I feel sick and I feel like I’m running out of time. I can’t take it anymore. I watch the people around and I feel so lonely. I can’t do anything and I can’t talk to them, they don’t want to deal with me at all, I know that now. I feel like a tool, like a commodity, like an object to be thrown away in the end, and that end is coming. I picked a date over the summer and that date is coming quickly. I thought that if I had done something with my life that things would change I’d feel better but […]
I never got therapy like my parents said I would. I’m starting to cut (it’s not deep and looks more like scratches but I’ve never cut before). At least I stopped “drinking” antifreeze (I found out it was actually coolant because I’m so fucking stupid I can’t even hurt myself when I want too). Whenever I feel like shit I keep making plans for my suicide. So far I’ve chosen a date and time, a method, a place, and, today, my last words. I don’t know when or if I should talk to people about the root causes cause they really can’t do shit to […]
Goodbye everyone!
I’ll remember you all in therapy
(imma be getting that help :D)
It’s weird how on this site I can say what’s on my mind and perhaps roll in self pity or whatever, but in real life I pretend to be some loopy and happy kid. I put on a show for my friends and act like an idiot just to see them smile or something cheesy. Lately though, I’ve had one friend who talks to me about how much they hate themselves or how they’re garbage or how their a bad person. I keep telling them their not bad and I keep trying to ask why they see themselves this way and I keep getting the […]
I keep thinking about how my life would end and what other things I’d to prepare for it.
My mind keeps running in circles on whether or not I’d leave a goodbye note or just disappear without telling anyone. I’m afraid they’ll talk me out of and then I’ll have to face them later. I wouldn’t want someone to think they caused it but I want to tell them that they’ve been good to me.
I’d want to die quickly. I keep replaying a gunshot as the way I’d go I can imagine the barrel of the gun against my head and all (as you can tell […]
I’m so tried of being around. I don’t have a future ahead of me, I don’t amount to anything right now, and I’ve never been useful in the past. I ruin everything I touch and make everything worse. I wish I didn’t have any friends cause I know they’re just putting up with me and that I’m annoying them. I hate being alive but I’m afraid to die.