Author

Sammi6xoxo

12-24-13

by Sammi6xoxo 7/18/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Haven’t been on in a while, but here’s a thing from forever ago. Memories are bittersweet.

You’re my weapon of choice when I need to be defended. You’re the stronger side of me when I feel like breaking. You’re the tougher one of us when I can’t fight on. You have the sharpest tongue when my words fail to come.

You’re a source of comfort when the world is harsh. A shoulder to cry on when hope seems lost. You’re someone to hold when I feel alone. A sound voice when I’m out of control.

You’re a flower in the snow trying to survive. You keep your head […]

7/18/2015 1 comment

Big Man

by Sammi6xoxo 7/5/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

big man
Whip in hand
Thinks he’s got what it takes
To win
Games of sin
Seems he’s made a mistake
I’m not
A single shot
I’ll make you wish you could stay
Try now
Break me down
You’ll never escape these chains
I will
Shoot to kill
Make sure your eyes are on me
This thrill
Ill make you feel
And then I’ll turn to leave
Get down
On the ground
I want you begging on your knees

Why?

Because all the things I loved
Were lies and clever bait
But I’ll be the one you’re dreaming of
until you finally awake
I’ll kiss you in […]

7/5/2015 3 comments

Eating away at my core

by Sammi6xoxo 7/4/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

“not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not fit enough.”
It echoes it echoes it echoes
Unwanted, unloved, and alone
You’re sick, you’re dying, and you’re cold
The smell of another doctors office
And another face like stone
The sound of machines buzzing
And you wonder why he didn’t show

Daddy, don’t you care
To know if your little girl will live
Why were you never there?
From sad beginning to bitter end
Mom, you tried your best
You’ll always be my best friend
But I guess I failed the test
It’s time for my greatest sin

Bang
Test the gun
Bang
One more time
A bullet for […]

7/4/2015 16 comments

I forgot how to human….

by Sammi6xoxo 7/3/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I’m just gonna go curl up in a ball under a blanket in the corner of my bed. If anyone cares to join me, you better bring some chocolate milk and a fucking donut and be prepared to cuddle for a few hundred years because I’ve sprung another leak in my left eye. I’m sick of the appointments. I’m sick of the pain. I’m sick of going through this alone and I Want nothing more than to swallow a fucking bullet… Every conversation with my worthless father is like pouring salt on an open wound. I know I’m not good enough, but can’t we pretend […]

7/3/2015 18 comments

Sing me to sleep

by Sammi6xoxo 6/30/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Just to feel someone next to me
To hear a soft and steady breathing
Someone who knows what I’m feeling
And refuses to leave me hurting
Through the doctors visits and meds
Through countless hospital beds
Through things I should have never said
And the times I wish I was dead

Please sing me to sleep
My heart will be yours to keep
Just sing to me a lullaby
And kiss away the tears I cry

To feel your hands on me
And know you never planned to leave
Through the illnesses that plague me
And all I really wanted to be
Through all of my broken […]

6/30/2015 10 comments

Goodnight

by Sammi6xoxo 6/24/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

i havent been commenting much lately. im sorry for that. you guys mean the world to me. but how can i help anyone else if i cant help myself? if i make it through the night, ill be back tomorrow, but as it stands right now, i just dont know. i dont fucking know. i do know that im terrified of whats next. im scared of an afterlife. but damn.. anything is better than this

6/24/2015 13 comments

Work Sucked

by Sammi6xoxo 6/22/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Dear Unnamed fuckface who threw his tray across the room and tried to play it of as an accident when he realized his favorite housekeeper was there,

you piss me off. Stop asking so many personal questions. Let me do my job and leave. It’s bad enough that I scrub toilets for a living. You really REALLY don’t have to make it any worse. I’m stressed enough without people like you making my job more difficult than necessary.

Sincerely,
Samantha. The very angry cleaning lady.

In other news, my head is pounding and I’m exhausted. I’ve been asking myself the same thing all day.

Do I really […]

6/22/2015 10 comments

2 in one night.. Sorry.

by Sammi6xoxo 6/22/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Theres this nonstop pounding in my head. I still haven’t found away to slow my thoughts. I just bleed them out onto a piece of paper, but still I’m overflowing. Craving silence, but I don’t know if I will ever find that. I’d kill for someone to hold me and lie to me. Tell me I’m okay. Tell me I haven’t completely lost it. Tell me anything but the truth. I’m not ready to fall yet, but this whirling and buzzing is dizzying. I just want to feel safe. I want to let go of my fear and paranoia. If only it could be that […]

6/22/2015 4 comments

Stories from the past-Part One: Birth

by Sammi6xoxo 6/21/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Lightning strikes on a summer night
The August heat makes way for a storm
With screams of agony and gasps of fright
There came an odd and terrible form

“It’s a girl!”

The doctor said with a grin
But they all knew the evil within
A child born in the midst of sin
“What happens to her if he breaks again?”

End the world

She was loved and cherished
But they always knew
The good would parish
If he didn’t stay true

What a man

He could never really understand
What would happen […]

6/21/2015 21 comments

a wild billy mays appears “but wait! There’s more!”

by Sammi6xoxo 6/20/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I want you to fear me
Like a nightmare so obscene
I want you to crave me
And then watch me leave
I want you to need me
So I can vanish in the breeze
I want you to touch me
So I can cringe and retreat

I’m lying.

