To be honest I thought my depression was done with. I hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts in a good 4 months and that seemed to be how I defined depression…. Suicide. But I didn’t realise how much I’ve been staying in and drinking alone at night, how little I’ve been eating and how much I sleep during the day during those 4 months. I’ve never really associated these things with depression at all. My first suicidal thoughts since then happened a couple nights ago. Reoccurring images of familiar deaths, my family finding me, the aftermath of everything, it was like 4 months worth of suicidal thoughts suddenly broke out of the room my brain stored it in, just waiting for the right moment to let them all out in under two hours. I don’t even know why they decided to come out, I was having an average day I think, not a good day but not too bad either.
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2 comments
Have you talked to someone about your depression? There are so many levels to it. I hope you find something that helps you through it.
With depression its that ugly monster that never goes away. I also suffer from depression. What I have learned is that we learn how to manage it. However with people who have suicidal ideation the thoughts may be managed and gone for a while but eventually they come back. This is my experience with depression.