Violet Blake

Everyone has a dark side.

It’s there, even if we don’t want to admit it. Way deep down inside of us, hiding in the very darkest corners of our subconscious, but when it comes out and reveals itself to us, it’s frightening.

Isn’t it?

NO. Not for me at least. It’s not easy knowing there’s a side of you that could be dangerous, that could even hurt yourself or others, but it’s not there all the time. I mean, I don’t always feel it. Then again, I have a hard time feeling anything at all, at least not any of the emotions normal people feel. Still, it’s not […]

Everyone loves Christmas don’t they??

Not exactly.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I honestly love Christmas, as the song even says “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”. I agree with that, it is the most wonderful time of the year, but it is also the loneliest.

When I was fifteen I had a boyfriend (I’ve mentioned him before, his name is Steven) and we were together for five months and the last month we were together for was December. I can recall it perfectly, the last time I looked into his iridescent blue eyes. I remember how much it hurt me to leave him, and […]

It’s four a.m. again
father, forgive me for this sin
uncomfortable in this life
I can’t put down this knife

I’m carving words in my arms, baby.
Hey, scars are part of my charm, maybe
I need the touch of a hand
This isn’t what I had planned

I need relief from this life
I wanna slip away into the night
don’t wanna see the sun again
but can’t get swallowed up by this tragic whirlwind
I wish the ocean was warm
I feel like drowning

I’m losing my faith in me
I can’t remember the last time i felt free
from voices inside my head
when I […]

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and

Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no
ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of […]

Dark Thing: I’ve missed you pretty little Violet.

Me: No, no, no!! Go away, please. Leave me alone, I can better I swear!

Dark Thing: Tsk tsk, you don’t actually believe that do you, Violet?

Me: Yes, I do actually. So go away, stop harassing me why don’t you.

Dark Thing: Oh please, your not a child anymore Violet. I know you don’t really believe that Violet, you don’t believe anything you hear from anyone. You’re alone Violet, but not if you pick up the razor, just like old times.

Me: You are right, I am no child, so stop treating me like one. You can’t control me anymore, I…I […]

I had a mental breakdown.

I CRIED.

I cried and I cried and I cried. The sobs were silent, wracked with tears that just kept streaming down from my cheeks and no matter how much I wanted them to stop, they just wouldn’t.

I was crying for a lot of different reasons. It was weird, usually when I think about these things I just get aggravated and frustrated, I never get said and I never cry.

Today was different though. When I came home from school I should have been happy, the day wasn’t terrible for once, I had done my homework, gotten good test scores, done everything I […]

I really, really hate liking a guy.

Actually, you know what, it’s not just liking someone that I hate, it’s the agonizing pain the comes with it. Sure, there are those wonderful butterflies that I can’t help but love, but there is also the pain of not telling anyone. The pain of being so afraid to say how you feel, to risk putting your heart on the line only to have it shattered into a million pieces.

So you don’t say anything. You remain calm around him (or her), you pretend that his random joke are what’s making you smile, you lie and say “nothing” when he/she asks […]

This really is one of the worst holidays.

My family is all into Thanksgiving. Making the casseroles and the turkey and the pies and the sweet potatoes and bringing out the apple cider. We make all this food, sit around my aunt’s dining room table, and take turns saying what we’re thankful for.

I don’t know what to say. I never know what to say. I’m supposed to sit there and say thank you to God, for what? Life, love, family, friends?

I’m sorry, what are those again??

That’s the thing about being depressed. You feel so alone all the time. No friends, no family, no love, no life. […]

The town I live in isn’t that small, in fact it’s one of the biggest towns around where I live and when I first moved here there was absolutely nothing around. No buildings, no houses, no schools, just a giant water tank with the towns all appropriate name: NOWHERE.

I’m not kidding you, that’s really my towns name. Nowhere, Arizona.

It’s a nice town, at first I didn’t like it very much. I thought my mother was just using that town as an excuse to drag me out into the middle of the desert and get rid of my body after she had done away with me. I […]

I lost my virginity.

Scandalous, I know. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to give you ALL the graphic details-that would just be cruel-but I am going to tell you why it happened.

I was at a football game on October 28th and it was only around 7:30 (yes, I memorized the date and time this happened), and I was sitting alone as usual waiting for the game to be over so I could travel on to the bonfire where I could meticulously think about wanting to throw myself into the flesh-eating flames. I don’t know why I had decided to drag myself to the game, it […]

It must’ve been in a place so dark you couldn’t feel the light
Reachin’ for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little hometown
This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh, why? That’s what I keep askin’
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong
And why you’d leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin’ third to score the winning run
You always […]

I went to visit my father over the break. I haven’t seen him since the summer but things between us are starting to get better.

Sort of…

The person I was really looking forward to seeing though is my old best friend Jimmy Wilder. We used to be so close when we were kids. We were in the same first grade class and I remember the teacher always scolding Jimmy for being too noisy or too obnoxious or too….Well, like Jimmy is. She would always ask me the same old question every single day, “Violet, how can someone as sweet as you stand to be around someone as annoying as […]

I tend to hold in my feelings a lot of the time, and that results in giant outbursts of emotion later on.

I thought that when Aly died things would be okay, that I would be ok, but I can see now that they’re not, I’m not.

Alyson was my whole life, the only person I really trusted everything with, and the next person besides her would’ve been Drake, my guy best friend.

Now they’re both gone.

It’s hard to forget the people who walk into your life, even if they walk out of it just as quickly as they came in, because they leave a scar. I only […]

I’m getting better.

I haven’t cut in over two months, I know this doesn’t mean I’m on the fast track to recovery, but I have been feeling like things are going good.

Well, at least they were going good… until I met Morgan Ryder.

I normally don’t have friends that are girls, but Morgan caught my undivided attention when she first came into my fourth hour class.

She was…different. Not just in appearance, there was something off about her, like she had been secluded from the world for a little while and was just now getting back to civilization, the way her eyes darted around the room in paranoia, she knew we […]

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger’s football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor

There’ll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they’ll lay him ‘neath a stone…

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin’ no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely… […]

I think it’s about time that I introduce you all to a very special friend of mine.

His name is Nicholas Kyle, and he’s the starsailor.

Nicholas has done many wonderous things already even though he’s only sixteen. He’s become the captain of his father’s old ship, one that flies around the galaxy defending the universe and all that it inhabits while searching endlessly for the lost planet. He’s kidnapped a pretty girl named Stella against her will, fallen in love with her, gotten caught by a nasty band of space-pirates, escaped from the space-pirates, survived a meteor shower, has his ship and crew caught in a […]

For so long….looking into the mirror,

I saw only a reflection of an image,

a stranger looking back at me.

When looking into my eyes,

I saw only emptiness, a void.

Beneath thos eyes were many fears,

fears of pain,

fears of sorrow,

fears of hoplessness.

How could I not know this face before me,

as I stood looking the mirror?

Where was this person that I used to be,

why couldn’t I see?

Turning again looking into the mirror,

I saw my life, one that had gone out,

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