suicideisnotachoice

My flesh is alive

My soul is dead

In my case, really

There’s nothing left to be said

But for those of you

Who want to know,

I’ll tell you my story.

It starts years ago.

When I was little

My parents got separated.

I can’t remember life before that,

All those memories have faded.

I remember meeting my dad’s girlfriend,

And she was like the stories say.

The wicked witch took control of my mind;

Her mean words stuck with me, night and day.

That wasn’t enough, as fate would have it.

This mean little girl bullied me at school.

I can’t speak of what she did and said,

I can’t speak because it was just too cruel.

I started to think

I wasn’t meant […]

Anyone else having a shitty day? I’m just so fucking depressed today. I’m so sick of everything. I want it to be done SO much sometimes.

I REALLY want to die. Let’s get that out of the way first. I AM going to do it. Within the next few months, probably early June. That doesn’t mean that I think no one cares about me. There are 4 people in this world that care about me and I, in return, care about them (along with everyone else, but that’s just me). I can’t stand the thought of leaving them behind. But, then again, I believe that I’m going to heaven. That’s very comforting to think that I will be reunited with the ones that are no longer here. There’s way more people […]

I love you all. I love you because we are in the same situation. I’m not saying circumstantially, we all have our own problems in our life, but we are in the situation where we don’t want to go on any longer. I believe that everyone has full responsibility for their life, and they have full authority to end it or keep it as they see fit.

Just wanted to say that.

Why are we left here, living in unimaginable pain… while happy young people that have a good life ahead of them are taken. 3 of my friends died in 2015, two were 17, and one was 23. I was 18. The last one, the 23 year old, was a very religious, nice, amazing girl that was a personal care nurse for old people on Maui. She would drive across the island, here and there, everyday to give these people medications, give them someone to talk to. The second one, who was 17, was about to graduate 6 months early and he had already gotten into […]

I’m thinking that I’m just gonna leave notes for each individual person (Mom, Dad, and sister) and then actually leave a journal type thing of poems or thoughts or things like that. *Please don’t tell me this is the stupidest fucking thing in the world (the journal). I know it is* Anyway, I was gonna put this in it…

My soul has left my body now

But please don’t be sad

Keep the memory of me alive

When I was smiling and glad

Many die of old age

Some are stolen before their time

I chose to take my own life

Is that such a crime?

I’ve been very miserable

With every breath I take

It […]

Just something that I’ve been thinking about today… How can people tell other people, “don’t kill yourself”. Excuse me? It’s MY life. I was given this life, and I can keep it or take it away. It’s MY choice.

Other questions:

Do you believe in God?
Do you self harm? (Does it help?) I’ve been thinking of starting that just to ease the pain until I can get a gun

I feel like if people stopped saying “committed suicide” and making mental illness a taboo subject, maybe more of us would open up about it more, or maybe even just feel like people don’t think it’s our fault. No one has “committed” suicide since early 1990’s (in the US that is). It is not against the law. I told my mom that I don’t like when people say this, and she says “Well, that’s what it is. What would you call it?” I told her I would like “taking their own life”. This way, it sounds more like we’re the victims and not the criminals. […]

Hey. Bad day today. Haven’t gotten up. Anyone else having a bad day? (Probably 99% of you)

I’m a 3 time attempt survivor. It’s RIDICULOUS how hard it is to kill this thing called our bodies. All three of my attempts should have been a certain death sentence, but NO. I’m still here. Does anyone believe in a higher power that prevents things like this if they really don’t want you do kill yourself? Because, honestly, I can’t think of any reason why these attempts failed. Just a question.

Does anyone else feel happier and happier after you’ve found a method you think will work. It’s like “Now I can get through anything because I have suicide as a choice. If today is the last straw, then I don’t have to worry about having to live through tomorrow”. I was wondering if this makes any sense and/or if any of you have felt this way?

How can people be so mean?
How can you not care that your daughter is suicidal? I tried to take my life 3 times this year. After the last one in November, my dad said he wanted to keep tabs on me (since he moved up north that week). He hasn’t called me since November 10th, 3 days after my attempt. I’ve called him every week since and he says “Can’t talk. I’m busy taking care of Amaris” (my step-mom’s granddaughter) “She’s so amazing. My first granddaughter.” ??? Okay… cool. He’ll regret that when his baby girl dies within the next 9 months.

I want to get a gun after I’m 21 and have it for when I just can’t take it anymore. I would get the gun tomorrow, but you’re not allowed to get a semi-automatic handgun until 21 in my state. My 21st birthday is in 7 months. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can make it at least those 7 months?

I watched this video yesterday and this guy was talking about why we choose suicide. He explained that depression shrinks our perception until the only choice is suicide. If the only choice is suicide, then you’re not really choosing it. You are “forced” to go through with the one option you have left, and that’s taking your own life.