Author

SometimeSoon

I think it’s time to take a walk

by SometimeSoon 6/10/2013

written by SometimeSoon

And I have no idea why I’m posting it here but, I am.Â I’m exhausted.Â The only true smile that has come to my face in the past few years was just before my attempt several weeks ago – the rest of the time it has been this forced curvature which, I must say, I’ve become quite the expert at creating.Â The sadness.Â The consistent failures.Â The burden I’ve been to so many for so long.Â Iit’s just so tiring.

For almost 30 days I’ve had no contact with anyone in my personal life save three individuals one being my “brother” who lives quite literally thousands […]

6/10/2013 4 comments

Will the they hospitalise me if I mention my attempt?

by SometimeSoon 6/2/2013

written by SometimeSoon

My appointment is roughly 24 hours away and it will be the first time I’ve gone to a therapist/doctor – now I’m wondering: if I mention my recent failed attempt(s) and my true thoughts will they commit me to hospital? Â My attempt a week ago failed then two days later I was thwarted by a recently installed fence preventing me to simply hop into an exit.

The appointment is with a psychologist however, she works with a psychiatrist in the same office. Â Honestly, I’m not even sure how I’ll feel speaking to this individual even though she was quite comforting during the initial telephone call so […]

6/2/2013 20 comments

Pick yourself up … geez

by SometimeSoon 6/1/2013

written by SometimeSoon

Yeah. Â That’s the wonderful advice I was given a few moments ago. Â A “friend” sent me a message indicating he saw I hadn’t been on the “book of faces” for a couple weeks and had not seen me out an about. Â “Well at least I know you’re not one of those f*cked up crazy people about to off himself LOL”. Â I responded with … “well I could really use a real friend right now. Â Not feeling so great about life”. Â I receive back “oh f*cking get over it lol Â I know you’re not insane so you’ll not be off’ing yourself or some stupid sh*t like […]

6/1/2013 11 comments

Next steps

by SometimeSoon 5/29/2013

written by SometimeSoon

I asked in a previous post, “And now what?”, and I suppose I’ve decided a next step. Â Despite the many people urging me to make another attempt I’ve decided to try something I’ve never done and that is to speak with a therapist.

It will be the first time in my life I’ve spoken to a mental health / behavioral health specialist and I’m absolutely terrified. Â I made a call today and received several names as reference and have telephoned each to speak with them though, I have no idea how to select the “right” one. Â Hell, I don’t even know what to expect. Â Will I […]

5/29/2013 16 comments

And now what?

by SometimeSoon 5/28/2013

written by SometimeSoon

A few days ago I made an attempt and failed. Â Although the entire event was totally painless and quite peaceful I awoke about 30 minutes after only to find my body had apparently taken over using its’ reflexive ability to remove what was “causing harm”. Â I did not take this into consideration and therefore it serves as yet another example of my capacity to fail miserably. Â The end result was a massive headache which slowly subsided as the evening wore on and a persistent thought that I may have caused some sort of brain damage.

Having a bit of medical knowledge I performed self tests to […]

5/28/2013 9 comments

Relief and Contentment

by SometimeSoon 5/25/2013

written by SometimeSoon

So … I’m ready for this. Â I’ve been reading posts on this site for many months with great interest. Â Perhaps I *do* need stay alive? Â Yeah … no. Â Every single person seems to fall back to the Bible and Jesus thing and you know what? Â That doesn’t work for me. Â I gave religion a chance years ago and it did nothing but repay me with judgmental wealthy bishops, fingers pointing at me telling me I was WRONG, nodding of the heads, parents grabbing their children to “protect” them from me (’cause you know all homos are pedos!) and just so much judgment that it literally […]

5/25/2013 3 comments

Exhausted

by SometimeSoon 5/25/2013

written by SometimeSoon

I’m more than tired. I’m exhausted. So many years I’ve spent perfecting that just-right-smile, being there for others, just seeming as if I’ve got it all “together”. It’s an absolute farce and nothing could be further from the truth.

In reality it is tiring always being the “go-to guy”. It’s depleting being the one who is always “great! How are you?!?” I’m exhausted and I think I’m about finished. I grew up in the 80’s being bullied (I didn’t know that was bad until recently – I thought it was normal), spent the 90’s trying to live up to what society wanted, […]

5/25/2013 4 comments