emptinessinme

I am nothing

My existence is empty

I only matter when you want me

You are only happy when I’m drowning

It’s not like anything I dreamt of

I will let the blood gush out

Until there’s nothing left

To match my insides

It used to hurt

Now I feel nothing

I don’t think I’m real

Please tell me this is all fake

Yea, I’m not the same

Maybe you’re the one who changed

I can’t do this anymore

So close to jumping out the window

I can’t think straight

Suicide on my mind every day

Forever 27

I just need to find the strength to let go

I don’t trust anyone

Demons my mind has created

It’s my own little world

It’s not real…

I hate myself for […]

who am i
i dont know
is this real
do i actually exist
why am i here
i dont know
please dont be real

things arent the same
i used to hope and dream of happiness
im dead space
this isnt real
this body means nothing to me

what is happiness anyway
no one matters
it’s just me and this eternal feeling
im going to remove myself forever
im going to do it

this isnt real, so i cant stay
it’s all been a huge disappointment
nothing matters
what i do to myself doesn’t matter
so why don’t i just go

no one really cares
ignore my depression
tell […]

I don’t love you
I never did
I have never truly loved anyone
How can i when all i want to do is die
You make me feel worse
Worse than all the bullies at school
Worse than my family’s disgust towards me
Worse than how i view myself
I thought it couldn’t get worse than that
You somehow always beat me to it
Congrats
I dream of seeing you suffer from when you find out i actually did it
I know you think im a fucking coward
I know you think im weak and dumb
Do you even see anything good in me
You’ll […]

It was a late Saturday night in February
People were home, it was quiet for a weekend
We had just fought over something i don’t even remember
There goes my short term memory loss again
I feel alone even when im not
I tried to make amends but you wouldn’t have it
So i took a walk
I didn’t think you noticed i was gone
All i could think about was the train tracks across the street
I was disassociating again
Walked down near the barrier, only 2 cars passed by
I was 2 steps away from the tracks when a train sped by
I […]

I’ve been lied to
Time only makes things worse
Nothing makes me happy anymore
No person, or pet, food, hobby, or amount of money
And I don’t know who’s crazy anymore
Is it me, is it all of them?
I even feel like my own family is crazy
It’s a scary feeling
Knowing that you and everyone around you is fucking insane
Not trusting in them anymore
Not trusting yourself
Suicide is the only option for me
I’ve decided that a long time ago
I don’t know why I’m still even here
I’m not a good person
I don’t deserve anything good
All i ask […]

I like being alone and prefer it
Yet sometimes I feel so lonely
I feel like I’m no one’s top person
Not even my SO’s who i live with
I don’t matter, I’m not the first to come to mind when something happens
My existence is just that
I could be in a room of people and still feel lonely
Just a complete disconnect from everyone
I hate myself so much that I want to die
I can even make an “okay” day bad
I’m the problem and I don’t want to fix it
My only want is to die
I don’t want to be […]

I moved out of my passive aggressive mom’s house with a boyfriend that I can’t hold a conversation with. I landed a job in HR that I’ve always wanted just to be talked down to. I live in a shit neighborhood with shit people. Nothing gets better. I’m tired of people saying it does. I’ve tried and tried and tried. I’m exhaused. I still want to die. I don’t belong here. All I can stand to do is get high and forget about my real life. I never asked for this shit. This is the type of tired that sleep can’t relieve you from. I […]

I hate myself for not killing myself
I am dead inside and i want my exterior to match
I hate everything about myself and i barely know who i am
I don’t want to know
I want to cut myself and dismember my body
I daydream of getting murdered
I hate myself so much that i cry about it
I pray to a god that i dont believe in to end my life
I am desperate for a way out; it hurts so much to live
I think its clear to everyone around me
I look like a walking rotting carcass
I am begging and […]

here i am again
i dont know what triggered it this time
im not happy
and i think what’s the point then?
nothing really brings me joy anymore
my sex drive is gone
i hate work and it’s not fulfilling
i barely have friends and family
and i dread to see them
so what’s the point of all this suffering?
there’s no light at the end of the tunnel
it’s a saturday night and i feel depressed
so im waiting for the high to hit
i can only hope that will numb away my pain
i’ve always heard drugs is a way to escape reality

