’t I?
They say it has to get worse,
Before it can get better.
I say, “how much worse?”
“How long will it take?”
It’s been 6 years.
But here I go again.
Faking this smile.
Hiding the pain.
No one sees through.
No one cares to.
