steveagain2

            I’m realizing how depressing my life truly is. It’s not a matter of how much the depression is actually affecting my life, nor is it a matter of how Caley fucked me up. It’s an actual matter of “Shit, my life is a mess.”

            I’ve lost God. I’m not entirely sure why, but He’s not in my life anymore. And I think that has everything to do with this. He’s punishing me for leaving Him. Why did I leave him? Hell if I know, but I did, and He’s gone, and it’s my fault.

            Maybe it’s these damned pills. Ever since Caley left, I’ve […]

I’m on various antidepressants. And these pills take away my humanity.

On one hand, this is great. No more sadness, no more anger, no more self-loathing and no more suicidal thoughts.

On the other hand, no more happiness. No more joy. No more excitement or pride or energy or passion. I simply don’t care about anything anymore.

I want to make movies when I grow up (I use the phrase “grow up” lightly, since I’m already 20), but now I simply can’t find the drive to push my dreams further. I’m sitting on my ass, my mind completely empty, watching my life fly by at the speed […]

She’s evil.

I’ve never hated someone more than I’ve hated her, simply because of the fact that she is the most evil woman I’ve ever known.

Before I go out, I’m taking her lover. I won’t take her. That’s a cop out. She needs to understand exactly what it’s like losing love.

I’m not sad anymore. I’m angry. Depressed, yes, but more angry than I’ve ever been in my life. And it’s her fault.

And I’m going to make damn sure she pays for it.

Therapists and crisis hotlines are overrated? They haven’t really helped me at all. Different strokes for different folks, of course, but it just seems like these people rarely care about your feelings. They just want to keep you alive, like a vegetable. It seems like that’s how everyone is. “Just get over it”, “everything will work out in the end”, “why the hell are you still cutting yourself, idiot?!”, “imagine how everyone else will feel if you kill yourself, you selfish bastard”…it’s all about everyone else but me, isn’t it?

Whatever happened to me being the monster? Whatever happened to me being the villain? Whatever happened […]

This site, first of all, is amazing. I personally thank whoever made it. It’s a big help…and that’s all I’m gonna say.

 

Having said that, I want to borrow the title for a moment. You want “The Suicide Project?” Here it is, as corny as it sounds:

 

Live like you were dying. Literally.

 

Because, deep down, if you’re suicidal, you’re dying anyway, right? You’ll get to that point of your depression (only if, of course, you’ve completely made up your […]