I wish I had never had friends, they suck…. Like I still have them, but it’s still just shit. A few of them decided it would be a good idea to date each other, and that was a thing for a little bit, on and off…. And now they finally decided that they hate each other, and it’s not like I don’t even care about one of them…. They were both in the same circle of friends, and the other peoples in the circle sort of vanished in the past month or so too…. So basically the entire circle is just gone. And today I […]
Welp things have been treating me decently well…. Been spending time with friends and stuffs, kind of been mostly okay with things. My art class has been most of the source of my stress lately (it is stressful, which is surprising) as it has a fairly intense workload and I suck at visual arts. Just shaved again this mourning, I guess I hate myself…. I have still clearly not learned how to shave without getting irritation, I’ve tried everything too. However thinking it may mostly be the cheap aloe that my father buys (is from rite aid I think) as I got rashes up on […]
Well I got threw my birthday yesterday, kind of happy that’s over…. But it still really isn’t over, I have to see some friends later today, who will probably wish me a happy birthday still, and see my other half of my family, who will do the same. At least it isn’t a day that I would even think of trying to kill myself on, would have to wait until tomorrow at least, but ideally until 2 birthdays from now…. Nice round numbers are nice. I’m also surprised that I haven’t hurt myself in many ways so far…. nothing that will leave a scar. I […]
Welp today is my Birthday, also the day that very long ago I planned to kill myself on…. So far only about 3 hours in and it’s not going very well. I feel like I’m breaking a promise to myself if I don’t at least try, but I know it’s not an ideal time to do so. My father is dealing with a lot of things right now, and he doesn’t need to deal with this, also I can’t guarantee that my cat would be okay either. So I won’t. I can’t even sleep anymore, and probably won’t for most of today either. I slept […]
so, after the failed attempt last week of shaving my legs (got really really bad razor burn, legs were covered in bumps) I noticed basically all of the bumps were gone, and they were just red spots on my legs, so I decided to try again, thinking it wouldn’t (really was thinking couldn’t) be as bad this time, I used a new razor instead of the dull one I used last time (it was dull last time) and I even used shampoo (no money for anything better) and welp, all was well, I thought I was fine, and then like 13 hours later during class, […]
So, I’ve sort of started taking steps to appear more like the physical sex that I currently am not…. I kind of shaved most of my body a bit ago, and I shaved a bit again today…. It bothers me though that I can’t get all the little rooty bits of facial hair out threw shaving though, maybe I will have to go with waxing, but that’s expensive I guess I’ll try plucking first…… meh I don’t know why, but I kind of really just wish I could be female right now, It’s so confusing. As I also don’t want to be female either, yet […]
I know that I haven’t been around for awhile…… I’m still alive 🙁 and no I’m not implying that I have attempted to change that…… Meh school things have been fairly stressful, and in addition to getting “help” most of my free time has been spent in bed. I’ve sort of been hanging out with people recently, I think I can call them friends, not certain though. Failing school and stuffs as always, my professors hate me because I am a failure who doesn’t take the classes that they teach seriously and I am simply wasting their time. My “friends” have also all mostly started […]
Welp the last time that I cut myself was basically 2 weeks ago (the last time I posted) it was much worse than normal…… it actually scared me they were not just deeper than normal but longer than normal, a few were still bleeding 3 days later…… So a few days after that I finally found my way into my school’s counselors office, it went better than expected…… I never told her exactly what was happening, but she sent me over to the crisis response unit (since she gathered that I at least had thoughts of causing myself harm) that was a terrifying experience…… However I […]
Welp tonight I drank about a quarter of a bottle of coricidin so that’s like what only 2 or 3 doses? I feel terrible…… I can barely stay awake, yet I can’t sleep…… It’s not pleasant, yet it is. I like this drowsyness, yet still being alert…… But I did cut myself though, that’s not exactly great…… Right before a potential job interview too (for a dishwashing position) I will probably need to show my forearms since I will probably be expected to wear short sleeves, it’s easy to do with people I don’t care about, but still these are larger than normal…. There aren’t […]
I hate weekends, they are terrible…. And they start on Friday for me now 🙁 I hate the being alone and doing nothing. I used to look forward to them as I hated leaving the house but now I like leaving the house but won’t if I have no reason to…. Yesterday I did leave the house though, however not for good reasons, went to drop off my resume at a place, which was stressful… I doubt I’ll manage to get the job, and in some ways I hope that I don’t. I worry about the hours that they may offer, they have to work […]
Hello everyone, I’m new here.
I really don’t know where to start, there are so many things I wish I could tell people. I feel that this place can at least give me an opportunity to share these things with others, it may feel better. I do hope that this isn’t viewed as whiny or awkward, and I’m sorry if I upset anybody. Also I guess I should warn that may go into shallow detail about self harm…. ((frequency and desires)not sure if that’s something I should warn about at the top of the post or not)
So mostly I just sort of want to tell somebody […]
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