Author

sickfromthemelt

People are strange.

by sickfromthemelt 3/20/2016

written by sickfromthemelt

Oh, fuck it, stop saying it gets better, just stop… it’s a bad joke.

I mean, why is it, that people genuinely don’t want me to die, “oh no, please don’t kill yourself, i mean, we’ll still hate you, you won’t accomplish anything, and even if you could, we won’t let you because we hate you, remember?”

It’s like they can smell it on me, how ‘pathetic’ and ‘retarded’ I am, fuck, even online, people seem to avoid me or stamp me out like the plague…

Really, they just don’t want to feel guilty for being a shit, and if they get a good laugh out of it, […]

3/20/2016 3 comments

A ways away.

by sickfromthemelt 11/8/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

You could have it all, my empire of dirt,
I will let you down, I will make you hurt,
If I could start again, a million miles away,
I would keep myself, I would find a way.

The only way to love me is to never, ever know me.

If I only knew what to say, someone would actually listen.

If I only cared enough to try, someone would be here with me.

If I only fought harder, maybe I wouldn’t be this.

But everyone gives up eventually, and I guess I gave up a long time ago.

It’s too late for me now.

It’s time to become someone else.

And when I’ve […]

11/8/2015 0 comment

You know, you’re right.

by sickfromthemelt 11/7/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

I don’t care.

I don’t care enough to get better.
I don’t care enough to kill myself.
I don’t care enough to take anything seriously.
I don’t care enough to make anyone happy.
I don’t care enough to prove anyone wrong.
I don’t care enough to be on time.
I don’t care enough to keep my promises.
I don’t care enough to accomplish anything.
I don’t even care enough to get up early 😛

I don’t care, no one else does, I am a pathetic, retarded little child and if I die, I might just make a lot of people smile, it might even cheer this place […]

11/7/2015 2 comments

Rickets.

by sickfromthemelt 8/30/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

So, some trivial shit happened about an hour ago:

*Nephew pulls pins out of board, I lose my shit and pick them all up*
Me: Mom, where do we keep the pins?
Mom: How about, instead o-
Me: Uh, I just want t-
Mom: YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOU BROTHER… AND YOUR FATHER!!!
Me: Mom, I just want to know where-
Mom: WHY, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!!!

At this point, no one would tell me where to leave them, so I just left them on the table, my sister comes into my room, throws them all over my bed, and yells at me for leaving pins where […]

8/30/2015 6 comments

Fadeaway.

by sickfromthemelt 8/15/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

Apparently, people care about me, apparently I should be happy, apparently, I have lots of friends now.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

Since I finished school last year, only one of my ‘friends’ is thoughtful enough to talk to me just because… and no one else actually cares, I never get invited to anything, I’m always the last to know anything, that is, if I find out to begin with, even among people like me, I’m not particularly welcome, but when they need me for something, I’m a dick if I say no, and when I need them, they always bail or half-ass it, because I’m simply not worth it.

I’m just […]

8/15/2015 3 comments

I know something you don’t know.

by sickfromthemelt 7/10/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

Get over it.

Oh… well then, that changes EVERYTHING -_-

Why does everyone say that?

I’m not pissed because my team lost or some shit, I’m pissed because I want to fucking die, you asshole.

Yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when my employer fires me for no reason and rips me off, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when some immature prick threatens to kill me on the street, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when you insult me and everything about me, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when someone breaks my heart completely and leaves me unable to […]

7/10/2015 7 comments

Tainted.

by sickfromthemelt 6/27/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

I just want to be loved, is that selfish?

I saw some kids walking down the street today, I wish I had friends like that, the one group of friends I had at school really just never bothered to get rid of me, only one of them has gone out of their way to talk to me since I graduated, maybe I am a little greedy, wanting more people with me.

My mom and my sister were talking about their friends in school the other day, my mom’s story was particularly painful to hear: all of them were different people, but they were still a tight group, […]

6/27/2015 3 comments

Year zero.

by sickfromthemelt 6/23/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

Fine.

When the world come crashing down, don’t you dare cry to me, don’t ask me why, we tried to tell you, you wouldn’t listen, now you can face the consequences of your ignorance and inaction.

If you have the ability, you have the responsibility, each and every one of you, you really blew it.

You never fought for what you had, now it’s disappearing, little by little, and because nobody’s shot anyone, nobody’s dropped a bomb, and nobody’s taken to the streets to protest, you’re none the wiser, and you’ll refuse to give a shit even when you’re dragged off in the near future for even a […]

6/23/2015 0 comment

Tell them all we’re dead.

by sickfromthemelt 6/20/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

So, I had a conversation today:

Me: Hey…
Sister’s friend: Hi (my name), how are ya?
Me: Alive.
Sister’s friend: *nervous laughter* Well, that’s good.
Me: Depends on your perspective.
Sister’s friend: *more nervous laughter* You’re funny…

This aggravates me, far be it from me to seek attention or, god forbid, support, but it seems like people, especially the ones around me, feel comfortable ignoring every snide and brutally honest comment I make, do I have to hold up a sign?

Hell, while I’m reminiscing, gather ’round kids, let me tell you a story:

Late(ish) last year, I was walking home, along a busy street, when some kids started […]

6/20/2015 1 comment

Duality.

by sickfromthemelt 6/12/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say, and then I swear I’ll go away.

Let’s see, I want to be a girl, which is still hard for me to wrap my head around, even after explicitly knowing it for two years now, up until that point, I’d started to feel quite weird indeed.

I felt numb/drugged/whatever, sometimes I felt like my brain was the only part of me that was alive, and it felt like it was burning, I was wondering why I always found girls more interesting company, but not ‘interesting’ company, even I find some girls pretty attractive, but when I’m out and I see […]

6/12/2015 6 comments

Vampires are chasing me.

by sickfromthemelt 6/7/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

You cannot reason with some people, some people will not stop, they cannot stop, until they kill your soul, whether they kill you in the process is more of a happy accident than an unfortunate consequence.

I have a soul, I had a heart, I don’t have much else.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t placate them, because they do not know that love and acceptance are very different things, hell, some don’t even know how to love to begin with.

I’ve met them all, and I was dumb enough to put my trust in them, those that will never understand me and, as such, want […]

6/7/2015 4 comments

Hell is me.

by sickfromthemelt 6/6/2015

written by sickfromthemelt

Hi, I’m a filthy, retarded, creepy, transgender (male-to-female) emo noob and I deserve your contempt, whether I feel I deserve it or not is completely irrelevant -_-

I’m not the only one that wakes up every morning and is quickly, and brutally, hit with the feeling that their life is not, and never will be, something they can be proud of.

It gets better, everyone around me seems to genuinely believe that living a life I can be proud of is an abomination, an affront to their ‘decency’ and ‘taste’, no one has faith in me, because no one wants me to BE me, no one needs […]

6/6/2015 4 comments