I moved out of my passive aggressive mom’s house with a boyfriend that I can’t hold a conversation with. I landed a job in HR that I’ve always wanted just to be talked down to. I live in a shit neighborhood with shit people. Nothing gets better. I’m tired of people saying it does. I’ve tried and tried and tried. I’m exhaused. I still want to die. I don’t belong here. All I can stand to do is get high and forget about my real life. I never asked for this shit. This is the type of tired that sleep can’t relieve you from. I can’t believe that this is my life. I’m suffering so much and no one gives a fuck. I dream of getting murdered. I wish to be a victim of a mass shooter. I can’t take this shit anymore.
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2 comments
who is it not enough for? you’ve moved out of the influence of the person who was bringing you down, but there’s still healing to be done.
I’m really conflicted, because I know that feeling really well of having worked so hard, and not making sufficient progress. The thing is, it sounds like you do want something, maybe what it is isn’t clear, but that’s where I’d focus, that is to say in what you want that isn’t death, because death just isn’t practical
If you don’t want to work where you do, look at other places. If it is the type of work, do something else. Maybe it takes training, but if the job is worth it you can go for that training. The same applies to moving somewhere better, it’s usually expensive, but with patience and careful saving it can be done, or so I’m told.
I was a mental health professional, and it was eating me alive, now I’m an electrical apprentice, and even that may be transitory. You are more than your job, more than where you live. As I say it, I know it’s the advice I’ve resisted the most.
I also worked in mental health. I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives but really I just wanted to learn more about myself. I moved from one toxic situation to another. I really believe I should be alone. I’m so empty.. I have no actual goals or needs or wants in life. I rather die than be anyone or anything. I guess to answer your question, it’s not enough for me. This life isn’t enough. No matter where I end up or how much money I make, it will never be enough. I will never be satisfied until I’m dead. This life isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. I just wish I could find the courage in me to do it. I’m not scared of dying, I’m scared that I will do it incorrectly and live.