Looking up from my bus stop. Sydney cbd. I think it loaded sideways. Oops
So I had a relapse last night. Ive struggled with heroin addiction for about ten or twelve years.
So I scored last night and the dealer accidentally gave me double what I asked for. His fuck up right…. good for me right…..
No. Not good for me. I had this messed up reaction. Ive od’ed a few times and just passed out. But this time I stayed awake. It felt like my heart was stopping. My breathing was getting shallower and shallower. Vision blurred and body was trembling all over. This is it I thought. Im going. Next comes eternal darkness. I was […]
She walks through this life
Untouchable
Like sunlight through fog
Protractible
Shes kidnapped your heart
Impressionable
You’ll never break down her wall
Understandable
Its ‘cos of what she’s been through
Detestable
You wanna make it all right
Commendable
But shes got her own plan
Irreversible
And when its all done……forgivable.
Hi hazy,
The artist name is pierre-alaine D
3mmi design
www.3mmi.org
Have a great day, night, morning, whatever
Thanks again.
Soco
So I figure this question has been asked alot. But what would y’all do on ur last day on earth.?
I’ve thought about this alot, & what I come up with are things that im sure will remind me of how great the world can be. And then I will convince myself to not do it. Get in a slump some time in the future and want to cease to breath again. And once again play this whole freakin cycle over again. So I wonder if having a form of a bucket list is a good thing, or should one stay in the current […]
Well I still hate this monday. From the moment I awoke I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
The feeling of constant pressure on my chest has lifted somewhat but the feeling of tightness in my throat is still there. Much like choking. Only cried once more before days end. this day reminded me of a song by fear factory called dog day sunrise. ( not the movie.. dog day afternoon). Not sure why, just kept thinking it over and over.
I worry that its sick that it makes me feel better when I realise other people here feel like […]
Its only halfway thru the day & I have already been in the work bathroom crying twice. !!! Not coping today at all. Will update after work. If I make that far. I hate mondays.
So this is just a stupid rant so read or not. ..
Im sitting on a crowded bus with class dust and tiny fragments of glass from work stuck to my sweaty skin cos the air con is not working on this bus. Some guy has tried to jam himself onto my seat when its fucking abvious im having trouble folding my 6’4″ body into a seat made for a person who is 5′. I keep sweating and thatmmakes me more Iitchy.
I feel like everyone is staring at me. Anxiety thru the roof. 2 girls behind will not shut the fuck up!!
“Like […]
Theres so much I feel like saying today, but then I try and there’s nothing. I go blank. Been feeling like this most of the day, my vision has been all jumpy and strange, & there is no cohesion to my thoughts.
Kinda feel like staying on this train forever ( Im on my way home from work), and dissapearing and starting all over again. Or just dissapearing. I feel like ive past my used by date sometimes. Like I somehow missed my date with the grim reaper. Probably slept thru it, knowing myself. Hiding under the doona and he couldnt find me.
From what was essentially a pretty good week, not including a slight double up of meds, things have really taken a downhill slide today. Woke up thinking about feeling very dark and very quickly progressed into fantasizing about the big leap. Had to catch a train to get dosed at my clinic and was picturing myself kissing the train. Now im home and its still there. Worse than ever. I know it has alot to do with been alone today but I dont want to be near anyone. That would just remind me of my difference to everyone around me. So im […]
Call it aftermath shes turing blue
Such a lovely colour for you
Call it aftermath shes turning blue
Such a lovely colour for your eyes
Call it aftermath shes turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you.
Woke up with this song in my head. Was playing the album last night but fell asleep at the first song. Subliminal listening. Cool.
Have a good day everyone.
Hiya, hope everyone is doing ok today? And if not well, lets hope ur just doing…
I just finished work and after much soul searching have decided there is NOthing I can do about how others perceive me. I spent the last 18 or so hours wondering if my comments here on SP were good enough, closely followed by some things I said to work colleagues, and then the finalie was wondering why my fcuk face alcoholic father hasnt responded to calls or texts from me, after we not spoken for like 4 years. It’s retarded that I hate him yet for the […]
Well I made it thru today with only a few minor scratches and awkward moments at work. To those of u who commented this morning (my time), may ur karmic bank accounts overflow!! Without spewing too many platitudes u guys really helped. Example….where I wouldve gone to the bathroom at work and watched YouTube videos of the golden gate bridge and budd dwyer repeatedly, I just checked ur comments on my post. I reckon that’s much healthier behaviour. Hang tough mofos and try to keep it together. That’s all I can do atm.
Today is strange. Everyone around me looks strange. And I definitely feel strange. Pretty sure I doubled one of my meds,That and the fact I had about two hours sleep. Big contributing factors.
Thats all I got. Pretty dark today.
The places that I never see
Are places where I long to be,
A new location ‘neath my feet
Makes all anew and life so sweet,
Perhaps my search will never end,
Perhaps its like the rainbows end.
These places that I never see,
Are places where I long to be.
Following from earlier post. Just spoke to my mum, she laid total guilt trip on me for not visiting her. Now im in a total manic questioning everything about my rat ass life spiral. !! Stuck between anger and tears. Hating myself and hating her!! The irony is that im 39 fucking years old!!! Why do I feel like im 5 years old again and stuck in between divorcing parents! !! Wow, sorry, I dont mean to project on anyone younger than me. Its just my messed up family. And the worst part is im outta valium and ice cream!!! Could do with some […]
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born.
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
My fav passage of my fav poem.
So im guessing from the posts most u guys are in the US. That got me thinking, how much does everyone pay for cigarettes.? In Australia I pay about $20 per packet of 25. Needless to stay I need to quit. anyway, just interested.