Just been allowed out of hospital, i don’t understand why i fail everytime. And whoever is emailing me saying that i’m only 15 and don’t have any real problems, i hope you die a slow and painful death. I don’t want to deal with you. Does it make you feel big? Harassing a 15 year old girl, telling her she deserves to die so no one will have to listen to her complaining anymore? You don’t know one single fucking thing about why i’m this way or why i try and escape. The amount of other people that have come onto this site since i […]
silent
So earlier, i got a blood nose out of nowhere. I haven’t had one for at least 6 years now. To be covered in my own blood when i hadn’t even been cutting felt rather strange because i never bleed. I liked it, the taste of it in my mouth.. I know, this would sound rather strange at the moment, it also sounds strange to me. But having no control over what my body is going to do, felt good. Really good. I don’t even know why i’m writing this, i just feel odd at the moment. Kind of like i’m not here, that i’m […]
So.. This time i really have lost everything. My mother has been missing for 2 months now, my sister has moved to Europe and doesn’t wish to talk anymore, my Father has been dead for a long time, and my brothers.. I haven’t spoken to them in 4 years. I wish to be buried next to the one love of my life and my baby boy. I want Horses by Daryl Braithwaite to be playing at my funeral. Purple orchids and white lilies. For the past 3 years, i’ve just ruined my life completely. I can’t get through a day without having a few lines […]
I really do like this thing. It feels like some sort of weight has been lifted. No one knowing who i am, not knowing anything about me. It doesn’t give you any reason to judge me, other than what i am typing. But if you judge me for that, you’re placing yourself in the same category. It seems, when you’re like this, that everything good comes crashing down around you. The only people you’ve ever loved, get taken away from you. You end up being un-masked, seen for who you really are. Too many people are afraid to see something different, different emotions that they’ve […]
I just feel the need to vent. Yeah, i could just write it down but having people read it feels like i can kinda make my point. I’ve had this knack of hiding what i truly feel for years. Since i was 3 years old, when i first saw someone hang themselves, I’ve thought about dying. Everyone i meet, assumes that i have a fantastic family life, Mum and Dad, all my siblings. Sooo far from the truth. People often say “you’re so lucky, i wish i was you, you’re stunning” What you look like, has nothing to do with how you feel, and trust […]