do you even listen when i speak?
everyone loves you
you make friends wherever you go
so why are you with me?
a complete opposite
you’re with someone that is begging for purpose
while you’re oozing it out
do you enjoy broken girls?
maybe you want to watch me kill myself
that might be it
i know men and their fetishes
i don’t want to be your toy anymore
i’m only dying for my own amusement
on my watch and nobody will be able to get off on it

i feel like a liar. im pretending to be ok but im not. nothing is ok. i moved out and live with my significant other. things have only gotten worse. i feel so alone. i still want to kill myself and i feel trapped in my relationship, my home, my job, everything. i just want to die. i am tired of trying. i dont give a fuck about the world and do not care about seeing it or meeting new people. i want to cut myself so badly until i bleed to death. im such a piece of shit. i dont even make sense. and […]

I quit my job at the end of December because i was being forced to work multiple positions that I wasn’t hired to do. I tried them out and decided it’s not for me. I hate feeling like i have to explain why i quit a job that i hated and wasnt appreciated at. I’ve been looking for jobs and going on every interview but can’t find anything worth while. I’m at a loss. I want to do something fulfilling and make decent money like everyone but it seems impossible.

I’m unsure about my relationship with my bf. He’s caring and sweet when it comes […]

i knew it was coming
i felt the urge to cut again
and i tried so hard to keep it in
to distract myself
but i couldn’t
and as i sit here with blood gushing out my leg
i feel like im where i belong
that this is what i deserve
what they all want from me
are you happy now?

I’m so unsatisfied with life and who i am. I can’t stand myself. I want nothing more than to die. Nothing makes me happy. I’m always angry and long for death. Life has just been disappointment and anger. And I have the urge to end it all. I hate waking up every day. I have nothing and no one to look forward to. I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. The fact that I’m still alive pisses me the fuck off. 24 years is too fucking long. I can’t take it anymore. I went from cutting myself to stabbing myself with needles. I […]

It’s difficult to pretend like everything is ok
I’ve been brushing off my mental problems like it’s a cold
The issue is, I want to die every day
It’s exhausting to put on a show
Wear a mask in front of everyone I know
Trying to distract myself with little things
I will never be satisfied
Life isn’t enough for me
I need the coldness and darkness that death brings
I’m tired of trying
I’m tired of pretending to care when all I truly want is death
I feel unreal and anxious and depressed all the time
Please murder me
Serious inquiries contact me

I hate who I am
I’ve been taught to be ashamed of myself
I don’t have any confidence or high self esteem
I just want to die
I don’t want to deal with the burden of living in this shit world
I feel disgusting and filthy
I would pay someone to kill me at this point
Anyone willing?
It can be anonymous
Take me out of my misery.

Life isn’t for everyone
I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since I was 8 years old
I remember it clearly
The first time I said “I want to die” like it was a first kiss
I didn’t care about boys and school
I was busy being bullied and witnessing abuse and alcoholism
I’ve felt like an outcast all my life and still do
The only thing I look forward to is death
It’s a consistent feeling every day that will always be in the back of my mind
Life isn’t for everyone and that’s okay
I don’t want to be saved
I don’t want any help

My body has been used
Many times
Over and over again by the same man
I feel filthy
Scars all over my body
Unsure of what diseases I carry
Disgusted by the memories
It will never happen again
But people take what they want and go
Leaving their mark
Reopen wounds that healed
I can’t give myself to anyone
I’m broken and covered in my blood
It will be quick, come on babe
Results into another attempt
I thought sex was supposed to be good
I thought drugs were supposed to make you feel better
My addiction is death
At least kill me before you […]

I have been on this site for about 6 years. But I have been suicidal since I was 8 and I have been trying to die ever since. I don’t know how or why I’m still alive. I barely get by and it’s so obvious that I’m beyond depressed. Either no one notices or no one cares. It’s not their job anyway. I don’t expect shit from anyone in this world. I hate myself. I hate my skin. I constantly want to cut it and burn it. All I want is death. I deserve to be unhappy and miserable. It’s where I belong. Death is […]