last night was the worst of many. i not only lost my family and home but i broke a promise i thought i never would. last night me and my mum had a really big arguement over my birthday. its in 9 days and im turing 17 and all i wanted was to spend time with my family and do what i want to do as its the 1 day of the year i get unlimated attention for the right reasons. mum wanted to be selfish and make the day about her so we both got angry. she yelled and threatened me and i pulled […]
Anger kills meToday I had most likely the worst day with my anger in ages. Because of issues with my ex I got so angry to the point that one of my bet mates had to put me in a headlock and hold me down and squeeze my hards so I couldn’t move. Throughout the day it got worst but I think it was only so bad because I didn’t have my boyfriend by my side keeping me sane i come home and feel like I’m gonna die. I stared at my weapon I have used many times over and thought is it worth itt? […]
how can you love someone if your heart is still beating from someone else? simple you make a decision. my decision was that a mate told me to think of the person who i want more. but the person i want more i cant have so i choose the other person. he is sweet and kind and amazing boyfriend. so love drama is over. now what to do when you are loved so much but feel so empty. this morning i pushed my own sister in the wall, cried my eyes out to school, got to school felt happy but then i got angry and […]
i see you staring
my eyes full of tears
where is all my kindness                                                                       Â
i had all these years
i hurt you
i hurt him
i think im fat
but you think im thin.
my heart breaks
dark shardows coming through the door
my wrist slit open
blood pours on the floor
i know you love me but
my love has split in 2
the real question is do i want him
or do i want you
either way i will hurt you both
my life is full of lies
sooner or later you both will forget me
as my soul begins to die
dont cry a tear over me
dont take your own life away
i might not be here now
but we will be together again […]
I havent posted for a while and i thought i should start again. so I broke up with my boyfriend and I started self harming again. I stopped eating and cried a lot. One of my mates who I loved asked me out 3 weeks later. That was about a week ago. But I feel like I still have feelings for my ex which is hard because I really badly love my new bf. The stress and emotions are starting to take over me physically and mentally. During this week alone I have punched 2 students, threatened a teacher, punched the walls of the […]
its been a while since ive been online. not a lot has happened. but im getting worst. me and my bf broke up, and there is this girl i just wanna kill. me and my best friend are fighting and ive got no sleep in about a week. im going crazy. i run away a lot during the day and sometimes at night. i think about death more and more. i just wanna die. before they were just thoughts but now it is serious. self harm- if i cut my wrist and hope to hit a vein, it will take hours of painful death until […]
am i falling apart? i swear it feels like it. my sexuality confuses me, my relationship is going down the toilet and so is life, im struggling in school and no one seems to care. ive thought about suicide for the last 3 days. ive writtern my note saying goodbye and now im just sitting here waiting. waiting for something to push me over the edge and kill me. i feel like im having a never ending break down. i cry everyday for more then 6 hours, i havent eaten for over 3 days, i have had 10 hours sleep in the last week. i […]
so i just found out one of my close friends and also my crush, ran away due to bullying and his depression and then commited suicide. cut his wrist 6 times and then hang himself. i will miss him so much. my heart breaks each day. he was my inpersation and my help. we made sure we both ate and that we didnt self harm. thanks to him i had survived from suicide and i started eating but now that he has gone i have lost my hope. i wish i had seen this coming so i could save him. i loved him i now […]
so last night i had a terrible night my anxiety kicked in and i could do nothing but cry. my bf was being a bit of an ass and my mother had nothing better else to do but yell at me. its been 3 days since i last ate and i can already feel myself wasting away. i looked in the mirror last night hoping to see a better me then what i was. i saw the same old self. i just cried. feeling so fat and ugly i tried to throw up anything that was left in my system. it was 3 in the […]
i am 15 nearly 16. people think im such a happy teenager, but they have no idea how wrong they are. i have depression, i have an eating disorder, i self harm and im suicidal. i dont have a bf and a lovely family but non of them know the truth. i tell them but they dont take me seriously they thing im lying or that ill be “fine” do you know how hard it is to be battling against life alone? feel like no one cares? no one is there? well thats me. i have cuts on my shoulder, stomach and my wrists. i […]