some times I think I’m crazy. My mental status has been smashed into a million pieces. Some times I wonder if it’s normal for ur family to mentally abuses u. Some times I even think I deserve it or that it is ok for my moms husband to sexually abuse me. I’m afraid of the dark, I jump and shake when they are near, waiting to be scolded and told how worthless I am and how fat I am. How much I eat or don’t eat. when to sleep and how long. when I forget to do the dishes I’m told On how retarded I […]
Can I get any lower then I am? I lost a place to live 4 times this year. every time I live some where I get kicked out all the time and I don’t know why. In the past couple of month I lost 4 places to live. Lost my car and job cause my one roommate got me fired and called the repo people on the car. whats wrong with me. why do every one hate me. My step-dad told me I could come home but now hes talking bought kicking me out and winter is coming, me and my two dogs are going […]
Just a minute ago had a mental break down. As I was holding a Knife crying and rambling random stuff out, out of nowhere my Australian Shepherd started whimpering nuzzling my hand that had the knife in it. she crawled under my arm and looked up at me. as my tears were hitting her head she lifted up in my lap and pressed her body against my chest moving the knife and put her head on my shoulder. as she licked the tears off my cheek I started to cry harder she then started to lick my eyes and her warm tong on my aching […]
people think that your crazy at the way you feel, then others don’t, does that mean that the ones that think your normal is the ones that think like you? that’s a question that I always ask my self. When you are standing in a crowd and you think every ones laughing at you when really its just in your head that maybe you are the one that’s laughing at your own self. when people say that it’s ok to feel that way it’s not your fault your like that. but deep down you wonder how could it not be. why was I born that […]
Have you ever felt like you were hanging from a chain of life? I feel like I’m hanging from a big chain below the golden gate bridge. As I look up I see one of the links starting to crack and weaken from all the stress and pain. When I look down I see the rushing water of pain and sorrow calling my name to just let go. But when I look up and see my dog on the bridge I love and telling me to climb before it breaks. But should I, Should I climb. before it breaks. I feel like it would be […]
What’s my dream? What’s my future? I had a dream once. I wanted to be a police officer. It never happened and I don’t think it ever will come true. Once I thought I could do every thing I wanted to do if I put my mind to it. But come to realize that I’m on able to do so. I feel like that I’m a prisoner to my own mind. That I’m trapped here for a reason, but what is that reason? I’m 20 years old and still don’t know what it could be. Some times I figure that I can’t move on. I […]
I’m always a failure that’s what every one says. I failed in life. Every thing I held dear to me is now gone. My Grandmother died from lung cancer December 6, 2010 my brithday is December 30, 1987. We had so much planed. we were going to have fun, But I failed her. I feel like I killed her. I failed her. When she was hurting I shrugged it off thinking it was nothing. If I paid attention she might be still here. I lost a lot. I lost my house and all my beloved animals. one of my dogs was put down cause no […]