I am so Tired. No one seems to have empathy and I dont Want their sympathy or pity. I’ve been pretending that I am Okay for far too long and I am Burnt out. I am So tired of being alive I cant Catch a break! I am Not someone who complains until my breaking point (hence my being here shouting into the void) and no one saw my struggle because my pride and pain tolerance are much higher than expected. I am Always in pain mentally or physically. I have A chronic physical and neurological illness and am extremely depressed since before that. I […]
Tai Die
And I’ll go to work, and I’ll go to sleep, and all of the littler things…
A year ago I was convinced I was getting better, that I would never be back to write my pain… It lasted quite a while, enough to trick me into genuinely believing it. The sad truth is that I won’t be able to have the hope I thought I had. Perhaps without a really good year I would have been better off, I would have never envisioned a future with happiness for myself – and now that makes it harder for me to feel this way.
I wish I hadn’t failed last year I wish I was dead I feel so incurably sad […]
The basic reasons I’m alive are obligation and guilt – obligation to my jobs, to be a constant for family and friends, guilt I will look pathetic, guilt to leave others in pain, guilt from looking ungrateful, guilt for feeling like a burden; I feel guilt that I’m just broken internally or something. I don’t have a good reason to not want to live, I’m not hated, I have friends, my family is good, I have money, I’m not ugly, I’m young, I’m blessed and I feel so horrible to be feeling anything other than simply extremely grateful (although don’t get me wrong I am […]
I have this strong feeling that I will always be different from everyone else no matter how hard I try to be the same. I imagine, there’s like this huge rift between me and others. Like, I can see all the people, I can copy them, I can shout to them – communicate… but I’ll never be one of them. There’s just this inexplicable disconnect for me and no one believes it exists (am I too similar a copycat? I appear to be in it all but there’s always just something off…) but I’ve brought it down to I’m either just far too sensitive and […]