Thesuicidalfreak

I am tired. Faking the smile, holding back the tears, hiding the scars, everything. These past 3 years have been so exhausting I feel as though my time is coming soon. The thoughts grow stronger, and my deep need for death seems imminent. I just want to go and never look back. I don’t want to write notes or express anything to my relatives or friends for my passing. I just want it to be quick and painless.

My question to all of you:

How has near suicidal success affected you?

I feel as though I am slowing turning into an emotionless person, and I’m not sure what to think about it. I hide behind a picture perfect mask until I am alone. I put a fake smile on my face and continue smiling throughout the day. If you saw me on the street, you’d think I have it all together, and that theres no possible way I could have depression or suicidal thoughts. I have learned to hide behind my fake mask, and to make sure it shows well.

Sometimes I think the mask is me, the girl who has it all together and […]

The thought lingers in my head often, more than it probably should actually. The thought of leaving and never coming back. As I am sure many of you on this forum feel the suicidal thoughts almost daily, like a ritual.

Just know you are never alone. I know almost everyone says this, these people also say “Everything is fine” and  “It’s just a phase”. These people are the ones who don’t know whats its like, to be like us. But I know, from personal suicidal experience that still goes on to this day, for some it is not a phase and it is most certainly not […]

I am ready to die. Its a subject that enters my subconscious daily. My depression seems to be growing stronger and stronger every time this vicious cycle runs its course. I’m tired of it, I really am. And having my family unknowing of it makes it harder. Yesterday,I asked my mom if I could get a counselor. She responded in a way that sounded as though I was seeking attention.  That was my final straw. Mustering up the courage to ask her was hard enough, but having her to shoot me down so fast was even more painful. I am ready to go now. My […]

Well since I’m new here, I think it would be best to share some of my addictions. I have a few, as I assume you all do as well.

1. Self Harm (Cutting)

This act was one of the first things I did to harm my body. To be honest, this method didn’t soothe me. For some people, it allowed them to channel their pain, but for me, I feel like it just causes more pain on my part. I used to self harm a lot in middle school, so I thought I could try it again to see what would happen.I did, and […]

I found this website trough a story that was posted about overdose. I was searching up the proper way to overdose on muscle relaxants. So after finding this website, I have  made an account. I feel as though I could relate to other people who are going through the same things, while remaining anonymous. I will be posting things like my addictions and my issues in hope that someone would benefit from my mistakes. But I would just like to say hello to everyone, I guess.