I want you to control me
Like a dream so obscene
I want you to keep me
And never let me leave
I want you to break me
So I crumble at your feet
I want you to touch me
So I can revel in the heat

6/20/2015 4 comments

Animals.

by Sammi6xoxo 6/19/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

we numb the pain but it’s still there
Beneath the surface
We fight for happiness and no one cares
A brutal preface
To a story that no one dares to tell
All too afraid
Of one persons endless hell
End the day
By fucking all the pain away
It doesn’t work
Saying things I shouldn’t say
They’re just words
Playing a game I will always lose
My voice unheard
Find the rafters and hang my noose
Covered in dirt
My soul takes flight before the weary
A small bird
With broken wings always fearing
For the worst
We are all just animals lying in wait

6/19/2015 6 comments

10-14-2010

by Sammi6xoxo 6/13/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Rest assured i cannot think
Close your eyes begin to sink
kiss the hand of fear so sweet
let this silence be my treat

hear the voices in your head
let them fill you up with dread
they can get inside your mind
tell me now what they would find

would there be a shining sea
would it turn black from all the grief
where does this train of thought lead
are you ashamed for me to see

let this silence be my treat
kiss the hand of […]

6/13/2015 12 comments

Anyone else? No? Okay..

by Sammi6xoxo 6/12/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Anyone else noticing all of the newer people with amazing taste in music? 40 days. ICantDrownMyDemons. Sickfromthemelt. Yeah. You guys are fucking awesome. Just putting that out there.

It’s been a rough night. My anxieties are getting the best of me again and I’m not sure how to handle it. Work sucked. But Friday nights always do. I don’t know what’s eating me today. Will someone please buy me food and tell me I’m pretty? >_<

6/12/2015 21 comments

Living On A Grain of Sand

by Sammi6xoxo 6/11/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I haven’t been posting much lately because I have too much to rant about and nobody needs to hear that shit. So.. have some ramblings.

im living on a grain of sand. If i make the wrong move, I’ll fall off. It’s so desolate and dry. I just want to turn it into a pearl. I need to break. I need to collapse and break things. I need to scream and put my fist through a wall. On the inside, i’m losing control, but they still seem to think i have my life together. In their eyes, im confident. In their eyes, I’m strong and focused. […]

6/11/2015 11 comments

by Sammi6xoxo 6/5/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Blame xirzio for this shot. Sorry guys.

I feel sort of spent tonight. I’m making progress, but it never seems to be enough. Nothing can make me forget. These things that are running through my head nonstop.. They’re eating me alive. Before long, I’ll be a skeleton on the floor of the mansion that I used to call my life. When did it go so wrong? There has to be more to life than this […]

6/5/2015 31 comments

Nighttime terrors

by Sammi6xoxo 6/4/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I can’t breathe through this heaviness on my chest
I need to talk to someone and know that I’ll be missed
You’ve probably blocked my number again
But your words were my only comfort back then
I’m tired and I’m lonely and hate the way it feels
This sense of self loathing is how my heart kills
My own blood is my poison of choice
The pounding in my ears drowns out the noise
I was trying so hard to make this half a whole
But my pain is overwhelming and I’ve lost control

6/4/2015 9 comments

Fucking.. ouch. -_-

by Sammi6xoxo 6/2/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

“..lying awake in bed feeling the spot on my chest
where you used to
where you used to rest your head…”

– Being as an Ocean
The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget

This song kills me every time. It was ours. It was one of our many. This was our band. right up there with Trophy Scars. Why did i give you so much of […]

6/2/2015 21 comments

Be My Escape

by Sammi6xoxo 5/28/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I need to leave
But I’m scared to go
I need to breathe
But they’ll never know
I can’t get out
It’s starting to show
I’m screaming loud
My fuse has blown

Help me please
I need you now
I’m on my knees
I swear I’ll drown
Please don’t leave
Just pull me out
I need to leave
I have no doubt

Please Be my escape
Then you can leave
Be My gate
To a place of strength
I need a step up
Out of this place
Heal the cuts
That cover my face

5/28/2015 18 comments

The Dumbest Things… what are yours?

by Sammi6xoxo 5/22/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I’ve noticed that some of the dumbest things can make me feel completely inadequate as a human being. For example..

-I really REALLY suck at folding fitted sheets. I work in housekeeping at a nursing home and I’m in laundry tonight. All I can think about is how awful that stack of sheets looks.

– I have a little extra bounce in my step when I walk. I feel like it’s drawing attention to me so I try WAY too hard to correct it.

– i couldn’t get a bag open wjilebi was checking out at Wal-Mart the other day. I struggled a bit with it because the […]

5/22/2015 20 comments

How A Moment Can Change

by Sammi6xoxo 5/22/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

There are so many things that I have trouble discussing. I find the most indirect and vague way imaginable to get my point across so I don’t have to say it. I guess this is just another one of those things. Its funny how a moment can change..

His fingers find my face
A soft and gentle touch
My heart begins to race
His presence is too much
I melt into his palm
He slowly pulls me in
I try to keep calm
But a transformation begins

His hands turn to ice
His nails pierce my skin
Darkness fills his eyes
And takes him from within
My […]

5/22/2015 7 comments

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