headache after headache after headache. Is it the light from my computer? Or from the tv om the screen. The scent of soap the lingers in my basement. Is it making it worst? I am not me today. I am a complete stranger in someone else’s body. Who am i? I dont know. I really dont know who i am. But all i know… i want rope around my neck dangling from a tree.
SuicideKillMe
Im not killing myself. You can say its murder cause the only crime that will be taking is by one. Im not going to kill myself. You could say im murdering myself. So no one but me will be lock up in fansty land.
what will happen to us? Since we all want to die. What if we did it. Commit suicide that is. What happens if we all succee in it? Where will we all go. Will we see each other ever again. Do you really think we will be at the same place. The people we meet here. At SP what will happen here. The website where we all met. Since we all want to die… will SP ever be the same. Without the people we known here. Where will they go? Where will they be at? As we all rot underground or cermated into ashes. Are […]
i dont know. Maybe next week. Maybe on fall break. I will escape. No sorry. No notes. No nothing. I will let the world devour on its own cause im done. Im done with everything. A lot of people dont want me here. So i will officially do my job. Lets my friends cry let my family died inside have one person i love scream why. Lets face it. Suicide is my way to go for me. Even if i fail… My mind will never be change. Although my birthday is coming up soon… mind as will try to end it before it.
Binge…
Oh how you conrupt me.
Oh how you always do this to me.
Why must you let me be
the way i am.
You really are…
destorying more of my life
thank you
just thank you.
How was everyone’s day? Mines Shitty and depressing. Ignore my friend who was trying to help me. Damn depression. Damn headaches. Damn sleeping but only to waking up the next day. Damn life….
When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.
I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain;
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.
Christina Rossetti
Im tired of being here. Im tired of hearing the fucking voices that live with me. I’m tired of seeing the same person i go to gym everyday. I really find it very useless to live here and be able to breath this air. I dont care who i hurt im just ready to end it. Poor Poor weather why must it rain. Why must it be like this. To stop the only oppuritiny i have. When i am only is either wet or raining. You really like letting me down. You really like putting me in more misery.Oh how i would like to rip […]
Although it is over doesnt it seem great. Tummy ache for three days straight. A Split headache and ignoring everyone cause for the past two depress i felt like shet and more depress than every. Fml. Fuck my health. And Fuck about living. Im done….
I am a complete fuck up. I screw everything up. I push people away. They dont wanna see me. They dont wanna talk to me. So whats the fucking point. When i die should i really say goodbye to them. Is it realy worth the sofe blow for them. Should i make them any fucking better. I hate my life. I hate the people who is always stare or talk about me. I hate the people that they make me even more of a fuck up than i already am. I shouldnt leave a note. I should just leave in silence and hope they find […]
The house…
its dark.
Its quiet
but i can hear the tv.
I can hear the voices
coming from the tv.
Is this what really happens
when i am trap in my room.
Does this…
really happen.
When we are all trap
in our little world.
Has our house
become nothing but
an abandon place
where the silence creeps
and the tv flashes on
with nothing but noise.
I lost one. soon i will loose all. I have no right. to breath this air of ours. I lost my mind as it gathers dust. The gathering of others fading away. My thoughts and feelings. trash beyond prepare. The beats that it took and the shame it gain. thats already enough. to throw me into the grave. i shouldnt be allow to live. shaking away the people the feelings and that is comotion. I am tried of living. I am tired of wearing this mask. And im tired of pushing people away. Soon enough…. i will not be here. My heart will be heavy […]
I confess
that i am hiding behind a mask.
I confess
that i am no longer human.
I confess
that life is no longer living.
I confess
that i dont have rope in my hands.
I confess
i cant cry
I confess
i dont care about people’s feelings.
I confess
that i will hurt people.
I confess
when i get the next oppuritinty
I will no longer be living.
I confess
if i corward out…
i will be sent away.
I confess
i am fearing living.
My finally confession
i will be alone
as i hang from my tree.
what deed did i breath?
For what i am to beileve.
I did nothing wrong
but it seems i cant stay strong.
Its been to long
but life is to short.
Can i abort
from what my fate has erupted.
But will it be rude to interrupt
what is play to be disrupt.
I am walking on thin glass
but i will show no class.
I feel like an escapee
that needed to be free.
From Jail
to bail.
I drag my nails
against the rusty rail.
I feel the blood
becoming more like a flood.
As i am empty out
all my doubt.
“I have decided that suicide is completely out of the question. I refused to end the suffering of others. No, i must contemplate homicide and end the suffering of one…Me!!!”
Is this is what life is. To face the challenges the world throws at you. Well i face it. I face it big time. Im dying and weeping on the inside. Being a stubborn as can be and look at me. I push two people away whom try to help me. I didnt need it. I didnt want it. Thewy were just wasting their time. I even told them that but insted of listening i get yell at. And see… they left they are done with me like everyone else. They are doing putting up with me. They deicide to do something now? But its […]
I dont want to go to sleep and wake up alive.
I dont wanna wake up and feel like i should had died in my sleep.
Im very tired.
but i want to died not having to be tired anymore.
Im beating myself up.
Staying awake when im very tired
Falling asleep
but aways waking up wondering…
why am i still here
why am i breathing this wrecked air.
I dont even wanna get out of bed
or leave my house anymore.
I’m just…. very tired :/
From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were — I have not seen
As others saw — I could not bring
My passions from a common spring —
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow — I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone —
And all I lov’d — I lov’d alone —
Then — in my childhood — in the dawn
Of a most stormy life — was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still —
From the torrent, or the fountain —
From the red cliff […]
i am done. I am done with life, my family, and my friends. I am really to go. I will prepare everything. I will not say goodbye. I will not leave a note. I dont need to lighten the blow so people can feel fucking better. I know this may sound cruel and all but i dont care i dont care at all. I know they dont care so why even try. I dont know when yet my this week maybe another day. I cant leave another day. See another night and waking up breathing and wishing to be dead. I gone to far to […]
Kill Me
Kill me
Fucking kill me
I cant go on
Like this much longer
whatever you say
wont change my mind
no matter what you do.
I am weak
and full of fear.
I dont deserve
family, friends, and a loving guy
I cant have that
all they see is a different person
hiding from everyone.
Fake smiles
fake laughs
and fake everything else
I am living in misery and pain
Every time i cry i always get ask why
Not everything needs a reason
Just kill me
i can live another day
and face another tomorrow
All i am good for
is to […]