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It’s almost been 2 weeks :D

by shatterediris

Welp the last time that I cut myself was basically 2 weeks ago (the last time I posted) it was much worse than normal…… it actually scared me they were not just deeper than normal but longer than normal, a few were still bleeding 3 days later…… So a few days after that I finally found my way into my school’s counselors office, it went better than expected…… I never told her exactly what was happening, but she sent me over to the crisis response unit (since she gathered that I at least had thoughts of causing myself harm) that was a terrifying experience…… However I do have to thank people here for letting me know not to talk about any plans of suicide and what have you with them so I wasn’t hospitalized or anything scary that I thought would have happened…… They didn’t even ask me to prove that I was cutting myself. It felt rather good actually telling somebody else about it, however I did feel fairly bad the rest of that day but the next day was better. They helped me make an appointment with a doctor which I went to later that week, which that went rather well. The doctor did make me show her my cuts, which did suck and took a few minutes for me to do…… It was uncomfortable, this was the first time anybody else has seen most of them. She only wanted to see anything that was still open, so she didn’t have to see all my scars at least 😀 she said that she simply wanted to make sure they were not infected and were healing decently well. She also started me on Zoloft (so far nothing terrible is happening from it yet) and I have a appointment with her later this week to so she can see how things are going, she also has helped me find a counselor (who I need to call again because they have not answered the phone yet, and when I finally worked up the courage to leave a message they did not return my call, maybe I left the wrong phone number :/ )

 

But yeah, I just felt like posting here because I am really starting to feel like cutting myself again and I really don’t want to do it again. I guess I may wander off to Walmart, it’s nice at these times (around 1am or so) as there are very few people, and I do need to do some shopping. It also will give me something to do other than cut myself.

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2 comments

red_river 2/15/2016 - 4:01 am

Congrats! You should feel proud of yourself and you’ve probably heard this hundreds of times but, about still wanting to cut you should find a distraction honestly. I wish I had the courage to do the same.

Moneypenny 2/15/2016 - 4:47 am

It’s a common thing to want to cut again, that’s why it is a challenge to get over this kind of mental needs, but it is great you have got this far doing so well. There will always come harder times but the most important part of this is knowing you have control over your thoughts and that you don’t have to prove yourself nothing. You are strong. So stay away from things that may make you think the opposite: a boat may be resistant but even so you shouldn’t go sailing when there is a storm coming. learn to identify your limits an to stay within save boundaries.
Music, literature (fantasy sagas, there are a lot and some are great), comic books, exercise, …idk but if you find something please share, I am also looking for new ideas
all the time

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