Does anyone else remember when they were about three years old and you would say “no, I don’t need that, I’m a big girl/boy”? I do. What made being “a big girl/boy” so desirable? It’s kind of weird thinking about myself as a child, how innocent and pure I was back then. I never would’ve guessed myself to be nearing the end of my teenage years and already wanting to end it, which doesn’t really surprise me to be honest, I hardly ever finish anything I start. It’s just so crazy to think, when I was a child I wanted to grow up, be a […]
To be honest I thought my depression was done with. I hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts in a good 4 months and that seemed to be how I defined depression…. Suicide. But I didn’t realise how much I’ve been staying in and drinking alone at night, how little I’ve been eating and how much I sleep during the day during those 4 months. I’ve never really associated these things with depression at all. My first suicidal thoughts since then happened a couple nights ago. Reoccurring images of familiar deaths, my family finding me, the aftermath of everything, it was like 4 months worth of suicidal […]
I think that a lot of our hate towards ourselves comes from the comparison game that we play. Facebook and instagram and tumblr. All of the images and the posts and the videos we see of peoples lives on these sites are luxurious and “better than ours”. We compare ourselves so much to these people…..
“oh, she’s so pretty, why can’t I be that pretty”
“oh, she’s so skinny, why can’t I be that thin”
“oh they are skydiving”
“oh they have a huge house” ……… so on and so forth
We are all constantly comparing ourselves to the people that are just like us, […]
Does anyone else just feel like running? Running away from home or from life. I thought I was getting better, but I was wrong, last night I had thousands of very familiar thoughts – stabbing, overdosing, jumping….thoughts that I thought were all in my past. I thought of it kind of differently this time though. I would be missed by my family sure, but then I thought that maybe they would be better off without me. That their lives would be so much easier without me. I make too much trouble here, I fight with my mother all the time, which then affects everyone else, […]
I often wonder what everyone else is thinking. Do they think the same way as I do? Do they have scars under their sleeves? Are they suicidal? I’m 17 and in my final year of high school. I’m sure there is some statistic that tells you one in every x amount of people have depression, and y amount of those people are suicidal. But I really don’t believe in statistics, everyone is different, you know. No one would ever guess how my mind works. I am the quiet girl. She sits in the front seat, laughs with her friends, smiles, comforts people, maintains average grades. […]
Depression to me is like a little demon/devil that lives inside of you. I watched this video of this guy on youtube who basically said how he viewed depression. He said…
“Humans possess this instinct of survival, humans want to survive, that’s why they eat and they work, all to keep them alive. When you have depression, that instinct vanishes, it isn’t there anymore. You want to die. You don’t see the reason of why you are here or why god put you here. You become confused and eventually kill yourself”
I can’t remember if he said that last part, that might just be my […]
Is it weird that I want to die? I don’t really know if it is. For about a year I’ve been debating my life. Do you want to die or do you not? I do want to die. I want to die because I am socially awkward. I want to die because I have no future. I want to die because then the pain would be over. But I don’t want to die because then the pain would be over. Is it weird that I enjoy crying every night, that I enjoy my heart aching every second, that I want to die. I am full […]