Roaming_Soul

I just want someone to tell me that it will be okay and mean it 🙁

hiraeth
pronounced (HEER-eyeth)
(n) a home sickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

I constantly have this feeling that something is going to go wrong. I mean things are already shitty but it feels like my heart is going to explode because I’m so worried. Like what the fuck? I go from feeling extremely numb to being a paranoid. Screw life and its fucked up emotional games, I think I just need to get high or something.

I don’t know if this description of suicide is accurate even though it it is splashed all over sites that claim they want to help. What if the problem is permanent? Can you help now? I thought not. You can’t give a bullshit definition for something if you have never experienced it before. Another one of societies attempts to label the things which they do not understand.

Are most of us on here asking for too much? Some of us ask to be happy for one moment in our lives and if the world cannot provide this feeling that has evaded most of us, we ask for death but this world we live in is providing neither. Are we asking for too much? Are we seriously bad people for asking for these? I don’t ask for much but everyday its a constant reminder that my answer to all these questions will be a giant ball of nothingness, because that’s what I am.

I’ve recently realized that I can’t trust anyone to save me, not that I was expecting anyone to but things are more clear for me. The second you rely on someone is the moment you give them the opportunity to hurt and disappoint you. This is the fucked up world we live in, but I refuse to be a part of this messed up society..a lone wolf that’s what I am.
It’s funny because when I decide to join this facade that society continually builds I am judged and once I become a lone wolf I am still judged. FUCK THEM! I can’t force you […]

Sitting here with the faint sound of my music in the background watching the lightning light up the sky like a Christmas tree is quite calming, especially considering the fact that I hate Christmas.
This is what death must feel like, right? calm, quiet, the noise in our heads disappearing as we lose ourselves in this most of extreme calmness. This has to be what death feels like, because when you die its you and you alone that dies and in this moment there’s me and no one else.
This life mirrors what death surely has to be, the dead can’t feel neither can I…is […]

I don’t have any fight left in me. I’m tired and this is not how I want things to be! I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of shouting, I’m tired of cutting, just being alive is draining because when I open my eyes I realize that as much as I want things to change, they won’t. And I’ve said this to people over and over: “I feel defeated! There’s no more fight in me!” but you tell me to buck up, cheer up and face a new day. Keeping holding on? I’ve been holding on and I’ve been the strong one, but […]

This feeling of loneliness that is manifesting itself withing me is what reassures me that I am still alive and that although I feel dead I am merely on auto pilot. It’s a painful feeling that feels as though my heart has imploded and I walk around with this accepting it as a part of me, like an extra body part or some weird thing like that.
But I don’t want loneliness to spread and grow inside the people around me, so I’ve taken it upon myself to put a smile on the faces of people who look upset or just any random person in […]

I’m trying so hard to keep my shit together, not for me but for the sake of my little sister. My efforts aren’t good enough to keep myself from crumbling and with no support from hardly anyone I can feel myself slipping. I’m fighting this feeling but the forces in life that present themselves as family, “friends” and school just knock me back down onto my knees. I’ve screamed, cried and smiled to try and make it all better, but I can’t do it. No one can say that I didn’t fucking try, I did! I tried my fucking hardest but it’s not enough and […]

I wasn’t expecting miracles and fireworks or for things to suddenly take a turn for the better today, but it doesn’t hurt hoping. Once again hope has let me down

Its passed midnight where I am and 2013 has started. I can only say happy new year to those of you who wish to find happiness, but to people like me it signifies the beginning of a new course of hurt, heartache and that longing feeling of wanting to escape this place. I’m pretty drunk so my feelings are real right now.

To be honest when that clock hit twelve I let a tear shed, because I’m scared. I’m scared of what this year will hold and I don’t want to experience the same shit again! I honestly never thought I would make it here, but […]

We live in world were status and reaching the top of the social ladder means a lot to people, but the process of getting there makes me sick. The things people say to each other or about each other is disturbing and makes me hurt not only for the person it’s directed at but it brings back the painful memories of when those words were once directed at me.

We all have our stories and the shit that’s happened to us in our lives, but people don’t take the time to hear each others stories. It took me to come online and search for a place […]

My mood is low 24/7 and if its not its covered up by this fake cheezy smile that everyone parades around with. Why am I so low? Well im afraid that I’ll reach my happy state and lifes blocks will come crashing down and crush me. This is as low as I can go and I guess im staying here because nothing is worth the tears, isolation, lonliness…not even life. Theres no going any lower for me just like many of you im dead inside but continue breathing because our bodies tell us to, but every other part of our bodies tell us to […]